As it’s that time of year again, here are some of the worst Christmas cracker jokes for your delectation:

• Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
• What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
• What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
• What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick
• Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s too far to walk
• What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
• What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
• Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
• What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
• Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elfis Presley
• What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve.
• How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 – there’s no-el
• Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
• What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
• Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
• What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Can you smell carrots?”
• Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
• What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
• What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
• How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
• Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
• What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
• What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
• What do you sing a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
• What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker