While parenting is seen as one of the most amazing gifts life can bring you, the challenges that come with it often remain invisible to an outsider's eye (except when kids throw an occasional public tantrum).

From tremendous pressure to be a perfect parent to loneliness when you are the only one with kids in your social circle, and even emotional exhaustion, being a mom or a dad is for the strongest of us.

This Reddit thread has parents and caregivers sharing brutally honest stories about the hardest part of raising kids despite the fact none of them would probably trade it for anything.

Bored Panda also reached out to Anisa Lewis, a parenting and leadership coach with two decades of experience in education who shared some useful insight into the challenges of modern parenting and ways to overcome them.

#1

Knowing that I’ll never truly be free again. I will worry about my child until the day I die.

Image credits: Runner_Grl

#2

Relentlessness. Kids don’t stop, they don’t go away, they always need to be fed, and cleaned, and entertained. They are always there, for 21 years+, they are always there. Every single day, every single hour. Kids are always there.

Image credits: Rkozlow

With so much information on how to be a perfect parent out there, many moms, dads and caregivers can feel overwhelmed. Anisa Lewis says that the “important thing here is to remember that there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect parent, we are all human and therefore perfectly imperfect.”

#3

Kids have an incredible ability to get really sick during the most inconvenient times.

Image credits: jgiffin

#4

Figuring out 3 meals, 8,000 snacks, 1,000 activities and settling for the fact they won’t like, want or do any of them.

Image credits: BurnThe___Down

She also shared some tips on dealing with the parenting pressure and feeling overwhelmed. “Work out what is right for you and your family – only you will know this. Seek help if you need it – it is okay not to be okay.”

Moreover, Anisa argues that it’s wise “to cut ties with things/people that make you compare yourself to others – social media, a person, a class you attend, etc.” According to her, it is about creating boundaries that allow you to bring out the best in you and your family without the pressure of comparison.

#5

The guilt when you have to stand up to your kids and discipline them. It's never fun to see them sad.

Image credits: AlwaysNipping

#6

The worst part of being a parent is realizing that you're never going to be perfect for them. You're only human yourself. You're weak, you're tired, you're fallible, just like them. And as such, you'll do/not-do something and you'll blow it out of proportion and crucify yourself, and you forget that you're just still human too.

And in that moment, in that lapse in judgment, you'll regret yelling at them, you'll wish you played with them a little bit better, you'll regret getting frustrated and impatient, and you'll regret criticizing them. You'll miss them, wherever they are, whoever old they are.

The worst part of being a parent is that you can't save them from yourself. It's all in the game of life, and every second of it takes effort and thoughtful energy.

Some days will be better than others. This too, shall pass.

Image credits: Rpark888

There also exist new challenges that today's parents face which didn’t exist in previous generations of parents. “New challenges such as screens, mobile phones and advances in technology were not there to be faced by previous generations,” Anisa explained.

The parenting coach also believes that the movement away from raising the family as a ‘village’ is something that is a challenge for this generation.

#7

The emotional pain of watching your children go through something almost unimaginably difficult knowing that your best efforts may not be enough to save them.

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#8

The worry that something horrible will happen to them. Sickness, kidnapping, getting lost, etc

Image credits: MelbaToast604

#9

Honestly, it is the lack of a few minutes to yourself for contemplation.

Image credits: rambo_oz3

With many people becoming parents later in life and others choosing a childfree lifestyle, it’s easy to become the only parent in your social circle. Anisa confirmed that raising kids can sometimes feel a little lonely and even isolating.

Her advice is “to create the social circle that you need around you, not to the detriment of cutting off ties with childless friends and family members, unless of course you want to.”

Moreover, Anisa encourages parents to look at classes you can join with your child or without.“Be open to new friendships. If there is a parent at pick up at a school or a club who also perhaps is looking around feeling a bit lost, approach them, start a conversation and see where it goes.”

#10

No/little free time

Image credits: MissingCalifornia-

#11

Do you like doing things? Say goodbye to doing any of those things.

Image credits: partial_birth

#12

Endless, thankless drudgery. The house is always disgusting. Everything you cook is garbage. Nothing is ever done, and everything you do is wrong. Constant expenses. Neverending judgment from total strangers about what a piece of s**t parent you are.

Image credits: Dragon_wryter

According to Anisa, “Even if you potentially don’t feel like joining the mums' or dads' night out, you may just find someone you gel with and then you don’t have to go to any others! Of course, if this is your thing, then enjoy.”

“Use social media for good, join parent groups that are around you locally and that allow you to connect with other like-minded parents,” she added.

#13

I recently had to explain to my 5 year old that her grandma (my mom) died because she was very sick... She lived with us for over a year because she had cancer and I was caring for her. My daughter has been getting a hold of my phone and calling my mom's phone to leave her voicemails. This is the first person close to her that she has lost. It hasn't really clicked yet, but when it does it is going to be absolutely catastrophic. Explaining death to a child is excruciating, especially when it is/was someone who was around often and so close to them. I have never had to do this before and I truly hope I never have to again, though I know that isn't realistic.

I'm sure there are worse things, but this is the worst thing for me currently.

#14

Being able to do seemingly next to nothing to console them when they see something traumatic.

Image credits: Drow_Sucker

#15

They naturally learn all your bad habits

Image credits: Shadow948

“Parents can often get lost in the throes of mother and fatherhood but it is important that you take time for you to do things that you enjoy doing such as a sport, time with friends when your kids aren’t there, a creative pursuit, go on dates. It is about being a little selfish and prioritizing you,” the positive parenting coach concluded.

#16

The sleep deprivation.

I'm serious, it wrecked me. I was already suffering from postpartum depression, and I was both breastfeeding and dealing with an unhelpful partner. I didn't sleep much until the baby was about a year old.

Cognitively and emotionally, it destroyed me. I made stupid mistakes at work and as a parent. I didn't trust or like myself -- or the baby.

That's the number one reason he's an only child. I can't handle the lack of sleep.

He's an amazing, creative, hilarious 15-year-old now; I love him and I love being the mom of a teenager. For one thing, he sleeps through the night.

Image credits: insertcaffeine

#17

Stepping back and letting them fail. While it can be extremely difficult it is a very important part of their development.

#18

Laugh.
‘It is the best of times, it is the worst of times’

It’s a life style adjustment, but it’s not like any of it is the worst, it’s all good. Having a kid or kids can make things harder, yet it also makes things joyous in an equal number of ways. Losing sleep yep. Reading to them in quiet moments .. that too.
Changing diapers, yep. Taking a nap with a snoozing baby is nice too. there are a zillion trade offs and it’s all worth it if you are able to take on some major changes in your life.

We were together for 15 years before we had kids, so we were well dug in, had careers, a house, did the ‘double income no kids’ thing, traveled some, had life for us. Eventually we decided it was time to do it. I was unsure, but sorta ready. Best decision we ever made. Looking back, maybe we waited a tiny bit too long? Hard to say, but I think getting well prepared outweighs that, because it can make everything harder too and having a relationship that can withstand those changes helps.

#19

Being unprepared for losing the child version of them. My son carries the younger "him" inside himself, but to me that little boy vanished almost overnight when he turned 13. I love the new older "him", don't get me wrong. But I grieve daily for the little one I no longer have access to, the tiny sweet one whose "I love you's" were uncomplicated and whose hugs seemed limitless.

#20

Loving someone so much, yet, sometimes you want to just beat the s**t out of.

Image credits: TrailerParkPrepper

#21

Having your own mental health problems and navigating through that while giving your all to them

#22

Lack of sleep impacts your ability to do everything else so that’s going as number 1. Number 2, for me, is that sometimes, when they’re having a full on breakdown because they don’t want to get in the bath they have literally every day on the one day you actually have to be somewhere, I look at them and really miss only taking care of me. I still love them, do not regret them, would never ever *tell* them, but they make things so much harder than it needs to be because they do not give a c**p about any priorities other than their own.

When that happens I do some deep breathing and remind myself that they’re just little kids, of course they don’t care about making other people wait.

#23

The constant fear. It may not always be at the front of your mind but it's always there. Are they ok, are the feeling sick, happy, sad. What are they not telling me. Are they safe when they go out. Do they understand I'm not trying to be a complete a**e, will they be ok when I'm gone.

Image credits: No_Swordfish_5518

#24

It depends what you are already lacking in life. Don't have a lot of money? Wait until daycare bills add up.

Don't have a lot of free time or get much sleep? Welcome to being a zombie for a few years.

Don't have much patience? You will be tested with every fiber of your being to shake your baby when it won't stop crying. You absolutely CANNOT do this by the way. It's better to put it down in a safe spot for a few minutes till you can do a few deep breaths and calm down and come back a bit more level headed.

Have a difficult time agreeing with your spouse on plans or values? Get ready for divorce or eternal resentment.

Not much of a sex life? Welcome to celibacy.

My daughter is the light of my life and I have so much joy with her now that she sleeps through the night and has a personality, but being a dad is hard and I occasionally find myself in a panic attack because I'm nervouss for what the hell I'm gonna do in August when the new one is born. We are privileged in many ways but it's still so hard!

#25

The fear.

Anything could happen, at any moment, that would completely destroy your world.

Image credits: MrSpindles

#26

I’ve raised two to adulthood. Your children become your your raison d’être no matter how determined you are to carve out space in your life for you. They burrow into your soul. The hardest part? When they go, the first time you walk into that empty room. When it hits you that it’s over.

#27

I hate packing lunch for daycare. I don't know why, but it is so stressful.

#28

Watching your kid make the same mistake you did even though you tried to warn them about the dangers and let them know good and well what it cost you!

#29

Not me, but my best friend told me the thing he hates the most about being a parent is just not having any money for him to spend on his wife. Before they had kids, he would surprise her with little gifts every now and again and it would make her so happy. Now he's starting to feel bad now that he can't do that anymore

Image credits: Author_Story_Teller

#30

My kids are 1 and 3 years old and although i love them to death and would never want to lose them again I do sometimes miss my freedom. When i see how easy it is for ppl who dont have kids to do things such as travel or pursue hobbies i get kinda sad and wish i could still do those things too.

Image credits: doubt_me

#31

Kids

#32

(as a father)

When they were too young and I couldn't connect with them.

When they are sick, need to undergo an operation.. even a blood sample or a vaccine, it really breaks my heart to watch that.

When you think you are doing that parenting thing right, but somehow your kid does the opposite as you expected.

When your partner and yourself are not on the same page in terms of parenting and it creates conflicts in the couple.

#33

Some days, due to any factors (no energy, stressed due to finances, etc...), you just can't deal with them. You don't have the energy to play with them, any small things will irritate you so much that you will yell at them for stupid reasons. You'll tell them to play alone to stop disturbing you. They will be sad and you will feel so much like s**t afterward. You will feel like you failed but you mentally could not deal with them. But they are young and you are the only thing for them so you will have such a big failure feeling. Those days are the worst, you already feel like s**t due to outside factors and then you add on top of that the feeling to fail as a parent.

#34

That feeling when they are asleep and you look at them and realize they are growing every day and one day they will not need you anymore. You are happy because you know they love you and they are loved but it’s bittersweet because they will get older and these moments are less and less everyday so you try and capture them and smile through that feeling of dread.

It’s best and worst feeling rolled into one and is hard to explain.

#35

Whether they are toodlers or teenagers the following quote applies equally:

> It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop...ever, until you are dead!

Also, there is the possibility that despite doing all the right things they'll still turn out to be an a*****e.

#36

Being sick. I have had strep twice in the past two months. But even though I was in pain, wracked with fever, and just wanted to sleep, those tiny people still needed to be fed. They needed baths. They needed stories and love. They needed rides to their after school activities.

I just needed a nap

#37

The death of your former self. For 20, 30 however many years you've been able to do anything on a whim. When you have kids that part of you dies, you have to come to terms with a life that revolves around something/someone else. It's hard to understand or internalize at first.

#38

Not a worst parts but my tip with kids.

1- don't hesitate to ask for help.

2- do not lock yourself to your kids. Have them babysit and go do something for you once in a while. Just take a brake. Go sit alone in a parking lot, go watch a movie, anything. Just take a brake from the kid(s).

3- don't try to raise your kids with everyone tips. Do not listen to your mom / dad on how to raise a kids, they did a bad job and you know it (jk).

4- good luck, you'll need it

#39

not being on the same wavelength as other family members.. them trying to have your children be apart of their life when you are not .. thats awkward

#40

The strain it can put on your relationship. My wife had some pretty serious post partum depression which she took out on me and we were both pretty immature when our child was born. For the first eight months she could barely take care of herself and I had/have a very demanding job that left me on edge when Id get home. After a lot of fights and a strained relationship we slowly grew and came out a lot stronger than we were.

Despite the hardships I'm overjoyed over our child. I'm glad we were pretty young (by our country's standards) so that we will have more time with him and we're trying for another. Life changes dramatically and its impossible to be ready for it.

#41

You will never again sit for more than 5 minutes at a time without having to fulfill some sort of request.

Today, my youngest screamed for 3 hours straight because of teething.

Both my kids are sick, I am sick, and I had them fighting for leg space to snuggle on me. All day.

Haven't slept through the night in 3 years. They wake me up at 6am usually. And it's a full day of non stop craziness. Every day. All day. Forever

#42

The fact that horrible things can happen to them and it will ultimately be your fault.

Nuclear war, climate crisis, pandemic. Once they're here, they're in this world you brought them into, for the long haul. And, it's not just world-wide existential type threats but like...any kind of pain or illness. You hear about things in the news, people suffering some random painful death of this or that cause. Or getting into some debilitating accident.

Whatever horrible thing you hear about. That's within the realm of human experience, that's something your kid could go through.

If your kid is not in your sights at this moment -- that's something your kid could be going through right now and you don't even know it. Having some anaphylactic reaction or getting crushed under playground equipment at pre-K or some other dumb random painful event.

Your kid vomits and you clean them and bundled them up and tell them "It's going to be okay, it's just a lil stomach bug" and it probably is but that's also probably what every parent who's kid caught some f****d up fatal disease told them at the outset.

After 80 or so years, you'll be gone from this world but your kid will still have to face whatever's left to come and, yeah maybe it'll be kind of cool but it could also be really s**t. Maybe it'll be one of these dark NSFL stories you've scrolled past about radioactive criticality accidents or people getting tortured by cartels.

"Imagine if X happened" is no longer some laissez faire daydream about how cool and confident you'd be in some hypothetical apocalyptic emergency. It's an eternal apology for whatever you've inflicted on previously blissful oblivion.

To me, that's the hardest part but also kind of the sleep-deprivation.

#43

If you suddenly not become a parent.

#44

My son had cancer when he was 3 . Went to the best DR. We could find. That’s when the DR. took out his eye. My wife was pregnant and they told us it would run in the family.

#45

The constant fear that he could die at any point in time, if I’m not careful.

I was carting him around in his stroller, and walked past a fast-moving creek. Just looking at the speed of the water had me carting him as far to the right of it as I could be, without walking into traffic.

#46

Different point of view here. From an old fart father, when after all your decades of effort and time, they don't need you anymore. We want them to be independent, responsible adults, and when they are it seems both satisfying and sad at the same time.

#47

Right now, for me...explaining the concept of death to my 3 1/2y old.


My MIL is having their senior dog put down this week, and we have to explain, gently, that kiddo is going to go to Grandmas this week and the dog who has been there her whole life will be gone & Grandma is going to be sad.


Also the constant worry and anxiety. That s**t eats you alive.

(But then you look at them and snuggle them and realize you BUILT A PERSON and my god is amazing. Its a love you will never be able to explain )

#48

All of it. The bad heavily outweighed the good. I’ve regretted it for the better part of my life and there’s no taking it back.

#49

The boring parts are horrible.

I remember the last two self maintenance things I had to assist my son with -tying his shoes and checking/wiping his bottom after pottying. It’s just, over and over . . .