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The Bachelorette 13: Week 5, Pt. 1 Recap


Disclaimer: Everything down below are my personal opinions. I'm in no way affiliated with any corporation, especially The Bachelorette or ABC.

GROUP DATE/COCKTAIL PARTY
It's pretty safe to assume that it's cringe worthy for all of us having to watch Kenny and Lee go back and forth for a few reasons. Lee is a complete dick. He's playing cool out in the action, but in the confessionals he's even cooler just sitting there gloating about provoking Kenny and seeing "an angry man get angrier." It's also kind of hard to watch Kenny start confronting Lee, and instead of verbally annihilating him, he settles for calling him a bitch, snake or just laughing and hooting like a bird on his way to talk to him, more on the latter of those two things later. The episode wastes no time following the two out on the porch. Kenny is hurting me out there. He's in his confessionals patting himself on the back because he knows that Lee is trying to provoke him, and he thinks he's winning, but just because he was whispering and speaking softly does not mean that Lee was not getting under his skin and it was clear. It was clear in the simple fact that Kenny was even engaging in conversation with the obvious type of person who has no interest in seeing eye to eye with him. Bryan gets the date rose, after wooing Rachel and kissing her, and Kenny decides to congratulate him in front of the group by shading every last white redneck fuck out of Lee, which was actually hilarious. 

ONE ON ONE DATE 1 (Jack Stone)
Rachel went in deciding to give Jack the one on one date and ended it probably giving him a restraining order. Jack Stone sounded like the name of a 2009 Disney XD show. The date started off innocently enough, they went dancing but the real meat and potatoes of the date occurred when they sat down for dinner. Jack looked like he was having a great time while Rachel looked like she had 911 on speed dial for him. Everything was just wrong. The entire day it sort of felt like Rachel was babysitting him and awkwardly playing along when he would call her beautiful. It was extremely awkward because you could see how hard she was trying to see a future with him but the longer the night went on, the more she looked like she was watching a scary movie. Honestly, I couldn't blame her because his eyebrows were giving me Robbie Rotten from Lazy Town. Rachel obviously wasn't going to give him a rose, but much like home dude from camp (who also came off as more of a kid being babysat), she picked up the rose and didn't give it to him. I don't think any of us really blame her. He seemed like a nice dude, well, nice kid, but the chemistry just wasn't there and Rachel cut it off. 

While all of this was happening, Will explains to Lee that there's a long history of the stereotypical trope "aggressive" to describe black men in this racist ass country. In true racist ass form, Lee laughs it off and just chalks it up to Kenny playing the race card, which is hilarious to me because Will is the one confronting him about this, not Kenny. Either Lee can't tell black people apart, or he's just going out of his way to be an ignorant douche bag. Did you guess both? Because it's probably both. Lee refusing to acknowledge what he said as potentially problematic just proves how much he has to learn. Most of the guys have addressed that Lee's probably not from a background where he has to deal with being respectful to people who are different to him. My thing is that it's one thing to not understand but be willing to learn, it's a whole other thing to be willfully ignorant and smug and that's where Lee is losing me (and America, probably).

ROSE CEREMONY
Also, Iggy exited the competition and my reinvigorated interest in the competition just blossomed. Maybe if he focused on his relationship with Rachel instead of talking shit and running back telling everyone "ooh bitch, I just talked to Rachel about you" he wouldn't have failed so horribly. The tickle monster also left. I'm sure none of us were shocked Lee got a rose. You could practically hear the producers yelling "LEE. LEE, GIRL. IT'S ON YOUR CONTRACT, GIRL, PICK LEE."

ONE ON ONE DATE 2 (Bryan)
Rachel takes Bryan "on top of the world", basically, where they're going to "repel" down. I peed my pants at the thought of doing that. They started making out mid air, which kind of shocked me, because I'd be worried about not breaking my neck but more power to them. I haven't really thought much about Bryan but I do recall Rachel constantly being worried that he's too good to be true. There's no question that they have physical chemistry, but I feel like they have a very strong emotional chemistry as well. During the dinner he was making pure eye contact with her and seemed really invested in everything was saying. I think it wouldn't come as a surprise to say he's a clear front runner when he gets a rose. Usually when they're just saying "hi" and making out with each other it's a pretty clear indication that they're probably not meant to be (*cough* Josh and Amanda | Paradise 3) but Rachel and Bryan make out a lot AND have nice conversations. So cute for them.

During the date, at the house, Eric questions to Anthony whether or not Rachel really likes black guys (essentially) and my mouth it still on the ground. Not that I'm shocked he's brought it up but just at how messy that situation can turn super quickly. There's also a new date card with everyone's name on it, but Kenny and Lee. Shocker!

GROUP DATE (Adam, Dean, Anthony, Peter, Matt, Will, Alex, Eric, Josiah)
You know the season is really starting when you only don't recognize two of the names (Adam and Matt, lmao) Anyways, boring. Everyone does handball. Okay. The only thing that really happened was Peter picking up Rachel and Josiah being visibly jealous (after being annoying arrogant again the entire date). Then during the cocktail party, for some reason Peter and Rachel go off to hot tub and just randomly make out for three hours. Okay? It made me wonder A) How long are these cocktail parties? and B) Rachel, girl, why? I'm sorry, I know a lot of the fans live for Peter but ALL I keep replaying in my head is when he was rapping and said she was from the hood. In the grand scheme of things, Peter does seem like a nice guy but I really wanted Rachel to address that. It's just not the type of thing I think he should get used to saying around a black girl. But I got the last laugh when, after making out with Rachel in a hot tub during a group date, Peter didn't get the rose and it went to Will.

TWO-ON-ONE (Kenny and Lee)
What a shock, the two on one of the season goes to Kenny and Lee! First and foremost, if I was Kenny I would have not gotten my black ass in a helicopter that Lee was driving (or at least it looked like he was driving). Much like last season with Jojo, Chad and Alex, the three of them go into the woods. She and Kenny go off to talk and he doesn't waste any time to talk shit about Lee, claiming that he was lashing out at him because he felt the walls were closing in on him. When she swaps him out for Lee, Lee tells her some story about Kenny pulling him out of a van and tells her that Kenny called him a bitch. She swaps him back out for Kenny, telling him about the story she just got and Kenny...just...loses it. He slowly emmerges from the woods, chanting "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God." He then proceeds to hysterically laugh as he makes his way down the hill to Lee. Lee is just chilling having a drink when Kenny starts hooting like an owl and the episode fades to black. Good grief. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounded? With every fiber of my being I KNOW this show shouldn't be for me but that was some quality mess that I can't wait to see wrapped up on the next episode. My. God.

EPISODE GRADE: B
Stray notes/quotes:
-"That's very important. Not being a bitch ass dude." I swear to any God out there that if Kenny fixed his lips to call Lee a bitch ass nigga I would have personally donated money to ABC.
 -Kenny: "I wish Lee's dad would have instilled a little more manhood in him. But maybe he was just like "nah that's a bitch" I'll let him go out into the world and have someone else whip his ass."
-"I would like to lay my balls on your fucking chin because you're a bitch."
-Kenny: "Whisper whisper whisper."
- Producer: "What is 187?" Rachel: "MURDER." I am LIVING for this messy producer.
-I'm almost shocked at the horrible audio edit of Kenny yelling "DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!" to Lee.
-Thank you to ABC for the images!


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The Bachelorette 13: Week 5, Pt. 1 Recap

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