When teenagers finally become adults, they are let in on the little secret that no one actually knows what they are doing. The truth is that even seasoned adults sometimes need to ask for help and advice to navigate life. 

One netizen asked the internet “What’s a common mistake people make in their 30s?” People shared the ups and downs, misconceptions, and little victories of growing older. So make yourself comfortable, maybe find somewhere to take notes and get to scrolling. Be sure to upvote your favorite posts and comment your thoughts below. 

#1

Stay in unhealthy toxic relationships.

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#2

Having kids for the sake of having kids.

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Once a person is in their mid-twenties, it can be hard to find real-life advice and mentorship. After all, you have been a full adult for some time by then, able to vote, drive, drink, and take out loans. You have possibly already participated in multiple election cycles and maybe even own a car. Younger people might already be coming to you for advice.

You might struggle to explain to them that you don’t really understand what is going on at the same time. So it’s no surprise that many people enter their 30s with only the inkling of a plan and just do their best. Just because someone has survived three decades doesn’t automatically mean they suddenly gain some deeper insight, just like turning twenty doesn’t unlock some new ability. 

#3

Thinking they are too old. Never too late to switch career paths or look for a new relationship or start taking care of your health.

Giterdun456:
I just turned 30 and realized I’m a bad person. Lying, manipulation, cheating, etc. But I went back into weekly therapy, and I'm pretty determined to not be like this going forward.

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#4

Not exercising enough and eating a cr*ppy diet. You can't get away with those things anymore like you did in your 20s.

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#5

Settling for a spouse.

thefox47545:

See this SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! People getting married for the sake of getting married. As a consequence, I'm seeing divorces SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH too! Been on dates where it's obvious the girl wants the title of wife more than actually being a wife.

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One area that many thirty-year-olds likely don’t think about until it’s too late is physical health. While the twenties are often a peak for many people, this can create bad habits down the line. When you are young, you feel invincible because, in many ways, you sort of are. This rarely translates into one’s thirties, so if a person doesn’t adjust their lifestyle, they end up feeling a lot worse without immediately understanding why. 

#6

Not wearing sunscreen and taking care of your skin. especially your face.

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#7

I think the biggest mistake _I_ made in my 30s was kind of going on autopilot. I'm 42 in a month, and, to be dead honest, I'm not sure my 30s even happened. It feels like I went from 29 to 40. And I think it's because I just kind of kept my head down and carried on as usual. I should have spent that time being more pro-active. Stupid me, but it doesn't have to be stupid you!

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#8

Staying at a job they are severely unhappy at and accepting toxic work environments. Cough cough teachers

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This is just as true when it comes to partners and careers. It’s actually a bit bizarre that high-school graduates are tasked with picking a career path, then often taking on a mountain of debt, with little-to-no real-life experience. The result is burnt-out people struggling to keep afloat in their twenties, trapped in jobs they don’t actually want to do. 

#9

Panicing. You do not need to have a great career, partner, 4-bedroom house, and baby on the way just because your 20s are over. Relax.

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#10

Not taking care of your teeth.

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#11

Romanticizing your 20s and fearing your 40s. (live where you are).

iamnottheuser:
It's so easy to romanticize the past and fear the future. Life is organic, and so are we. We will keep changing and oftentimes in a good way (stronger, wiser, more confident, etc.). I'm so happy to be who I am at 37.

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Some of the responses mention that you will notice time start to fly by quickly for the first time. In the blink of an eye, you go from 30 to 35, suddenly you are now 39. After all, the longer you live, the shorter each day, week, and even month seems, as time and experiences blend together. Learning to be present seems like eye-rolling cliche advice when you are young and can’t sit still for over four minutes, but it comes in handy later. 

#12

Being concerned about not being the young, trendy generation anymore. Wear your skinny jeans all you want, millennial women!

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#13

Taking care of your body. Once I turned 31 lots of medical issues arose for me from various things but contact sports leave more damage than you know. Go to the dentist go to the doctor be active. I say all this as I’m about to be in a hospital during a hurricane in Florida. Take care of yourself physically. mentally. and spiritually.

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#14

Making relationship decisions based on avoiding/meeting/holding on to milestones by a certain age. (I can't be a divorcee at 34, I have to be married by 34, I need to start a family in the next two years, I'm too old to start dating again, etc.)

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One reason why some may simply try to avoid this question is the tough-to-swallow reality that things tend to get worse. Your body breaks down, you really do need to be setting more money aside for retirement and you have less and less time to function. But you are finally at a stage in life where you have, hopefully, tried enough to know what you want. This knowledge is perhaps worth more than just its weight in gold, which can be simply bought and sold. Experience only comes with time. 

#15

Thinking you're a finished product, not likely to change all that much.

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#16

Biggest mistake I made in my 30's was not enjoying them more.

Young enough to party, still play some sports, and perfectly in place in any bar. You have energy, you have a circle of friends (that will get smaller, trust me).

Try to carpe a diem every once in a while, the decade passes VERY quickly.

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#17

Not listening to their burnout signals and just settling in for the long haul. You’re not going to make it. And if you do “make it” you won’t like yourself or the sacrifices you had to make along the way.

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#18

Not getting that thing checked out by a doctor.

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#19

Comparing their lifestyle to other 30-somethings.

ThunderBobMajerle:

Your peer's success can seem perfect from afar and make you feel inadequate. But if you sit down and talk with them, you will learn all sorts of shortcomings and difficulties in their life that will make you appreciate something about yourself and your situation. In other words, we're all just out here trying to function.

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#20

Not getting over or at least somewhat understanding your childhood and parental issues. Understanding that stuff can make the rest of your life easier.

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#21

Not stretching. Like not necessarily before exercise (though absolutely that too) but just in general.

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#22

Thinking you aren’t STILL sexy, sensual, and desirable. You are, you’re beautiful.

#23

Thinking you can’t make a difference in someone’s life because the world is too large to see your small act. I have a student with extreme depression, and I always remind her that it’s not a bad life, it’s a bad day when she has an attack. Even though she is usually too upset to talk or even respond, I just sit with her in silence until the crisis passes. A lot of people will ask me why I even bother, she’ll never get better, my action is insignificant and means nothing, but you know what: it meant something to her and made her life better. That’s good enough for me. Never think you can’t make a difference, people.

#24

Not starting to save for retirement.

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#25

Smoking. You need to quit that s**t. After 10 years of smoking I stopped smoking at the age of 28. Best thing I've ever done. Now I am 32, healthier than ever.

#26

Thinking you have to be settled in your career. 39 and starting over. Excited for new chapter.

#27

Thinking it's too late to do something. "I don't have any credit built", "I don't have any retirement savings", and get disheartened from trying. The best time was yesterday, the next best time is today.

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#28

Thinking you need the job, house, marriage, kids combo to be perfect.

I got into a profession I loved at 32, after I switched careers, and went back to school at 29. I've had 4 different jobs since.

Bought a house at 34. Got lucky. Right now is not the time.

Had a kid at 38- it took 6 years of trying.

I'm really happy.

No fairytale relationship, and that's ok. Never married, don't believe in it.

It's never too late to retrain for a job, houses depend a lot on APR and debt ratio, marriage is expensive if you do it with the wrong person, kids are a blessing if you want them, there are natural limits to fertility. If you don't, lots of wonderful contraceptive options don't depend on other people for that.

Live the life you want for you and the people who support and uplift you. Ignore social media and ignore social norms. Do commit to something special, a person, a project, a dream. Commitment yields good things! Don't lose out on a good thing you have, while imagining everything you do not have is better.

The grass is greener where you water it. Or you know, tear it up and plant something local. Everything I have achieved took years of planning, support, and intention. Slow and steady. Small and focused.

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#29

My mistake was not traveling and remaining in my own near-sighted American cocoon. My advice is to travel as soon as you can and sample what the World has to offer. Places in the U.S. and overseas may offer better environments and circumstances well beyond what you have today.

#30

This one is not specific to the 30s: Not understanding our inner world is the biggest mistake. As Carl Jung wrote: 'But you cannot flee from yourself. It is with you all the time and demands fulfillment.' A significant portion of who we truly are, what we like, what we are capable of, and the reasons we do the things we do, persist within a realm we don't actively understand or have access to. To become our true selves, we need introspection to learn about the aspects of our being that we are unaware of, dislike or hide. 

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#31

To summarize my points below: Your 30s is when you are really in the thick of "adulting". It's easy to loose focus on what is really important to you among all the demands and responsibilities.

Not Fostering Friendships: As you enter your 30s, maintaining and nurturing friendships becomes more challenging. It's a time when connections can fade, and forming new ones becomes harder. It's very important to invest effort in the friendships you currently have. **Edit:** A few people have commented about what to do when people don't reciprocate? My advise - keep trying! Everyone is under water in their 30's, they likely won't be able to make every attempt at outreach you make. But over time as things become less hectic they will remember you kept trying (without guilt) and will appreciate it and come back to you. But toxic people, yeah cut those out!

Not Nurturing Your Romantic Relationship: Responsibilities increase in your 30s like careers, parenthood, and caregiving for aging parents. It's common for the most crucial relationship – your romantic partnership – to be inadvertently neglected. Avoid taking your partner for granted, assuming they'll always be around, or treating them as an outlet for your worst moments.

Not Preserving Your Identity: Similar to the previous points, your 30s come with a whirlwind of conflicting priorities that can lead you to lose touch with your identity. It's easy to forget what truly brings you joy and satisfaction. Maintain a hobby that gives your life purpose and regularly reflect on whether your job still fulfills your needs in terms of purpose, financial stability, and overall satisfaction.

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