Thank goodness we have Candace. Probably the first and last time I'll be saying that for a while, considering what a hot mess she's become this season, but nevertheless she ended us from having to suffer through another ten minutes of Justin and Jeffery awkwardly and intensely staring at each other and breathing all up in each other's space. Candace comes home to find Jeffery and Justin in her house. Justin plays it off as if he's just following up on a call and once Candace clears everything up (saving Quita!!!!!) he leaves, but not before Candace's dirty ass notices that his zipper is down. Let's be honest, y'all would be staring down there too. He leaves and before Jeffery starts questioning how she got rid of Quincy's body and this is where things get a little tricky for me. Candace has been dead wrong about so much these past few episodes, but the one thing she has the right to be mad about is the one thing that's brought up - Jeffery covering for Wyatt. Candace has my blessing to go the hell off on him because one, he's hella annoying when it comes to covering up crimes, and two...it was her brother. I don't care how much you've always dreamed of fucking the cute rich white boy, that's her brother and she had the right to know. Anyways, Jeffery needs his damn keys and has no idea where they are and he asks to use her phone to track his keys. Then we have the return of Ericka. Who walks in eye humping Jeffery's gay ass. She comes back in with a dose of reality and reminds her that War is crazy as hell and that Candace needs to talk to Benny so she can mortgage his house. Pop back over to Jeffery who informs everyone that his keys are in the backyard, under the dirt. Where is that, you might ask? Probably in the pants pocket of Quincy's deceased corpse. Candace. Is. Fucked. She sends Ericka off as soon as Jeffery grabs a shovel and nearly stabs it into the ground because he has no idea her baby daddy is under there. She asks for her phone back and calls Benny to ask where the keys are. No surprise, they're with "the package" aka Quincy, 24 feet under. Candace finally spills the beans to Jeffery's dumb ass (although, could you really not tell from the enormous ass stretch of grass missing and Candace's ominous riddles? "Who's he?" Boi, if you don't...) and he screams out "YOU BURIED HIM HERE?!?!!?!" because he wanted the five o'clock news van to drive by. He also admits that Justin has been coming on to him and all of that stuff that I tried to block out last week but Candace comes through once again, saying "that's good." Whatever crazy ass scheme she's planning (it actually happens to be that Jeffery's going to have to play along with Justin's crazy), I'm in.
At the Cryer's, Hanna's broke ass is pulling every trick in the book looking far and wide for any type of money she can find in the house. Ripped straight out of an episode of Full House, Hanna tears down the couch looking for loose change because Katheryn refuses to give her her check unless she keeps working for her. Jewelry, coins, this black woman is pulling buttons off of these white people's suits. Katheryn's wondering how the hell Wyatt came into all of this money, the financial adviser tells her that the DA is behind all of it and that the money's been moved to an offshore account. Katheryn's also has to move money into their main account because of the 7.4 million dollars that Jim has been shoveling back and forth to the "Candy Cane company", aka Candace Young. And she also has to move around 30 million dollars in case they have a lawsuit. Blah blah blah, whatever. OKAY SO Hanna comes in with 980 dollars that she's found in the house (lol, Katheryn literally just moved thirty million with the snap of a finger) and tells Katheryn that's she's "not [her] slave". Katheryn's breakdown is the example of why this is probably the only story line in this show that resonates and carries any type of emotional weight. It's one of the few plot lines that have been building and building and building since the first episode of this show back in 2013. Everyone in Katheryn's life has called her names, disrespected her, or yelled at her or fought her and Hanna is the one person she was ever able to count on and the only person who made her feel like she had a true friend. Okay, yeah, she lied about Wyatt hitting Benny with the car but it's hard not to feel for her when that's probably the one unjustified thing she's done in the ENTIRE series. Katheryn brings Candace, and the 7.4 million dollars up and you can see a light bulb flicker in Hanna's head. She finally knows that Candace got all of the money to pay for everything by blackmailing Jim. After Katheryn begs her one last time not to leave, Hanna...does. And it's hard to watch because Katheryn's the only one I actually like in the show.
Wyatt's drug addict ass is doing hard cocaine and throws some other white boy out before he does some more coke with some girl. ...I don't care, I hope he overdoses. Let's just get some more shirtless scenes before he goes.
Mitch the Bitch shows Benny the paper with him and Veronica. He puts two and two together and figures out that the reason there is something fucked up happening with the business is, not only because of David, but because Benny couldn't keep it in his pants. Mitch begs him to tell David the truth so everything can go back to normal but Benny decides this week that he's going to be noble and that Veronica needs to be the one to tell him since she's his wife. Candace pops in to talk to Benny about War and how she needs to mortgage her house but speak of the devil, War pops up like a zit out of nowhere and plays coy like everything is fine before hugging her and telling her "don't try it, bitch." Okay?!!?!?!?!? Thankfully he leaves, before Candace tries to convince him to take the lawsuit against the Cryers. One, because he deserves it after they screwed him over and two, because it would mean she wouldn't have to BEG him to mortgage another house because she fucked up again. He starts warming up to the idea when he hears ten million, but refuses to change his stance because he wants to her "earn this money" himself. Candace then says what ever fan probably sighed, "Oh so you been talkin' to your mother?" When he says no, she finally tells him that she needs to mortgage absolutely everything. This is what I was talking about a few weeks ago. Benny is the brother Candace needs, but doesn't deserve, and she continues to skate on thinning ice. Not only did he just bury a body for her, but she needs to mortgage everything she GAVE him because of one of her idiotic schemes gone wrong. He calls her crazy and demands to know what the money is for. We're back to crazy Benny as he threatens to kill whoever is behind her asking all of this of him. He may be fed up, but he's still loyal as hell. I say this because based on Benny's behavior, I absolutely believe he would. Candace's crazy ass just laughs it off and says she was kidding, going back to her first deal which will give him ten million dollars. ...Then they go to lunch. Lol, okay?
Turns out they actually go to see a lawyer. Benny and Candace are at the lawyer's office, where he tells them that this should be an open and shut case. The Cryers have done so much shit they would probably just want to settle and leave it out of court to get it over with. The lawyer tells them that getting the grandfather and mother of the little girl who died would help their case out even more. Benny refuses, because he caught the grandfather and Hanna almost having sex that one time. Candace keeps a straight face as she insists that they know them and it's not a problem to reach out to them to get some help with the case. If she is able to make this happen, the lawyer implies he can assist her in getting a job with him or the firm. #CandyGoesLegit?!
David thinks he's The Flash running around everywhere and gets to the Prison. When he can't find Veronica, he demands to speak to Jim, when the woman says fuck no, he calls Veronica again and angrily storms out. Hopefully to another show. Unfortunately, David didn't head to another show, he headed to Jennifer's office where he begs her to give him Veronica's home address. He's just on this episode so the actor could get paid and we could laugh our asses off at how ridiculous he is, right? Right? Veronica didn't leave an address, so David asks her to go in and talk to Jim. David bats his eyes and Jennifer's dumb ass lets him in. Why is everyone on this damn show so stupid? Katheryn pays Jim a visit in jail, because she needs him to be "the asshole." PERFECT. He's nice, before she lays on that Hanna's quit and that Wyatt has all of his money now. He demands that she finds Wyatt, and rip Jennifer a new one. This scene just reminds us all why they are so toxicly perfect for each other. They're like an extremely low budget version of Frank and Claire Underwood on House of Cards.
Hanna goes to the hospital to check on Q, but she's stopped because she needs to talk to child welfare. Bruised, battered and black as hell. Aaliyah is back to take Q back and give him to Candace, in fear that she'll get another beat down from her and Ericka. Hanna knows this is some bullshit because Aaliyah won't even look her in the eyes and she has a bruise clear as day on her face. On one hand, fuck Candace. On the other hand, Hanna made it way too easy for Q to get taken away based on the fact she took that baby to a motel instead of staying with Benny. I'm reluctantly on Hanna's side, because once again fuck Candace, but Hanna was just a complete and utter moron about the whole situation.
Candace informs Ericka Benny laughed in her face when she asked to get the house mortgaged and Ericka offers to get her "guy" to forge the documents for her so they could go over Benny's head and get the house mortgaged anyway. Before she can agree to it (which you can see her contemplating), she gets a call and it's the grandfather of the little girl who Wyatt hit. She tells him that they are definitely suing the Cryers and could really use his help. She invites him over with Benny and the lawyer so everything can get worked out. "We're suing them!" is all Ericka needs to hear before she tells Candace to mortgage the house and use Benny's settlement money to pay it all off. Candace doesn't even try and stop Ericka when she goes out to get the info worked out for the deeds.
Quita gets outs and Veronica's lingering in the shadows of her car. To repay her, Quita reveals to Veronica (who looks good as fuck, exotic as fuck, bad bitch as fuck, Nubian as fuck) that "her husband" put out a hit on her. Wrong. But, hopefully when Veronica retaliates this will finally set David straight because I'm about FourFiveSeconds away from whopping his dumb black ass myself. Quita asks for help in finding Quincy, Veronica looks around wondering who the fuck Quita's asking because she swears to God she "don't know no Quincy." After a few exchanges, Quita reveals that she's pretty sure Candace and Jeffery killed him or at least did something to him and Veronica wipes her hands clean and tell her that she's going to take care of it and she can just go home. Veronica checks her security camera and sees that the sniper is in her house. She was already informed that he was instructed to shoot the first person to walk through the door and what does this Nubian queen do? Calls up Maggie and invites her over because she has some things too "personal" to share over the phone. I'm guessing personal is a bullet through the head, but that's just my guess.
EPISODE GRADE: B+
-"He put a gun to my head!" "First time? Happens to the best of us."
-"He's crazy." "You be crazier." I'M HERE FOR THIS. Jeffery is Veronica's son, after all.
-"I don't know no Quincy."
-"Calm down and stoo being dramatic."
-"Can I get a ride?" "Hell no."
-"That's the problem with the rich. You're able to buy anything you want, but you have to beg for what you need."
-"I have to go check on my grandson." Ugh, Lil Q? There ends the reign of Queen Hanna.
-"Maybe if you stopped calling judges asses..." "...Those sons of bitches don't deserve to be on the bench!"
-"You rip her a new one. You remind her why your name is Katheryn [unpronouncable] Cryer." "Don't worry." BITCH, THIS FINNA BE LIT. YOU KNEW IT THE MOMENT SHE SAID THAT.
-"I need to see Jim." "You need to see Maggie." SO. DAMN. PETTY.
-"Your sister can be very persuasive." Hands up if you think Candy fucked this dude!
-"I don't like that dude..." SO. DAMN. PETTY.
-"Your phones ringing." Bitch, we heard.
-"I know you leaked the pictures to the press." "Yeah, I did." At leas
-THAT EVIL GRINCH LAUGH AT THE END WAS EVERYTHING.
-CLICK HERE for more #HAHN reviews!
-CLICK HERE for more #HAHN reviews!
