After holding what seems like the largest secret, I’m excited to share that I’m 21 weeks pregnant! My husband Max, our toddler Ella and I are SO stoked so as to add one other little dude to our crew.

The most effective issues about this second being pregnant has been feeling extra assured and ready for all of the wild modifications my physique goes via — just like the depth of that first trimester fatigue and the round the clock toilet breaks.

In fact, I do know that not each being pregnant is identical, so I wasn’t caught off guard once I began experiencing signs that hadn’t popped up throughout my first being pregnant. For instance, a few weeks into my first trimester, I may scent all the things; and round week eight, I began waking up each morning craving nectarines and watermelon doused in Tajín.

However one feeling I wasn’t ready for? Not feeling tremendous related to my child.

Perhaps it’s as a result of I’ve a toddler who I spend all of my free time with. Or perhaps it’s as a result of I’m not pregnant throughout a worldwide pandemic, once I had time to take a seat at residence and take into consideration the tiny particular person rising inside me. Or perhaps it’s simply what occurs when you have got a second child?

Regardless of the purpose, all I do know is that, as a substitute of spending each waking second checking my Flo app to check the infant’s improvement and studying delivery tales on-line, I’ve been coasting via this being pregnant on autopilot. The marvel and great thing about all of it have been hitting me solely throughout the massive moments, like once I first noticed the gummy-bear-shaped kind throughout our first ultrasound, and once we came upon the intercourse (it’s a boy!). However I’d like to expertise these emotions extra all through this being pregnant — not simply throughout the milestones.

One factor that helps? The Flashlight trick. The primary time I heard about this ritual was throughout my second trimester with Ella. I advised my mother that would lastly really feel Ella’s mild kicks and flutters, and my mother requested: “Did you do the flashlight trick?”

I had no concept what she was speaking about, so she pulled me into the lavatory with a flashlight in hand and turned off all of the lights. She turned the flashlight on, I rolled up my shirt, and she or he pressed the sunshine up towards my spherical stomach. Inside a number of seconds, I felt a *thud, thud, thud*, as Ella’s physique pushed towards the sunshine! It was candy and surreal.

Now with child #2, once I begin to really feel distant from him, I stow myself within the toilet and shine a flashlight on my stomach. And each time I really feel him transfer, a wave of affection and gratitude rushes via me. In these couple of minutes alone collectively, I begin to dream about the kind of particular person he’ll be, and really feel a deep longing to really feel his weight in my arms and smother his cheeks with kisses.

I do know I need to not be the one one that had a tough time connecting with my child earlier than assembly them in actual life, so I used to be curious how different mothers bonded with with their infants in utero. I requested author Catherine Newman, who advised me:

“I keep in mind my pregnancies felt so *hypothetical.* Plus, I’d miscarried earlier than, so I used to be at all times nervous about jinxing all the things. Nonetheless, I sang James Taylor songs to the infant (and felt a bit foolish), and my companion learn Goodnight Moon to the infant (and felt a bit foolish) after which later? I noticed that you simply would possibly as nicely lean all the best way in as a result of you possibly can’t preempt grief anyway — probably not — so why dampen your enjoyment?”

Illustrator Ruth Chan is pregnant proper now, and she or he says introducing her favourite meals to her child has been one option to get to know one another: “I eat one thing I like (cake, chilly noodles, poutine), and ask our child if she likes it, too. Typically she’ll kick/punch in response, and I prefer to suppose she is doing a contented dance.”

Aren’t each of the following tips candy? Being pregnant is an extremely intense and susceptible expertise, and all types of emotions and experiences are regular. You’re by no means alone.

What about you? Did you immediately bond together with your youngster when pregnant? If not, did any rituals aid you really feel nearer? I’d love to listen to your ideas.

P.S. Going from one youngsters to 2 and how do you know you have been able to have a child?

(Photograph by Guille Faingold/Stocksy.)