Evening Corrie fans, it’s Kelly here with your Friday night review.

Over at Speed Daal, Alya is nursing a big bruise from elbowing Griff in the face (which honestly, I could watch on repeat for about an hour). Yasmeen tells her she’s made things worse and her negativity is confirmed when Griff gets his thick as mince disciple Max to upload a video on ‘the socials’ with Griff claiming he was attacked by four Muslim lads.

Meanwhile at No. 1, it’s Hope the Devil Child’s birthday. She’s given a laptop which she barely even acknowledges as she’s far more interested in getting a tape player, which she convinces her gormless parents is for playing a mix tape that Sam has made her. After getting a tape player from Roy, (that revelation that Roy would still have one was about the most convincing thing about this episode), she rushes home to play the ‘Stape Tape’, which turns out to be just him doing a study group on Little Women. This must have been extremely disappointing for the mini psychopath. No doubt she was hoping for some detailed instructions on disembowelling, still you can’t have everything can you. 

The truth comes out when Chesney and Gemma stop stuffing their faces long enough to realise that Joseph might not be entirely happy. The poor little mite fesses that he has been terrified ever since Hope’s séance. Gemma marches around and does some screeching at Fiz and Tyrone, but as usual Hope gets off scot-free because of their terrible parenting. Tyrone is too preoccupied anyway with his ‘brilliant plan’ to secretly move his and Fiz’s wedding to Christmas Day. Honestly Ty have you never seen The Omen? You just can’t let Hope out on the birthday of our Lord. She’ll have sacrificed the registrar and opened a portal to hell before you’ve got past the canapes.  

And moving seamlessly from the Dark Lord to creepy Christians, Summer still hasn’t broken the news to Esther and Mike that she’s got no baby to hand over to them. This gets very complicated when firstly Amy finds out the truth and secondly the pair turn up uninvited and start assaulting her with a with a foetal doppler. They really do have issues with personal space don’t they. Being the wisest person on the Street, Amy points out how ridiculous the situation is and insists that Summer tell them she’s lost the baby.  Unfortunately, this is Summer so no doubt she’ll just sell a kidney instead.

In other news, as Wendy plans a nice evening for her and Ken with a Manchester Tart and a documentary on stately homes, she’s blissfully unaware that Ken is sniffing around Martha with his tongue hanging out about a foot. For God’s sake man reign it in, I’ve seen randy Alsatians with more subtlety.  

Also, Elaine agrees to keep quiet about lending Stephen the money to give to Sarah and right on cue she turns up asking when he’s going to cough up. Honestly, I know Stephen is a wrong ‘un and deserves everything he gets but his family have not stopped rinsing him for money since he arrived. Holidays, new businesses you name it. I won’t be at all surprised if Shona demands he pay for private school fees for Lily. The Platt/Roberts family are so avaricious they make Mrs Havisham’s relatives look positively charitable.

Finally, when Alya hears that Aadi has had racist insults shouted at him she realises that Griff’s video is to blame and marches around to tell Max the truth. He of course doesn’t believe her. Meanwhile over in the Poundshop Fuhrer bunker, Griff tells Spider that the video was only the start and he’s planning something big.

All I can say is thank God for that. Can you please just do the big thing so that this terrible storyline can end and Spider can go back to being a lovely hippy. 

And that’s it for this week. Catch me in the comments or on Twitter @mskelstar.