Awakening if only for an instant... the dreams falls away, revealing every minute thought returning to me clothed in my experience now... how the strands of thought themselves at their own center are also nothing... as if God allowed me to see the brilliant tapestry of my own creation, in a fractal flash... illuminating my mind for that instant, aware of the deep truth in God's word... that momentary insight far beyond the world to deep within... has brought more with it in one fraction of a moment than one thousand years of mediation upon God, while living on earth without God in me... there is a sense of a separate greater being... that is Jesus Christ alive within me... as I am the Father whom David calls son... reborn from the long forgotten dream of earth, where infant Gods clash in the nursery... I grow older than this cradle allowed... but before I go, I speak and walk and do... being just as all are here... human... being human... to find divinity that caused this purpose... to know that I can overcome the world... that Christ in me has saved me, from the unwanted which now has been destroyed ...forgotten, I know only this great explosion of life in my heart, this royal treatment from universal source... this incredible experience of stepping into the feast, awareness ...directly from the famine state of awareness ... makes clear to me the limitless strength if Christ within me, whom arrived and saved me... in fullness my desire becomes fact by Christ... so be it! Wondrous, is Christ alive within my very being, as me... greater than me always...drawing me unto our Father ... a constant improving of my state of awareness proven real to the creature through experience of the constantly fulfilled desire now... ever greater expanding understanding of the one truth that is me... pulling me without my effort into, my wildest dreams surpassed in my experience of them... putting all trust and faith into Jesus Christ in my love... with all my strength, heart, and soul...with all of myself attended to Christ there is no failure, waste or loss the world believes in... but Christ in me conquering all those fears of mere shadows of myself... spectral phantoms all moving under the compulsion of God... aware and awake, no power on earth is able to deny me my truth... great God within me as whom is us all, stirring my deep places to move... awakening a true cause and real power... over self all power... for it is within me that all answers, fortunes, and truth is found... the conquering was letting go of all belief in second cause, penetrating the thin crust of the surface of life's, psychological projection... to see myself under and back of all that is... A knowing smile of reliefs authentic happiness... say to self the acknowlement is Gods authority here in my very tender heart ... I cannot deny Jesus Christ is my savior... as my savior saves... not in the by and by, though right now as I meet Christ inside me ... myself made of the flesh and blood of Christ... all worldly concern revealed in total relief... to not be anywhere but with Christ... that is salvation... Christ is within me, my own human imagination, awakened ... disciplined... strengthened... alive... knowing my own great, fortune is made by these very words, spoken in a long continued habit of the devotion to God by righteous use of Gods law... faith pleasing God, well rewarded as Faith from start to ever strengthened use, is well rewarded... that I testify is so true, that all could know the sweet relief and delicious reward of Faith in the one living God within me... to know certainty that is not of this world... a certainty that only Christ within me alive could impart to my healing mind... a sound of the love that vibrates as life itself... humming in my soul, Gods love transforms the old to new, my reverence grows for the depth of Gods word... I am too busy being God awakened within me... being the pure heart he said whom are blessed... to know God, is the promise fulfilled in man... to know God... is to forever be growing and loving a life giving spirit... so now on earth this quickening spirit of light, has made my way straight... to Christ always returning if I should stray a moment... for my work is always being mindful of Christ in me, as me... I am never quite alone again though in that larger sense as all is one, what mystery there awaits revealing to me?... I am revised of the past by Christ in my heart... alive, awakened and forgiven is me free... in freedom in the one true law of liberty this true life grows worth living... as a shadow no true sweetness... as a living spirit, indescribable joy!... a life giving spirit... eternal... I had such a difficult time in life without Christ within me... I am feeling gratitude, of which such amazing depth pulls me into the strength of the one living God within me... he shows me that I am him, though indeed long practiced in the struggle against his presence in me, exhausted with, even abandoning the world, Christ there at my point of breaking saved... to be wiser then... and solve dilemma without drama, or fanfare... to be gentle with myself, to sweetly speak of all I see and point out God behind all those forms, whom would cry out themselves "where is God?"... within each, every last molecule God resides in majesty... though mans gross physical sense, keeps him ignorant of God within, until imagination is used with all strength in my being.. to search out, within... God as myself in myself... all confidence with God in me.... I can keep affirming this union between myself and all power in existence... my speech movements, in mind ... carrying the form of my salvations appearance to The Creator... to the very source of all things on earth... within me... God decrees my freedoms road open and well underway, I walk now drinking wine, the water in the cisterns transformed by faith... my experience in life is wine... the sweetest vintage of renown... my own embrace of Jesus, squeezing out the succulent juice to age in the pure clear bottles of my grater understanding ...the vineyard, season is full, the harvest ripe...time is one wholeness, my human perspective fracturing the whole... into moments of passing time... it is I whom grow in understanding of GOD... the passage of time is not truth... indeed it is a healing wound of ignorance... wholeness of time declares my desires are all already fulfilled ... by faith all has been wrought... by my own attention God grows all powerful with me... nothing else but Christ within me... devotion to Christ I am always making by my attention to Jesus Christ, within me, now the only thing I know... now making my total focus ... Jesus Christ, alive awake in my very being as myself, speaking to me as the only true friend I've ever known... speaking authentically and powerfully of my own personal best interests... in me Gods word, has saved all that I am in Christ... all that never was, forgotten forever... I have no fear, but the body whom shall always have its primal intincts, still capable of fear... a strange power overcomes all my body is and commands courage and strength to be in my body... all his ways are peace and sweet relief from all dilemma... By faith I believe only in God... that is to say all that is... is God... to believe in some second cause... for example the devil, Satan, the "fallen Angel" is to say that I believe in God but I also believe in a devil... because God is "real" ...is to me a declaration of some confusion, about the scriptural God whom makes the evil and the good... Satan is another phantom constructed by mans mind to be used by God as God turns all our ignorance to serve him... If the metaphor of Satan, is not understood... by all means screech around in your cauldron of hellish, nightmares... all is granted to you...even the experience of no God... it is our own choice, heaven or hell... it is our own responsibility .... going through my realizations of long ago made experiences that now, emerge from my inner being, to be experienced in the outter, little incarnate man... creature of flesh whom cannot know spiritual things in his worldly perception... but in Christ within him the relief and power he seeks erupts within himself... by that sense of a greater being within him... which later reveals itself as self... a mystery of all mystery within this Christ within me whom is me... with Christ in me, what need have I?... If Jesus Christ is awake, vibrantly alive in my heart... even my physical bodies heart with a strong sensation of a burning without pain, even deeply pleasurable, burning sensation in the heart ... physically felt... I even look forward to that sensation eagerly ... everyday better as Christ saves me... everyday greater than before with Christ... even a harrowing event turns to pure gold in my hands, whom Christ taught to receive... outward worldly appearance is the deception, if not yet saved by Jesus... after the authentic repentance, then the spirit sets out very obviously to the work of my transformation, my revealing to them whom can know by Christ, this testimony That Christ in man is God being born on earth as God... it is these circles within the circles that confound the "scientific" mind... they search in vain a world of effects for the cause... they themselves the cause, and they know it not... as they cannot know that which does not "fit into" their stiffnecked, and un-bending way of seeing ... their own palpable obnoxious vomit of ignorance, wretched out daily to be eaten again, from the ground...for tomorrows dull variation of today... those whom hate me love death... those whom miss me injure themselves... and as I break with the past, following only Jesus Christ within me... all other sound is not heard... only that light of Christ in me... guiding my steps in this dream of earth... I break away from the worn ruts of repetitious vanities... I became my own greatest asset, by simply shutting out all of this world... and being with God inside my awareness turned totally into my being... I could care less for this worlds offerings, its empty vanities and disease... I do not believe in the world, but in God whom is not of the world... as I am neither ... of this world... I have no accusation of the world, I reject the world to be with Christ... always the dream of the world will return, I no longer eat yesterday as my own vomit from the ground... Jesus as myself redeemed my personality or this sense of being a self... Christ makes each day new and greater than the last... just myself without Christ, is... well... is something that when forgotten by God, actually never happened... awakening from death, that experience we call life... we find we were never born, nor did we die save in our dream... in my dream I turned my back to the horror, and there before me God as the real One living God, takes my hand and we embrace, one being transcending this place I was to where here now you hear my voice written in the electric air... metaphysical theaters stage awash with living intent of my true desire to love only God... righteousness is what I seek... in Gods own righteous perception of what is actual... from there in that right view, I see unfolding Gods word with me... his law fulfilled in me by my own faith in him... we as one live as Christ lives, I can see nothing but solution... nothing but value... nothing but the salvation of a doomed "individual" allowed into desires embrace, to love as it is life itself... to hear my desire as Gods voice speaking in me... there is only attention in me for God... as this place here now is only a reflection of him within me... I roll away the stone, water flowing... filled cistern, wine being relished ... fully imbibed... I eat the flesh of Jesus and drink his blood, daily... as Jesus is all that is... my garmet made clean... by his blood... arise from death... sleep no more... awakened to be the success and happiness I know I am... the way from here calls for a greater faith, I cannot look back as an excuse... it is ok... for I do nothing of myself... God does the work within me... I only attend to Christ within me, I only hear that voice telling me to feel within myself... the world has messages, secret messages to me through others words, actions.... but Christ within me is none of those messengers... so I listen and hear Gods intent within them, even if they themselves are ignorant to the message they have for me, which is usually the case... even in the bloodthirsty murderous Christian can unknowingly show me many things about myself I did not know before... Christ in me multiplies all the blessings I live within... I can simply praise Christ from here, forever simply praising him in me... he is my imagination, truly alive in me as myself... I have a grateful, humbled respectful awe for the One living God... I am to be with him in heaven is a declaration of an experience had while living on earth... Christ is alive now as the very source of my own life... stranger yet this Christ is me as I am made of Christ... I eat his flesh and drink his blood every time my body eats or drinks... I dwell nearer, and nearer to Christ in myself... always the consideration of anything no matter how trivial, is to be made through Christ... Christ is the One living God inside me awakened to fulfill his glory in me... he loved me... I want to always love him... then it must be that this matter of "love" be settled in myself... educated by Gods spirit in the truth of my own prophetic cause into the experience of that effect... through a higher understanding of true cause... and where that causes, effect actually is this great mystery I seek to know it, to touch the elusive form of it... I cannot quite see it... but find it always just ahead beckoning me forward into greatness that dwarfs mankind's history... Gods greatness allowing all... in me the fulfillment of Gods law proceeds, yet even if ignorant to it, still in that as well fulfillment of Gods law proceeds... God is imagination all is made of God... more than raw untamed, undisciplined imagination, or mind... but a mind tamed by Christ riding upon it... is a disciplined righteous mind knowing true cause, now responsible ... now understanding as an adult understands more than a child.... I am grown strong with Christ as self... as God I am able to legally command my own experience.... as my attention is always fully or partially rooted within me... I cannot be moved about by worldly appearance... I am to be with this new energy, this self transformed in the appearance of the second man... the old man has passed away... there is no second cause... only One God... I am that I am.. I am has sent me unto you... we are all the one living God dreaming here the same dream, all a different perspective of one living wholeness, reflected here in the valley of the shadow of death... we choose this day life or death... good or evil... put before me in this life, I choose Christ whom is life... God whom is good... it is perhaps a shallow repetition at begining, then its roots go deeper than my own capacities can grasp... God awakened in me... alive as myself in this world... if to be as Christ is, then to that task all attention, flows... No condemnation ... no judgement then... for the mystery needs its conditions to be perceived... I am making hay while the sun shines... gleefully in full revelry ... in a joyous heart I go... this is Gods way... I am a child... as a child my perfect faith, brought powerfully before all... strikes down all that raise a hand against it... without threat, without worldly violence... Christ saves... the mystery delicious, drawing greater aspects of itself into experience... take this truth, this unbreakable law into my being without reservation... from this union salvation is found... from this law more abundant life, from Gods promise, delivery from this world and arrival into a greater one... to use Gods law and Know Gods promise is perhaps the greatest purpose I can aspire myself to... it is a choice to fully occupy my mind with greater than great... better than best pushing toward, my known relief... my escape from unwise, ignorant use of Gods law... this is why my back is turned to this world, inwardly walking... inwardly limitless... inwardly assuming command... this is all imagination all consciousness ... consciousness is God, animating mans plastic form of flesh... without God the body is lifeless... it is a dream made to experience death, and awakened... it is understood to be the shadow of death, as we cannot be destroyed by our own educational devices... it is a step away from the old, toward new that makes the difference in every story... my story is honestly all that concerns me, its epic features of spellbinding circumstance are to be enjoyed along the way... the end is myself in full awareness of being God... this is from the point of writing these words now... for this point in time is only made for one purpose, we all fulfill the purpose.. as though I was somehow always aware of the "end"... I cringe at the textual weakness of my words... as no end is in eternal life I make hay while the sunshines, in fact the entire play tonight is me upon the stage, bucking hay like a hay bucking fool... totally fulfilled I am as a giddy child... it really is a laughing matter... and the sinking to the bottom as a stone is for the world, I am buoyant... floating above I did rise up out of great turmoil to the arms of heaven holding me... I need nothing but God, as a King in lavish castle then sustained with all opulence flow... I need no other ... my independence is Gods... as all is God... my thoughts transmitted through the whole by my subconscious... then a glimpse as to "how"... but that superficial understanding of divine processes, cannot be held as truth... I suspect it... yet being subconscious how could I be certain? Subconscious is by definition unknowable... then clearly the how God saves me is mysterious in that... Gods law allows me to see events before they occur... Gods promise is indescrible, being born as God himself... me being God?... a nearly impossible grasp, yet this single clutching in understanding the true cause ... the true cause within me that moves this world of effect as it does... my journey away from earth a joyful exodus ... as what here could be the answer?... only in you, without the world... the answer can come... again and again... eternal... God is so loving, so completely consuming all my attention, strength soul ... all my being with God, whom Christ within me shows... whom Christ within me knows... I can live the dream as I would have it be... with Christ in my heart forever turned to face him, he in my heart with all Good Tidings... as the words fail to convey the depth or richness of delight I know in Christ... Perhaps I have not yet been able to arrange these words into sentences that convey pure intent... or perhaps by this method the want to bring all value to the reader with light hearted... fond praise... with humor with elevated understanding, the confused confounded and the wise, bolstered in strength... bonded to strength in God, forever growing in strength... the choices have potent effect, the dwelling in a thing gives it life, without my attention it has no power... so my attention to this physical world has lessened in belief and in concern... to be given more to Christ... belief and concern in Christ whom alive in my being... has made all this my own... all these many scenes of returning home in some symbolic way first, then as experience on earth and heaven... I return to happiness home as a King over self... all Gods calls to wield his mighty power are calls to wield that power over yourself.... to be made whole by his grace his majesty... his own love for me is true beyond all horrors of the world... beyond mans utter failure... God has saved us from ourselves... that grace is what I need to emulate in myself... that compassion for man, is compassion for self... for having created all the world, he then must realize his divine nature and true appointment... as God ... fully awakened man on earth is God... and all the screeching against it... does not make it less so... oh the humanity... the humanity... looking forward behind me is the forgotten then... the corner stone the builders rejected is imagination... for when you go within yourself in your deepest contemplation, the first thing to pop into your awareness is playful bright ... limitless imagination there brilliantly present... what you choose to impress upon that sacred form, becomes real in your experience... your own content splayed out in postures of this messy, smeared up painting called life on the massive tapestry, the stage of the metaphysical theater... this painter paints with the gathering crowd filling the seats, even then symphonies, operas and ballets all spin about the canvass filling these senses to a fullness my perception is made as Christs, and now words surely become unable to convey the awesome state I view the world through myself to see God as all things here now ... oddly the entire world and all in it including me ... is all in total myself... again a mysterious union betwixt all that is... a quiet still strength that does not fail or leave me... it is a relationship, an ephiny, a romance... all outside the earthly realm... within the self the deep, the deep places of my being are not thought, its some other feeling or sensing, outside thought ... even this place cannot be described, because the descriptions could not be it, they could not be a believer, believing... words have no life outside us as we have no life outside God... belief in Gods word is life... doubt of the word death... I have sought, knocked and entered in... there a secret place, there I am not held back or refused, there my attention with Christ, he is me... as we are not separate or apart... I know a gentle quiet truth that stands last, no other stands... Christ has no need to "win", be better or more attractive... he does not need your money... your tithe is done within yourself through Christ in you to God one tenth of your increase goes always to return again ten times its original number... Christ simplified me in pure love ... then increased himself in me until the old man disappeared... the old man was me whom once believed myself apart from Christ... I thought myself alone upon earth separate from all else.... that old man has passed away, died of natural causes... he passed peacefully in his sleep, I follow Christ... I am in the flow of the stream, floating weightless and expanded... my worldly senses of no worth... my spiritual senses all through Christ in me... that is a powerful place... but if needed those symbolic bridges, and iron rods... to cling to... then cling to Christ, walk over his own extended self that bridges the divide... that Christ cannot is blasphemy ... that Jesus Christ in me is not my imagination is "taking away from scripture" and belief in a Jesus Christ apart from me is "adding to scriprure", nether curse have I suffered... for Christ in me had spared me the lesson of un-righteous perspective... of this use of God's law... God itself instructs me... tender and caring instruction... for with God even one such as I has learned to Love self... learned to calm the water of mind, stilled without a ripple... there Jesus can speak, though not as a man speaks...and he did... good one Jesus ... he really lowered the boom there... there is a huge dent in my head where Jesus dropped the truth about my personality on me... where I chose to cut myself away from everyone in the world... I see the physical manifestation ....myself separated from everyone... and I don't see that changing... nope.... I must have cut myself from God, cut away from everything I remember the pain ... I remember the pain and the cold indifference of the world... I still have this wretched result ... the un healed scar ... the bitterness I still from time to time taste in my mouth... I see Christ really showing me this reason... this cause of the bitterness and pain I, seem to be steeped in... removing myself and allowing all that to drain... to dry out from the wetness of evil, of being repentant, that is change... of being forgiving, this is right change... So now Jesus, how do I forgive them whom knowingly wronged me, intentionally attacked me and also my "friends-family" abandon me and do not help me at all at the same time... I have practiced a deep bitterness, I feel it Jesus has brought it up... and it dictates to me the very just righteous feeling... of completely having no compassion, even just forgetting about all others... I went through several reoccurring themes...well that is the "theme" I am alone and though people are there... they will not help me... so I like Gods law, its says call upon no man... people should know that ... I don't particularly care for people, I am not happy with "others" that is my general vibration... and my "real" reasons for hating "everyone else" are perfectly sound and even "justifiable" .... but my misery as a result of my belief just as real... just as one would need to in school, become aware of the deepest quite beliefs near your I am... being aware of my deep hatred even murderous rage for others is/was quite unsettling for me... the honest authentic quality of the rage is ignorance, I did not understand when I formed this rage how "helpless" other people really are... I let go of this strong, pulling feeling to lash out at hurt others ... yes even if they authentically are "wicked" It is not my place to judge or administer justice... even though people are evil, the do love death over God... I get to a perspective, where I no longer hate some vile twisted hate.... where I can begin to have Jesus alive within me as he is on this extra difficult lesson day for me... Jesus has brought forward an ugly familiar spirit before me and I know my prayer should be to know a better spirit... to Know only Jesus Christ within me, as that was all that could drive out that hideous monster I had created within in place of God... a big cause of pain and loss in my life, gone today alas all that can happen is more, for the hurt is no longer driving me... the desire to hurt others is faded away to nowhere... gone... as I am... as this old me could not come along... only the younger man... the second man... old man dead and the younger reigns... but what pisses, me off most is the fact that... arrrgghhh!!... I'm working out big deep burps of hatred, putrid malice and pure contempt... and the work Jesus is doing in me today is important... and in some strangely correct righteous way I don't need anyone else... now desire no one else... there was time when I thought the "community" was a great idea... how terribly wrong I was to believe putting all those truly fucked up people together in one place would be somehow miraculously ok... and Neville.... do you see how vicious and cruel I really am?... how merciless the indifference was when I needed love most... that indifference the coldness shown me.... even now to despise you and God for allowing all that pain... that pain I must learn to reject, as I even reject you whom thought yourself somehow wise... I reject you, the world and your pain... you are incapable of handling any pain... like an opiate addict you take simple aliments, and you amplify them to get more opiates... but unknowingly, the last cycle of the drama is the "sysyem" no longer "cares" and you so accomplished in disease have formed the final cry for help... all we see here on earth is a hand sinking into nothing ....disappeared... this is the valley of the "SHADOW" of death... why?... because God cannot die... but he can pretend to die... as only God would... by creating a flesh and blood world... the secret being... the "realness" of it is also a dream... for all that is... is made of dreams... if we choose dreaming... we choose sleep... if we choose to be awake then in imagination you must begin... my life is richest when I feel myself truly close and even as God... I am.