Romantic relationships are often roller coaster rides. There are nerves and excitement in the beginning, a terrifying moment of letting yourself fall, then the routine ups and downs that come along with all of our lives. But no matter how long you're coasting along comfortably, a sudden realization or abrupt change can make you realize that it’s all coming to an end.

People have been opening up on Reddit about the moments they knew their relationships and marriages were over, so we’ve gathered some of their most heartbreaking stories below. Be sure to upvote the accounts that hit home for you, and keep reading to find a conversation with Relationship Coach and Marriage Expert Lee H. Baucom, PhD.

#1

My last relationship ended with her saying the words , " we need to re-home your dog." I have a 12yo Shiba , have had him since he was a puppy . That's my boy , Shiba's can be a handful , but she knew my dog is my kid , I knew right then we were done . Some people will get it , some won't.

Image credits: MommaTryed38

#2

When I realized that I am happier when he isn’t around.

Image credits: saltyeleven

#3

I found out I was pregnant close to our 5 year wedding anniversary. When I asked what he wanted for our anniversary he said an abortion. When I miscarried 3 weeks later he threw a party for it. The irony of it all is that we got a divorce cause he knocked up another chick that refused to abort cause she was catholic and needed to be married to him so the child would not be a bastard. He is miserable in another marriage and I have been happily divorced for 6 years now.

Image credits: ToastyToastersToast

To gain more insight on how we typically realize that our relationships must come to an end, we reached out to therapist and creator of Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. "For many people, the end of a relationship sneaks up on them. Mostly, because the more disconnected you become, the less you notice the relationship," the expert explained.

"But there is often a proverbial straw that breaks the relationship’s back. There is some point that the disconnection becomes so obvious and so painful, you can’t un-see it," Dr. Baucom continued. "And for many people, that moment is crushing — to their heart, their hopes, and the relationship."

#4

I looked up one day and realized I'd spent 5 years trying to help him stop drinking, and he'd spent 5 years finding better ways to hide his drinking from me.

Alcoholism is a horrible f*****g disease.

Image credits: lbeaty1981

#5

When he demanded that I get one of my friends to f**k him if I wasn't going to do it myself.

He'd been back home, from an out-of-town job, for barely half an hour. We'd been apart maybe two weeks. I was on my period and flooding *heavily*, which I had already told him. But he demanded to get laid anyway.

It turned out I had a uterine tumor, but I didn't know that at the time. I only knew my periods were hell. And so did he. He was there when I bled through two overnight pads onto our friends' white wool sofa in front of an entire Super Bowl party. He was there when my pain was so bad I cried and sobbed and panted and threw up for an hour, and all he did was go back to bed.

He knew something was genuinely wrong, but he didn't care beyond how it interfered with him getting his d**k wet. My pain and suffering were irrelevant to him, and "get one of your friends to f**k me, then!" was the moment I was finally so shocked I let myself acknowledge it.

It was the moment I saw with complete clarity that his selfishness was both total and insurmountable. It was the moment I realized he didn't, and indeed probably couldn't, love me.

So I said, "That's it. I'm done. This is over." And I picked up my bag and walked out the door with only the clothes on my back, and never went back.

#6

When she wasn’t the first person I wanted to share the good and bad news from my day with anymore.

Image credits: JohanB3

When someone does realize that it's time for their relationship to come to an end, Dr. Baucom recommends taking some time to gather their thoughts before immediately speaking to their partner. "First, many times when people think a relationship needs to end, it is in a moment of pain and hurt," the therapist shared. "That is rarely the best time to talk. It is more reactive than responsive, more emotional than processed. And there are plenty of times that someone has an initial reaction that the relationship needs to end, when they then realize the relationship needs to change — if possible."

#7

When i realized i was the only one planning our future and he was just there riding along with whatever i came up with. It felt very lonely and exhausting. I wanted a life partner that could help lead the way and carry the load with me.

Image credits: hello_enya

#8

When the things they did didn’t make me mad anymore. I just didn’t care. At all. So it was easy to walk away.

Image credits: claire0

#9

His mom kept saying stuff while no one was around but he wouldn’t believe me. Then she would change her whole story when even one witness was around and I looked like a fool.

This has been happening and then his grandmother died. His mom told my parents that they should not come for the funeral and she also told me that I should not come to the funeral either. We have a custom as per which a new bride of the family first goes to a happy family event. Since no such event had happened in his family even 2 years into our marriage. His mom was of the view that we shouldn’t attend the funeral. She kept insisting on this point so we did not go. Then she started telling everyone we knew in common about what a shit daughter in law she had and how shit my parents were too for not even coming to something like grandmother’s funeral. My ex husband knew what had happened but not once did he call his mother out. Instead he said if I keep saying such things then it would be very difficult for us to live together which in my dictionary means he basically threatened me with a divorce. No one says such things without meaning it. So I knew in my head I was going to get divorced. Just gave myself more than a year to be mentally prepared for it. Once I was mentally ready I straight up told him I wanted a divorce after a heated argument. He was in shock because most Indian women don’t ever ask for divorce and keep dealing with the in laws bullshit all their lives. Its expected of us like breathing is expected of humans. That family can go all fuck themselves.

"Second, when people don’t take a bit of time to process, they often cause more hurt than is necessary, affecting any future relationship (co-parenting together, for example), and causing more psychological pain than is necessary," Dr. Baucom continued. "Not to mention, it almost always causes an unnecessary amplification of the conflict. You both end up more angry than is necessary."

"Third, for every story where someone 'knew' it was over, there are others where they felt the same, then found a way to a better, healed relationship," the expert added. "Reacting in the moment is never necessary, and sure can create more chaos than is necessary."

#10

When I realized I did not like the person I had become in the relationship.

Image credits: yggdrasil_shade

#11

The doctor says, “I think you have stomach cancer. I want to scope your stomach at 5:00 am.” I was terrified. I just went home and sat stunned on the couch with the dogs for hours until she got home from work.

She gets home. I ask her to sit down. I tell her what the doctor said. I say that I’ll need her to take off work the next day because i won’t be able to drive afterwards and I need her to drive me.

“But I don’t want to miss work,” she says.

That’s the exact moment I knew our marriage was over.

Image credits: TheMadIrishman327

#12

I got pregnant right when our marriage started going to shit. We had been together for six years and then married for seven. I waited to even think about having children, and I should have gotten back on birth control a couple of months prior but Felt like I had things under control in that department. Well, surprise!! Anyway, when he left me in the hospital after having just given birth and told me he be back in a little while because he had gotten his vehicle stuck and needed to go have it towed (something along these lines). I knew that I was not going to see him again, he left me in the hospital with a brand new baby. Thank God his sister came down and she drove me and the baby home. I didn’t see him again until the baby was like nine days old.
For the record, the “baby” is an 18 year old college freshman and I could not imagine my life without him. So, for all that heartache, I got the best gift of my life!

When it's clear that the relationship cannot be repaired, however, Dr. Baucom says that speaking to your partner both lovingly and clearly is the key. "Being honest without attacking can go a long way in being clear about your intention," he explained. "But it allows for a parting under more kind feelings. If you have shared love in the past, it is sad to torch that past when the love is no longer there. You can avoid blame, but still be clear of your need to end. There is never a winner in a race to being the bigger victim."

#13

I'd just come home from another 12 hour shift at work. The baby's diaper was dirty, the house was a mess, the sink was stacked with dishes, and my ex was goofing around on the computer like always. I remember thinking, as I grabbed the baby and changed his diaper, "I can't wait until [ex] leaves for his business trip, he's no f**king help, it's easier to do this alone and not have him AND the baby messing things up." Lightbulb moment: IT'S EASIER TO DO THIS ALONE. Anyway, I was changing the baby, and Ex snuck up behind me and grabbed my ass. He always did that, even after I told him not to. While he was on his trip, I researched marriage counselors. We went to an intake session, voiced our frustrations with the housework (me) and lack of sex (him), and went home. On the drive home, he said, "If we divorce, we can still sleep together casually, right?" And we're done here! Separated within a month, and he never got any from me again. (Happy ending: stayed single for a few years, it was fun, reconnected with an old friend, fell in love and married him, he is kind and respectful and we take good care of each other)

Image credits: insertcaffeine

#14

I hated hearing her car pull in the driveway when she got off work.

Image credits: TrickBoom414

#15

When our power was shut off but he had just purchased a new “fun” car for himself-three weeks after totaling his other “fun” car. I had no idea we were so behind on the bills because he insisted on always being in charge of finances since I “just stayed home and didn’t work”. I opened up my own bank account the next day and put 20 dollars he had given me for groceries in it. Started cleaning houses during the day while my mom watched my kids. Left six months later.

Image credits: [deleted]

"As is true in pretty much any human encounter, we are always better for treating others as we would want to be treated," Dr. Baucom added. "Not how we were treated, or treating them in a way to make a point. But the way we want to be treated. If we live that out, the most difficult communications find the best path they can."

If you'd like to gain more insight on relationships on your own marriage from the expert, be sure to visit Dr. Baucom's website Save the Marriage.

#16

When I woke up three days post surgery — there had been a cancer scare and complications — I whispered to my husband. “Could you get me some ice chips?” Mind you, I had not been out of bed or eating/drinking, much less awake. He said, stone-faced, “get them yourself.” Not at that moment, but when I processed it later, I knew I could not grow old and be vulnerable with him. Years later, his excuse was that he had just been on the phone with his mother.

Image credits: Magoo1963

#17

When we were in a counseling session, and the counselor asked me why I was so unhappy. I said it felt like I was the one to have to make the adjustments, compromises and sacrifices, our entire marriage. While my exH refused to give up anything.

She said that was a powerful statement but probably not accurate, then turned to my ex and asked how he felt about what I said. He just shrugged and said, she’s right. I didn’t feel the need to sacrifice anything. And she always gave in.

No apologies. No offer to make changes. Just said it would be more of the same.

I was done.

#18

The words still resonate in my head. "Either you move out or I'm moving out, I haven't loved you for the past year" My first thought was wait that was all fake! as I thought about all we had done together over the past year. I moved out and she filed and finalized a divorce. 3 months after the divorce was final she was at my door crying and saying she wanted to get back together because apparently the guy she had been having an affair with wasn't that great after all. Nope, but thanks for ripping all the scabs off my slowing healing wounds from this. Those we dark days as we had been together 9 years total and married for 7.

#19

I deployed to Iraq and my first paycheck with extra pay hit our account about 2 weeks later. He turned around and spent $250 on cigars. He was unemployed on purpose and we had no children. But because of him, we were broke AF. I canceled his card, took over the account, paid all bills and filed for divorce after I got back.

#20

Me and my boyfriend were long distance towards the end, so I’d say when I started dreading our nightly facetimes and realized I enjoyed my personal time way more than talking/hanging out with him. Harsh, but true.

Image credits: PasstheKu5h

#21

When he gave me an STD after 16 yrs of marriage, then blamed me!

Image credits: Straight-Fig-4008

#22

We went to counselling. First session was productive...we were given "homework."

The second session the counselor asked how we did. When it was discovered she didn't do her "homework" the counselor called her out on it.

We left her office and she said "I don't want to do counselling anymore."

That was when I knew.

Image credits: myonkin

#23

When my oldest daughter asked me why daddy and I hated each other. I didn’t think our problems affected her up until that point and I knew I couldn’t let her grow up in that kind of home.

Image credits: Dysteech

#24

When she told me to stop trying to control her for asking her to stop drinking and driving

She had a car accident a few hours later and almost died

I don't care if you're irresponsible with your own life but when you drink and drive you put others at risk and the fact a 24 year old had to be told not to do that was shocking

#25

When she told me she cheated on me.

There's a lot I can forgive, or at least decide it's not a deal breaker, but cheating is one of the lines where crossing it is an instant one. Even if she was drunk, I don't care, because it wasn't just one mistake. It was a series of stupid mistakes.

She went to a house party with a few friends and got tipsy. Then she started to flirt with another guy. Then she continued to flirt with him for an hour. Then she went upstairs and made out with him, then slept with him.

"I was drunk," isn't an excuse.

Image credits: TemptCiderFan

#26

I realized he didn’t even like me. Super judgey and just using me, definitely was a convenience thing.

Image credits: anon

#27

When I couldn't pass my licence exam and was really upset and he said "haha loser!"

Image credits: Great7852

#28

When I realized most of the relationship was built on lies to make me like her.

Image credits: ToastRoyale

#29

When my ex would state 10 seconds into every argument (which became more frequent) that "maybe we don't belong together".


I think it was her way of guilting me into ending the argument and switching to comforting/assuring her, but one time she said it and I was just like "well, maybe you're right"



I knew right then that we were done, there was no walking that back, and I felt so much relief.

Image credits: EarlSandwich0045

#30

I started getting busier and busier, and as time passed I realized it started feeling like a chore to text or talk to him. I realized I wasn’t as invested in what he had to say anymore.

Image credits: Sufficient-Soup3538

#31

My ex would taunt me with the idea that he would have proposed had I not (insert latest error on my part here). It really hurt as he knew how important marriage was to me. Then I heard via a friend that he actually was intending to propose during our upcoming summer holiday and I just felt dread. I finished it that weekend.

Image credits: Teapigs1984

#32

I would audibly groan when they texted/called/snapped me.

Image credits: irishiwasdead2

#33

Caught her in one lie, a few months later caught her in another, this cycle went on for about a year and a half (we dated for 3 years). Each time I chose to forgive her I was already worried what the next lie would be. She would then get mad at me for being worried that she’s lying to me. That’s when (I now realize) I should’ve stopped loving her. She wound up cheating on me and that was the last time I’d let her lie to my face. It hurt so much because I really thought that she was the one.

Its been just over a year since we broke up now and I’ve mostly moved on but I still think about her occasionally because I enjoyed the good times. The worst part is that now I have a situation with someone who I know is good for me and I should love her and I want to, but I sort of just feel numb to it. I think it’ll be a while before I really love someone like that again.

#34

When I made a desperate hail Mary attempt at saving the relationship and poured my guts out to her, told her every feeling I had for her, where I saw our future going and pleaded with her to tell me who she needed me to become. Her response was to go mumble "pathetic" under her breath and just walk off shaking her head.

#35

I spent 3 weeks sleeping in the hospice waiting for my grandad to die, and they spent it sleeping with my best mate... At least they had the decency to make it clear it was entirely my own fault o.0

Image credits: SarcasmWarning

#36

When she told me that my presence was triggering to her.

Image credits: zorks_studpile

#37

We went 24 hours without talking to each other. Not a text message, a phone call, surely not seeing each other in person. Zero communication whatsoever. I dont think that from the day we met we ever went 24 hours without at least a text message between us. Things weren't great between us in the last months prior, I'd had a feeling we were headed to the end, but that day, I knew. I sat looking at my phone, having not seen her name pop up all day, and not even feeling the desire to reach out to her, I knew then it was just a matter of time. About a month later, we called it quite

Image credits: Klown1327

#38

I won an all expenses paid trip for two to the Superbowl courtesy of Budweiser.
Had a bunch of extras given, vip tickets to concerts happening the days leading to the Superbowl, a superbowl experience trip, was supposed to go golfing, vip tickets to the pre-show and game tickets in a section with unlimited free booze.
Then husband was a total a*****e the entire time. Refused to do any of the included activities. Only wanted to find craft beer bars to hang out in. At one point got s**t faced and wondered around the hotel in a bathrobe yelling at random people while the head of the Budweiser distributor in my town is sitting down trying to recruit me for a job.
The morning of the Superbowl he decides he doesn't want to go and wants to sell the tickets instead. So I sell the tickets and hand him $14k from the sale of the tickets. (Have an interesting story about who bought them)
Three days later he is telling me to kill myself because I'm an awful b***h.
It was that moment I understood that this person was miserable and there was nothing in the world that could ever make them happy and I needed to get the f**k out.

#39

When I found out he was already in a relationship with a different girl before he even met me, yet still approached me and started a relationship with me. And continued to date her. While dating me. The entire time we were together.

#40

When my grandfather died, she told me she doesn’t care. That was the 5th and the last year of our marriage.

#41

She hangs out with the guy all the time that she told you not to worry about.

Image credits: burtonfire87

#42

I asked her do you still wanna be together and she answered idk? …. Cut her off right there…..

Ive asked my now wife this same question before and she has always answered ”yes of course“ even when she’s mad so I knew she was the right one.

#43

I was a stranger in my own home. Was never touched unless he needed release. He would literally remind me every day that I was not worthy of him, that he was only around because of our child.

#44

When i would go down in the basement and pretend to do laundry to get time by myself away from her.

Image credits: effectivelysingle

#45

When he said, "I love seeing you cry." Called me a slur about African people when I got my hair cornrowed. Also, he had a female best friend I was not allowed to approach, speak to, or say her name, and caught them getting dressed together in his room on a suprise visit.

#46

I was recovering from a serious car accident, and my recovery was an agonisingly slow process. While staying with my mum during my recovery, I had a breakdown - screaming and crying out of frustration, and saying that I wanted to die as it was too much.

My then boyfriend could hear all of this happening from downstairs, and came up into the room, where my mum was crying at the state I had gotten myself into. Every fibre of my soul and being wanted him to cuddle me, not even say anything, just hold me for that moment.

Instead, he said nothing to me, ignoring the situation and everything that had happened, and said to my mum: “Thanks for the dinner. I’ve got work, so I’m going to head home.”

#47

The classic "COD before girlfriend" experience. I didn't get to just talk to him for over a month, closer to two, despite the fact that we went to the same church and were therefore in the same building every week. I got tired of my relationship amounting to a passing "hi" as he rushed off somewhere else or left to go play video games. He wasn't willing to change his behavior.

Funnily enough, he tried to propose over the phone not long after I broke up with him. Ew.

#48

My dad died. My dad that I had known for 21 years. She'd known him for 3 months.


We came back for the memorial. I spent all day being a shoulder for my mom and my siblings. I went to the room we were staying in tired of being a rock and need to break down. She then expected me to comfort her about my dad's death. When I pointed out how drained I was she said "I comforted you when you found out from now on it's your job to comfort me"


When our daughter was crying at the service I had to take her out because she said that it wasn't right to have her walk away from my dad's service.


Again my dad not hers.


I realized I wanted a divorce.

#49

When I found $80K worth of debits on a home equity line that I thought was close to paid off (paid $1K for years on the original amount and it was nearing the end of the term). She was using it like a piggy back and just taking out money whenever she wanted.

#50

When she started spending more time with her female tattoo artist instead of me, after telling me her tattoo artist actively desired her

#51

Our social activities only involved her friends, she would make an excuse why should couldnt come to the group activities that my friends and i were going to do.
She wouldnt come meet a very good friend of mine from the military who was in town for brunch, but wanted me to bring food home to her.
Also inviting ex boyfriends to holiday meals.

Our time together was beginning to be less and less as she would invite a third wheel friend to planned dates because so and so had a bad day.