If it seems to you that the title of this article is a little dirty, this one is definitely for you. Enough with the family-friendly jokes and child-appropriate humor. It's time for some dirt and filth that we all secretly crave - dirty jokes or just funny adult jokes, in general, that would not be school-appropriate. And don't be shy; even if you don't like (lies) filthy adult jokes, you must admit that you at least find them funny. And hey, your secret is safe with us.

If you ever find yourself in a gathering with no child nearby, cracking Funny Dirty Jokes for adults is one way to liven up the party. The Susan of the group might give you a disapproving face, but heck, you better believe that she'll surely go see a priest after because she totally got the joke. It doesn't necessarily mean that all jokes for adults are of a sexual nature. Okay, most of them are, but hey, that's why we love them.

Below, we gathered some of the filthiest, dirtiest, or simply funny jokes for adults that the little ones would be better off not hearing. Do you know of any more funny dirty jokes? Have a personal favorite go-to adult joke? Share it with others!

#1

"My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her."

#2

"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."

#3

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

#4

"I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.”"

#5

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

#6

"I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."

#7

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

#8

"The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved."

#9

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

#10

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

#11

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

#12

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

#13

"Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst."

#14

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

#15

"My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow."

#16

"My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals."

#17

"I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person."

#18

"My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?"

#19

"As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice."

#20

Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”

Doctor: “To the morgue.”

Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”

Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

#21

"I'll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?""

#22

"I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."

#23

"I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section."

#24

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

#25

Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells!

#26

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

#27

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”

#28

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

#29

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

#30

"It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive."

#31

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

#32

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

#33

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

#34

Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”

Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”

#35

Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.

Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.

There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.

#36

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read."

#37

"I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other."

#38

"They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline."

#39

"The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family."

#40

What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."