While it would've driven eight-year-old me crazy (just the idea of a bug in my presence), I'm sort of at a peace with it. They aren't inherently gross, they're just ants. But once, when I was around six or eight, part of my perfectionist complex had split the world into what was clean and dirty, good and bad, safe and dangerous. Ants and bugs severely repulsed me. I had a special ritual for how to wash my hands, I couldn't touch the facet to turn off the water after I washed my hands. My showers had an iternary, I had to be completely clean. It got to be worrisome, and my dad just sort of shook me out of the habits before it got obsessive.
But that obsessive little period was just an exhibition of my perfectionist complex - and those same rooted feelings would be the cause of other downfalls in my life.
So that's why it's a victory that I can sit here with ants crawling on me and not be all that freaked out. They're just insects, some sort of animal.
Yesterday was a really fun example of how just living life's flow can be really exciting, and I want to tell you guys about it.
I had a meeting for Kindred Kindness (our event is next Saturday!!), so I spent the hours beforehand downtown biking around on the Chatthoochee Riverwalk aimlessly, just enjoying the global warming induced weather (60+ºF in winter!!). Pausing to look at the abandoned buildings that I'd love to explore one night, some biking police patrols approached me and we talked about the trail. It's actually a twenty mile ride, but I've only been the fourteen miles in the southern direction.
The policemen told me that the northern way was a tad more unsafe for a girl by herself. (I mean, you have to go through the place where the homeless sex offenders live.)
But then, they invited me to bike with them because they were going north anyway. They'd show me the trail up north that way I knew how it went for future reference.
Long story short, I got to bike with a police escort!! And even when they were warning me about the hard hills, I showed them up! Of course, I had the advantage of weighing significantly less than them, a better bike, and being younger. But still. The northern trail is also much more beautiful. The river is right next to you, and there's a spot where you get to see where the dam starts, and the waterfall takes your breath away. It was also really helpful, as they showed me which spots to avoid because there might have been a murder or two there, or the bathrooms reeked too much of weed. It was just the funnest, randomest thing the happen - and it taught me a thing or two about recklessness within safety.
For me, I have a super fragile danger trigger, and it's usually a really reliable thing. I know when I should backtrack quickly from decisions when I feel uncomfortable, but I can also feel out when experiences are fun and safely reckless. Of course, I always love doing the weird things - yoga in abandoned fields, walking until I'm not sure where I am, and dreaming of couch surfing and house-sitting across the world. It's taken a while to get to the point where everythings doesn't have to fit in a box. Where routine isn't a neccesity. Where I don't have to follow a predetermination to remain clean and peaceful and calm. And it's pretty darn awesome.
And this is me introducing you to a lifechanger. Chocolate soy milk. It's been my staple in smoothies for awhile now, and I can safely confirm that it's delicious. This here is the most beautiful deep rich dark purple. 1/2 cup frozen cherries, 3-4 frozen bananas, 3/4 cup chocolate soy milk. Blend and top with cinnamon, buckwheat groats, chia seeds. <3