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Dole Sunshine Seeks The Pope To Absolve The Humble Apple

We like to think of the apple as the Original Snack, not the Original Sin. Dole Sunshine, world’s largest producer of fruits and vegetables has begun an in-jest campaign this World Fruit day, requesting His Holiness, the Pope to absolve the apple, purge it of its forbidden rep and redeem it as the original snack. Let us not forget that fruit was the only thing on the menu in the Garden of Eden, the letter says, our Lord and Maker must surely have been a fruitarian Himself. 

via Dole Sunshine

The tongue-in-cheek request was published as an open letter in a newspaper the Pope is known to read; the Vatican must understand that the word ‘apple’ was not mentioned anywhere in the Bible, but a play of languages have made the sweet fruit evil, leading to the most catastrophic PR disaster fruit has ever faced. From Milton’s Paradise Lost to Durer’s Adam and Eve, the humble fruit has been the punched butt of satires and epics. To slander a nutritious fruit this way is not something Dole Sunshine would easily accept, for this is the fruit that led to Newton’s greatest epiphany and helped us uncover the secrets of the universe. 

Adam and Eve committed the Original Sin of tasting the Original Snack 4,000 years ago. But if disobedience results in nourishment, is it not a virtue? And apples aren’t the only fruit the producer is concerned for. Bananas have been almost equally sabotaged and satirized.

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But something needs to change this year. Perhaps more sinful, high-calorie, low-fiber indulgences need to replace the fruit narrative. Dole Sunshine Seeks His Holiness to scratch off this one small word from the Bible – fruit – and change it into something more fitting. The producer jokingly says that it understands if the Pope cannot do that. But perhaps a word of support would be enough to encourage his followers to enjoy fruits. 

Because now, more than ever, no fruit should be forbidden. 

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