“God places the lonely in families.”
Psalm 68:6
Psalm 68:6
Adoption is giving up or displaying a lack of faith.
Adoption is a magic cure to infertility.
Adoption is too expensive.
I can’t love an adopted child like I could love a biological one.
An adopted child will not bond with me like a
biological child.
Paul understood the bonding that occurs between a child and his adopted parents. The term “Abba” as it applies to God is equal to our term “Daddy”, and is one of the most personal and endearing terms we have for our Heavenly Father. Every time Paul used this term, it was in the context of our adoption as His children, symbolizing the deep bond that is created between adoptive parents and their children.
Adopted children have psychological issues.
Our youngest daughter does deal with anxiety and compulsive behaviors as a result of her past experiences, but it doesn't make us love her any less. If anything, she needs us more, to help erase the fear of the past and teach her what it means to live a life of love! You too, if you are considering adopting, should begin praying now for your soon-to-be child and your prayers will not fall on deaf or incapable ears.
Most adoption experts today advocate open communication with your children about their adoption. A child who spends most of his early years believing he is a biological child will have to adjust when told later on that he is in fact adopted. They have found that children who understand their exceptional circumstances early on have little to no difficulty accepting it as adolescents. In our own case, we pray for our daughters' birth mothers every night, and openly discuss their adoption on a regular basis. We have also prepared a “Life Book” for our girls, detailing in photo and word their journey before they came to us from their birth mothers and previous foster parents. We are creating an environment where the fact of their adoption and past history is just a natural a part of who they are, and something to be celebrated, as it reflects our own adoption into God's family.
This isn’t an unrealistic fear, but one that usually resolves itself. We faced opposition from our own family when they discovered we wanted to adopt. Comments like “don’t you want children of your own”, “you don’t know where they’ve come from”, “so-and-so knows someone who adopted and their kid ended being a nightmare”, and just simply “why would you want to do that” took us by surprise from those we most expected to support us. Scowls and frowns accompanied them, and, though disappointed by their attitude, we were so certain adoption was God’s plan for us that we weren’t daunted. We told them, gently yet firmly, that we were going to adopt, with or without their support. Between ourselves, my husband and I were prepared to do whatever was necessary for the welfare of our child, even if it meant severing ties with them. My mother wisely kept telling me that they would change their opinion once they saw the child, and that’s exactly what happened. The moment they saw that precious little girl, and how much we loved her, their hearts melted and she is now as cherished by them as if she came from my own womb. Once our second daughter came along, she was accepted as naturally as any birth-child.
While God reveres the act of adoption, He did not inflict infertility upon you so that you would adopt. What He does do is take the effects of sin and turn them into something beautiful. Children are a gift from God, however He chooses to give them. They all belong to Him, He only allows us the great privilege to raise them. Infertility is a result of sin, just as our separation from God was a result of sin. The act of adoption turns the woman devastated by infertility into a “happy mother of children”. It is God’s goodness triumphing over the evils of the world.
The birth mother can take back her child whenever she wishes.
Twenty years ago, the laws governing adoptions tended to be more favorable to birth mothers, and as a result, some heartbreaking and disquieting cases occurred in which adoptive parents lost their children to birth parents. Realizing this was not only detrimental to the child’s well-being, but also served to discourage adoption, the laws were reformed. The current laws give birth mothers ten business days after they sign a waiver of parental rights to rescind their decision. In the case of a child awaiting adoption through DSS, parental rights have already been terminated. In either case, once parental rights have been legally terminated, the birth parents no longer have any legal rights to that child and cannot reclaim him at any point. I’ll always dread my child finding out she’s adopted and searching for her birth parents.
Most adoption experts today advocate open communication with your children about their adoption. A child who spends most of his early years believing he is a biological child will have to adjust when told later on that he is in fact adopted. They have found that children who understand their exceptional circumstances early on have little to no difficulty accepting it as adolescents. In our own case, we pray for our daughters' birth mothers every night, and openly discuss their adoption on a regular basis. We have also prepared a “Life Book” for our girls, detailing in photo and word their journey before they came to us from their birth mothers and previous foster parents. We are creating an environment where the fact of their adoption and past history is just a natural a part of who they are, and something to be celebrated, as it reflects our own adoption into God's family.
When it comes to an adopted child’s search for their birth parents, I imagine most adoptive parent’s fears come from the idea that they will love them more. Ask any adult adoptee who has found their birthparents, and I think it would be nearly impossible to find one who feels more bonded with them than they do with the parents who so lovingly raised and sacrificed for them. The desire to know “where we come from” is a natural one and not to be feared. Most studies find that children simply want to know who their birth parents are, what they look like, etc, and aren’t looking for a replacement for their adoptive parents. Some carry on a relationship with them and some never communicate with them again, but their “real” parents are always the ones who have invested their lives in them.
My family won’t accept an adopted child.
God made me infertile so I would adopt a child.
