By now you’ve hopefully realized that what you see in porn is heavily doused in fantasy. Shower sex, in reality, isn’t always sexy. Most men don’t really produce that much volume when they come. You get the idea.

Threesomes are no different. According to Pornhub, “threesome” was in the top 10 search terms for 2018. People love the idea of a threesome. And while the fantasy of getting down with two people simultaneously certainly sounds good, the reality can be very, very different. Case in point: these four people.

This guy wanted to participate, but he just couldn’t show up.

If you can’t get it going, then all it is is a twosome.

“I’m a makeup artist, and I am a straight man. For work I’m often on fashion shows, so I work with a lot of models. One night after a Fashion Week event, me and two of the models that I did makeup for that day had a bit too much champagne. Things got a little silly, and we started throwing the idea of a threesome around. Before I knew it, we were back in one of their hotel rooms and they were undressing and kissing. I was thinking, ‘Damn is this really happening?’ It was not. I couldn’t get it up. I spent a few minutes in the bathroom yelling at my guy to cooperate because…LOOK WHERE WE WERE! To no avail. Eventually they got tired of waiting for me and started without me. I left.” —Tom N., 34

This guy had to change plans on the fly.

Last-minute changeups might happen, and all you can do is respect that.

“I was sleeping with two women from work, separately. But they both knew about each other. One night at a work party the opportunity presented itself for the three of us to combine forces. But one of the women was much more shy than the other, so at the last minute, she decided she wasn’t into it. So I was a gentleman and just had sex with the other one.” —Nick P., 36

This couple dealt with a guy who wouldn’t play by the rules.

For a threesome to go smoothly, everyone has to know the agreed-upon rules and abide by them. If someone’s not willing to cooperate, then it’s time to call things off.

“My boyfriend and I went to a Sex Party together for the first time, just to see how we liked it. We had always been curious about the idea and finally got the nerve to go. The one rule was no penetration with anyone else. We wanted to see how it went before we took that step, but anything else was pretty much on the table. For the first hour it was just me and him playing with each other, but eventually an attractive couple came up and asked if they could join. We agreed. Things got so hot, and we were all so turned on. The energy was palpable. In the heat of the moment the other woman’s husband tried to put it inside of me. My boyfriend’s eyes went red with rage and he shoved the guy off me. We have not been back to a sex party since. We do, however, watch a lot more porn together and our dirty talk has certainly gotten more intense.” —Gabrielle S., 31

This couple dealt with a third who got a little too attached.

Sometimes you have to break the news that you’re not, in fact, a throuple.

“We actually had an awesome threesome. It brought me and my boyfriend super close together. It felt great to be a team, connected, both working to please someone else. Honestly it was one of the best things we ever did for our sex lives. Until, of course, the guest star fell in love with my boyfriend, because he’s really quite good, and wouldn’t stop texting us to do it again. First she texted both of us in a group text hinting at doing it again, and eventually when we stopped responding she moved onto just texting him. Then she started sending sexy selfies, even when he told her that it was inappropriate to be messaging him without me present. Eventually I had to call her and tell her to stand the F down. I guess that’s what you get for finding a random threesome candidate on Tinder.” — Hannah B., 28

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