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What You Can Learn About Cheating From Watching the TV Show Cheaters

I have a guilty pleasure. It’s hard to admit, but it’s even harder to shake off. I watched the tv show Cheaters rather faithfully (no pun intended) over the past 4 months. The addiction started when I picked up a Uncensored Cheaters DVDs at a garage sale for two bucks.

I had heard of the series, but had never seen it. This was partly because: (1) I consider myself far too smart and sophisticated to watch a show about people who apparently have an average IQ of 70; (2) I thought it was wrong; (3) I condemn cheating and; (4) it turned on at 2 am.

These were all valid reasons for what I thought was a natural horror of a show that was high in ratings, but low in morals. After purchasing the DVD, I was able to watch the episodes at my convenience. I was amazed, appalled, fascinated, amused… and educated. Yes, I said educated.

In case you have never seen or heard of Cheaters, it is a weekly reality television show created in 2000 by Bobby Goldstein, a lawyer from Dallas, Texas, which documents people suspected of cheating on their partners. It is recorded primarily in North Texas around the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex, as well as the greater Houston area. Thanks to the show’s phenomenal success over the past 9+ years (which is a sad reflection of our society), it has been syndicated and can now be seen on various channels at all hours of the day and night.

The show is based on investigations (which they call “cases”) conducted by the Cheaters Detective Agency. The agency tracks and investigates people’s deceptive behavior, activities and sexual infidelities through CCTV. This is where the entertainment and educational value comes in.

Watching documented monitoring of people who cheat puts you at the forefront of a real-time field investigation that exposes the antics and psyches of cheaters. Some are first-time cheaters (those with no history of cheating in relationships). Some are situational cheaters (those who claim dissatisfaction with their situation strength they go astray). Some are recreational cheaters (the most egregious offenders who take pleasure in manipulating people to get what they want). Very few show remorse for their actions or take responsibility for their actions. All are liars and their lies and deceitful ways are taped for the world – and their loved ones (I use that term very loosely in this article) – to see.

Here is my list of lessons learned from watching Cheaters.

Men and women cheat – in different ways

Immediately following the show’s discovery segment (where the collected evidence is presented to the spouse/significant other who hired the cheating detective agency), there is a segment the producers refer to as “the showdown”. This is where the spouse/significant other of the alleged cheater gets to confront them (or catch them in the act) cheating. This is also where the drama, action, and high notes happen.

From my observations, it seems that women who cheat, in many of these cases, develop an emotional attachment to the men they cheated with. Often forging allegiance to their accomplice, causing them to choose the accomplice over their spouse/significant other when confronted (both for their significance).

Men they have cheated with often revel in the decision of cheating spouses as if they had won some prize. In some cases, they even harass the spouse/significant other and make remarks displaying their sexual conquests after being arrested.

When the situation is reversed, the cheating man’s lover often leaves in disgust. It should be noted that at least half of the women who hire cheaters to investigate their spouses/significant people attempt (usually unsuccessfully) to resume relationships with them. In real life, an estimated 64% of marriages attempt to reconcile after infidelity. Cheaters confirms it.

Men cheat more…or do they?

According to a WomanSavers.com cheating survey of over 1,100 women, over 62% of women believe men cheat more than women. Compared to a recent US study of sexual behavior, 14% of married women have cheated at least once, compared to 22% of married men. It is very close; however, these statistics should be taken with a grain of salt as in reality it has to be said Alone 14% of married women admitted they cheated at least once, compared to Alone 22% of married men who admitted.

It’s clear that women think men cheat more, but after watching several episodes of Cheaters the truth comes out: women cheat a lot more than men and other women thought. Studies also show that men are caught cheating 80% more often than women; which proves that women are much better at hiding their infidelities…maybe because when women cheat, their men are too busy committing their own infidelities to notice…

Unemployed and gambling

Many people who are investigated for cheating are unemployed. This leaves plenty of time for them to fill a void or bolster low self-esteem through an affair. It’s a factor, but Cheaters makes it clear that when a person wants to cheat, they will cheat – with or without employment – as you will read below. If your spouse/partner is not vigorously pursuing a job, they may be vigorously pursuing something else with the extra time they have.

The main excuse used to cheat: working late

In each episode of cheaters, they record a phone conversation between the cheater and their spouse/significant other. In virtually every one of these phone calls, the cheater uses working late as an excuse to come home late or to cancel a scheduled date – often while the person they’re cheating with is with them! When your spouse/partner comes home late on consistent basisyou need to take note of it.

Friends? Or waiting lovers?

The men and women who cheat on this show usually refer to the person they are cheating with as a “friend” – even when they are seen naked together on hidden camera surveillance. Apparently, referring to their lover as a “friend” robs the person they are cheating with of any status or meaning. The person your spouse/partner is likely to cheat with will come from their group of friends.

Lie lie!

Persons under investigation Cheaters have one thing in common: they are all competent liars. What this show does is help you understand the similarities between the lies that are told and how they are used to build false relationships with others. Amazingly, it also exposes the lies people tell themselves when they justify their deviant behavior. Many cheaters don’t feel like they’re cheating when they’re unhappy in a relationship. Others become so accustomed to lying to their spouse/significant other that they continue to lie in the face of cold, hard evidence.

A girl who was arrested by the Cheaters Detective Agency said after watching the tape of her surveillance, “That’s not me! They hired someone who looks like me to be in that video.” Or a guy who told his girlfriend it wasn’t him on the surveillance tape: it was his twin brother he never told her about. Unbelievable. The lies come fast and furious on this show. When it comes to cheating in real life, lies are like bricks in a wall: pull one out and many more are sure to fall.

Broken! Now what?

When men are arrested Cheaters they seem not to know who to comfort in the situation: the person they cheated on or the person they cheated with. Cheating women don’t present themselves like that: when they are arrested, they are simply arrested. Some are distraught, but many feel compelled or inspired by the opportunity to end the relationship after being arrested.

Trust your instincts

Cheaters begins each show with the spouse/significant other giving a candid testimony of how they met the person they are investigating. It’s very reminiscent of how each case began in the now-defunct TV series. Illegal work which launched the career of Bruce Willis. Interestingly enough, nearly 100% of people who have their spouse/significant other investigated did so because their hunch was that they were cheating.

We don’t know how often the cheating detective agency fails to find concrete evidence once hired. These types of cases happen and it would be very realistic to document that sometimes men and women have sneaky suspicions that stem from insecurities, trust issues, or just plain paranoia.

It’s different from an instinctive feeling that constantly gnaws at your stomach and won’t go away. The biggest lesson learned from Cheaters is that if your gut has been telling you – for a while – that your spouse/significant other is cheating on you, you need to act on it. Chances are your gut is aware of something that you are not.

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