Self-Care has grown in popularity and there's a reason why. It helps people deal with stress in their everyday lives, but it is particularly helpful to people who are dealing with the extra stress of a Chronic illness. Coping with chronic illnesses can lead to clinical depression as a complication, due to the overwhelming stress involved.
The Cleveland Clinic estimates that up to one-third of the individuals with a serious medical condition experience symptoms of depression. A recent study in the medical journal, Cancer, found that the health-related quality of life "of the cancer survivors was significantly better than that of patients with chronic diseases after adjustment for age and sex."
| Do not judge those of us with chronic illnesses. We suffer more than you realize. |
Chronic Illness is hard. We have to deal with incredible ignorance from the general populace, our own families, friends, and even many doctors, about our conditions and about what life is like with a chronic illness. We have people who flat-out do not even believe that we are sick because, as the infamous saying goes, "You don't look sick". We have people who tell us, "Well you sure look good!" thinking they are giving us a compliment after we just got done telling them we feel like we are dying. The other day, my own mother, who has, for 22 years, never believed that I was really very ill, despite overwhelming, undeniable evidence and even the Social Security Administration giving me SSDI benefits 16 years ago, told me, in a store, in front of other people, "You don't really even need a walker. You just act like you're sicker than you really are!". Because my mother doesn't possess empathy. There are people on this planet like that, and sometimes you get to be related to them. They just do not understand how to be compassionate towards sick people. Why was I with her? Because I had nobody else to take me out, and sometimes spending 24/7 alone in my apartment gets rather isolating; the three friends I have who occasionally pick me up can only do so every once in a while. So, yes, I put up with someone who denies the entire reality of my existence to my face, on a regular basis, just to get out of my apartment, and to get groceries. This is the kind of adjustment you have to make when you lose your independence due to chronic illness and you cannot do things for yourself any longer.
| I am fully aware that I don't look sick, but the fact is that I am very sick. |
We have to put up with ignorance which is an insult on top of injury.
We have to put up with facing a terrifying, unknown future where we may never get better, and we don't get to know whether or not we will even improve.
We have to undergo dozens of medical tests, wait for results, often find out the results found nothing abnormal so doctors still do not know what to do with us, so we're back to square one, and we get anxious about it every time. When doctors do find abnormal things in my tests, it actually makes me happy, because it validates what I am trying to tell them - something my words alone are not enough to do.
| I may not look sick, but I am. I need your support. |
Many of us lose things. We lose our abilities to work, to attend school or college (or to finish and graduate), to drive a car, to ride a bus, to walk without a walker or a cane, to get around without a wheelchair, to take a shower without a shower chair since we cannot stand up in the shower anymore, to cook meals because it requires too much standing and too much energy, to exercise and lose weight when the whole world is obsessed with exercise and thinness, to go out and do things when we want to do, to socialize with friends, to attend events we are invited to which we want to attend but which we cannot (which then leads to having to explain to people that we were just too sick to be there, forcing us to face the fact that almost nobody ever understands that). Sometimes, we even lose our homes, due to poverty caused by chronic illness, which leads us to homelessness and to living, while sick, inside homeless shelters with horrible conditions. This happened to me three times. One thing you don't get to do at most homeless shelters is stay home during the day. So, if, say you're there because you're too disabled to work due to a chronic illness that forces you to need to lie down a lot, you better hope you have a car or somewhere to go where you can lie down, because you will not be doing so inside the homeless shelter.
We lose the ability to sit up in a chair for very long, to stand for more than a few minutes, to walk for more than ten minutes, to go to the bathroom without using a catheter, to live without taking 20 medications every day and 10 supplements, to eat normal diets, to dance, to ride bikes, to run, to go for long walks or hikes in nature and enjoy the surroundings of this beautiful world, to ever see the beautiful world because we're homebound and trapped inside all of the time, to have the energy to take a shower, to have the energy to clean our homes, to have the energy to get the mail, to get out of bed.
We lose a hell of a lot.
And that brings grief into the picture.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is famous for coming up with the Seven Stages o Grief, and for writing about grief quite a bit. In most people, these cycles are not horizontal. They fluctuate. In people wth chronic illnesses, we suffer losses all the time. Treatments fail. New illnesses are diagnosed and added to our mix. Doctors give up on us or do not know how to help us after we had faith in them. And we are thrown into grief all over again. So we might go through this cycle many times. We might be at the last stage of acceptance about our illness, but not about our current situation, still having some hope it will improve with a new treatment, and then be thrown back into the first stage of shock and denial when that treatment fails.
| The Seven Stages of Grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross |
Due to all of this stress and grief, self-care, the act of purposely and deliberately caring for ourselves in specific ways, is extremely important to those of us living with chronic illnesses. Feminist author Audre Lorde recognized the importance of self-care decades ago, as did many other women in the feminist movement. Self-care became a big part of psychotherapy too. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy specifically focuses a great deal on self-care and is used to treat a wide variety of mental illnesses, including - but not limited to - Borderline Personality Disorder, which is often the result of childhood trauma.
I have this photo of Audre Lorde with her quote about self-care on my bedroom wall, where all of my inspirational quotes are, right above the desk where I'm sitting and typing this:
I have this photo of Audre Lorde with her quote about self-care on my bedroom wall, where all of my inspirational quotes are, right above the desk where I'm sitting and typing this:
| Radical feminist Audre Lorde speaking about self-care over 30 years ago. |
There are basically six different types of self-care:
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| This chart was created by Liz at Soul Warriors where she has a free Self-Care Guidebook you can download. |
Another way of looking at self-care is through the seven different types on the below Self-Care Wheel:
- Physical Self-Care
- Psychological Self-Care
- Emotional Self-Care
- Spiritual Self-Care
- Personal Self-Care
- Professional Self-Care
- Physical Self-Care
I do not find much difference between the two lists and their graphs and consider the differences mostly a matter of semantics.
Basically, self-care boils down to taking care of your health physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, in every possible way you can.
There are so many ways to do this that it will require another blog post to go into them in depth, but I will mention some here.
Ways You Can Practice Self-Care Every Day:
Ways You Can Practice Self-Care Every Day:
Physical Self-Care could involve taking a shower, going to the doctor or dentist, doing light stretches or exercising - depending on your physical ability, getting physical therapy, eating a healthy meal, going to a doctor, taking your blood pressure and monitoring it, cleansing your face with a cleanser you like (I like using masks sometimes to get my pores really clean; it makes me feel refreshed), getting a good night's sleep, drinking lots and lots of water or other fluids (especially if you have POTS; I drink a pitcher of iced green tea every day and take five bottles of water and a couple of bottles of Powerade Zero to all my doctors' appointments), taking vitamins and supplements, taking medication (most of us probably know far too much about that!), petting your cat to get the sensation of something soft on your skin, sleeping with a comfortable pillow, silky sheets, or soft blanket, taking a bath (unless you have POTS; hot water is NOT good for us) with Epsom salts, lighting nicely scented candles, getting a massage, getting your nails done, and taking a nap when you're tired.
Emotional Self-Care could involve writing positive affirmations and reading them out loud to yourself every day or whenever you feel down, reading positive meditation books that inspire you to think positively about yourself, reading poetry that makes you feel inspired, going on Pinterest and looking at boards of positive, inspirational quotes and affirmations, printing out quotes and affirmations with graphics from the internet (I do this by downloading them and sending them to a photo place) and hanging them on your wall, practicing doing things with intention, such as thinking intentionally positive thoughts about yourself, and reminding yourself, whenever you get down on yourself, that you are not a bad person, a lazy person, an ugly person, a useless person, a failure, an unloved person, or any other negative messages, telling yourself that you love yourself and accept yourself, giving yourself a hug with your arms wrapped around yourself, forgiving yourself for past mistakes and perceived failures, avoiding watching violent movies or TV shows, setting boundaries with other people and keeping them so that people do not use or abuse you, staying away from toxic people, and getting out of stressful situations as soon as they start to prevent furthering the stress in your life.
Social Self-Care could involve spending time with a friend in person or talking to them on the phone, emailing with friends you cannot see in person (I have two close friends I mostly only communicate with through email, and one of them lives in Australia; I have never met her in person, but she is a big part of my support system), going into support groups on the internet which you can find on Facebook or on the websites of organizations for the specific conditions you have, making friends with people in those groups and messaging them, finding #spoonies on Twitter and socializing with them (if you like social media), checking out other people's Instagram accounts, commenting on them, and posting your own pictures so people can comment on yours, going out to lunch with someone - whether it be a friend or family member, visiting a neighbor, or attending a support group in person for the illness you have or for any other issues in life that you deal with which cause you stress. For example, there are many Fibromyalgia and Lupus groups across the country. The Lupus Foundation of America has them, and so does the National Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Association. Sometimes hospitals have classes or support groups for people with specific illnesses; you can always call your local hospital and ask about those.
There are also a ton of Twelve Step groups across the country for people who come from alcoholic families, including Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon, and rape crisis centers have support groups for survivors of sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse, which are usually free. The National Alliance on Mental Illness, the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, and Mental Health America all have support groups for mental illness across the country, which are free, and if you are dealing with depression, anxiety, or any mental illnesses these are excellent places to vent.
Practical Self-Care could involve doing your dishes, vacuuming, doing your laundry, paying your bills, taking care of medical appointments by making phone calls, writing things down in your calendar, cutting coupons for when you go grocery shopping, fixing something broken in your home, taking care of your pets or your children if you have them, going to the grocery store, arranging for someone to take you to the grocery store, or arranging for someone to go to the grocery store for you (depending on your level of mobility), creating a file system for your medical records and bills, decluttering and organizing an area of your home so it looks more neat and pleasant, decorating your home in a new way, painting walls, doing a craft/diy project to make something useful, making a list of things you need at the grocery store, gardening, watering plants, making phone calls to social services agencies like the Social Security Department (oh, what fun!), or making lists of things you need to do if you don't feel up to doing them right now.
Mental Self-Care could involve writing in a journal to vent your feelings, expressing your feelings on a blog (like this!), expressing your feelings through artwork, going to an art therapy class, seeing a therapist on a regular basis and talking to her about the issues that are making you feel stressed so that she can help you develop better coping mechanisms (I do this!), writing down negative thoughts on one side of a piece of paper and rewriting them with a positive thought on the other side of the piece of paper (I did this!), listening to music that soothes you (I do this every day, all the time!), going on mindful walks where you observe nature and all of your surroundings closely (I miss doing this now that I can't walk through parks), watching a funny movie or TV show to uplift your spirits, or watching Youtube videos of silly things like cute cats and animal tricks, watching anything you particularly like to distract yourself from negative feelings, practicing mindfulness (I do this!)learning about mindfulness through books, websites, or YouTube videos, meditating, writing a mission statement for how you want to live your life and the type of future you want for yourself to be a happier person and hanging it on your wall (I did this!), finding positive, encouraging quotes and writing them down in a notebook so that you can read them whenever you feel down (I did this too!), creating a scrapbook of inspiring images that make you feel hopeful or inspirational words (I did this too!), writing down things that you are angry or sad or resentful about and then burning the pieces of paper (somewhere safe for burning), seeing a psychiatrist if you need to, and taking antidepressant medications and any other type of psychotropic drug you need I do this).
| Music has always been healing and helped me cope. |
Spiritual Self-Care: If you believe in God and religion, you could attend a church regularly (or if you don't, you can attend a Unitarian Universalist church where you do not have to believe in God or religion), you could go to classes at your church, join the choir, go to events, and work in social self-care by meeting people there too. Spiritual self-care could also involve spending time in nature, just simply sitting outside somewhere and observing a lake, pond, ocean, grassy field or park, and noting all of the wildlife and the flora there, appreciating it and all of its beauty, taking it in and thinking about how wonderful it is that we live in a world with so many different creatures and habitats (this is basically practicing mindfulness), or getting involved in a social cause such as any kind of activist group. If you're a feminist, you could join NOW in the U.S. and find regular meetings of the chapter nearest you to attend; if you're interested in human rights, you could volunteer at a homeless shelter, a domestic violence program or shelter, an animal shelter, Habitat for Humanity, or many other places; Volunteer Match will hook you up. You could also become a Guardian Ad Litem to a child coming from an abusive home (if you're able to be very active). If you're interested in helping to raise awareness for the illness you have, then, by all means, find the organization closest to you that is doing that, and help them out! They could always use helping hands. If you're homebound, you could help online by being an administrator in a Facebook group or doing some other activity with social media. Another type of spiritual self-care would be collecting items around your home that you don't need and donate them to a women's shelter, or to a homeless shelter that has a thrift store too, or purchasing items specifically needed by women in shelters, like feminine hygiene products and personal hygiene products, and putting them in bags to deliver to shelters.
These are just some of the ways to practice self-care. Taking care of our souls should be our top priority!
- 101 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When the World Feels Overwhelming, from Upworthy
- 100 Powerful Ways to Relax and Calm Your Anxious Mind, from The Maven
- 50 Ways to Practice Self Care, from Thirteen Thoughts
| Big List: 50 Ways to Practice Self-Care |
Self-Care Checklist:
| A handy dandy self-care checklist for you to use! |
Recommended Books:
This post first appeared on Longing To Be Vertical: Life With Chronic Illnesses, please read the originial post: here
