2023-03-21 13:29
Ghostface follows in the footsteps of Jason Voorhees and the Muppets by taking Manhattan. Which means Ghostface in Space cannot be far off.
“I’m breezy!”If Creed has pro… Read More
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Get your stinking screen off me you damn dirty goblin
2023-03-13 00:00
This year’s Goblin Awards ceremony is brought to you by Netflix, like everything that’s too shit for TV. Hot! Not shit. Definitely not shit.
Your hosts for the evening.The Pha… Read More
2023-03-12 14:33
Stinking rich boxing promoter Adonis Creed (Michael B. Jordan) swaps the bling for the ring when his childhood friend (Jonathan Majors) gets out of prison looking to beat the best, such is h… Read More
2023-03-05 15:58
A pop star goes Gaga when she makes like an Ice Cube and freezes her music career to grab her Cher of acting life and become the next Will Smith, only to feel the face-slapping Sting of cold… Read More
2023-03-04 14:34
Cate Blanchett plays accomplished yet manipulative conductor Lydia Tár, because naming her Ava would have been too ridiculous. They should have called it Miss Conduct.
Despite… Read More
2023-02-26 20:13
Neil Marshall (The Descent) marked his territory with this 2002 tail of soldiers lured into the woods by a pack of werewolves. Let’s call it The Dog-Scent.
Shaving Private RyanMaybe… Read More
2023-02-21 17:57
Surprisingly for a year when Avatar 2 is up for Best Picture, Don’t Worry Darling has been snubbed by the Academy, though it does share eerie similarities with Oscar nominee Women Talk… Read More
2023-02-19 20:36
A confession: I have never really “got” Howl’s Moving Castle, and my love of Studio Ghibli prevented me from reviewing it even after two watches (subbed and dubbed). Having… Read More
2023-02-07 12:48
M. Night Shyamalan ransacks a beloved property in his latest attempt to prove himself the worst director on the face of a dying earth.
Property Guardians of the GalaxyA quartet of doomsd… Read More
2023-02-05 13:59
One year on from the death of King T’Challa, Wakanda is awash with watery invaders trying to steal their vibranium or something.
Chadwick Boseman’s untimely death proves c… Read More
2023-02-04 13:16
One of my favourite novels gets a Christopher Landon-produced (Happy Death Day, Freaky) makeover in this Amazon Original. What could possibly go right?
My Best Friend’s Exorcism… Read More
2023-01-29 15:37
This Persian-language thriller is based on the real case of a serial killer who murdered 16 sex workers in Masshad circa 2001. Let’s call it Iranian Psycho.
Born in Iran befor… Read More
2023-01-16 07:13
An orphan is given a killer AI doll in M3GHAN, AKA Bride of Prince Chucky.
Heavily hyped as the new Chucky, M3GHAN is more meme than movie. Like last year’s Smile it delivered… Read More
2023-01-15 21:28
In this follow-up to 2009’s Avatar, when the humans come back to Pandora, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) takes his family on a three-plus hour retreat to the Metkayina clan of ocean-goin… Read More
2023-01-12 23:07
The concept of twin films is well documented, but 2022 offered triplet films in the form of three Pinocchio adaptations: Robert Zemeckis’ live-action Pinocchio, the Russian animation P… Read More
2022-12-28 18:57
A telekinetic child (Alva Brynsmo Ramstad) and her little sister (Rakel Lenora Fløttum) move house in this Scandinavian chiller they should have called Carrie and Alexander.
Child… Read More
2022-12-26 10:35
The world’s silliest-named detective is back! But enough about Enola Holmes 2.
Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) is off on a busman’s holiday in this nonsensical sequel to 2019… Read More
2022-12-25 10:09
Takashi Miike’s 2019 thriller sees a boxer (Masataka Kubota) rescue a call girl (Sakurako Konishi) from murderous gangsters. Let’s call it 13 Assassin’s Creed.
For… Read More
2022-12-23 16:35
Off-duty cop John McClane (Bruce Willis) tries to put on-the-take terrorist Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) under a vest in this oft-quoted Christmas classic.
Stripping The Towering… Read More
2022-12-21 17:59
Just as Wolfgang Petersen was threatening Europe with a 300-minute TV cut of Das Boot came the ultimate “hold my stein” move from Ingmar Bergman, whose Fanny and Alexander minise… Read More
2022-12-13 20:53
Six friends (Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza, MyAnna Buring, Saskia Mulder, Alex Reid and Nora-Jane Noone) find themselves at the end of their tether when a spelunking holiday takes a… Read More
2022-12-08 19:04
Violent Night sees Santa Claus (David Harbour) battle a team of burglars who break into the mansion of a wealthy family, as they fight over their mother’s (Beverly D’Angelo) fort… Read More
2022-12-05 23:07
A homicide detective (Park Hae-il) falls for a victim’s widow (Tang Wei) in this unprocedural thriller.
For his 11th feature, Park Chan-wook makes the bold decision to leave beh… Read More
2022-11-30 23:54
New horror movie Barbarian sees Tess (Georgina Campbell) arrive at an Airbnb only to find it already occupied, having failed to look it up on Trapadvisor.
Zach Cregger’s debut… Read More
2022-11-26 21:22
A group of wealthy diners head to an exclusive restaurant on a remote island and soon find themselves in the same boat as the viewers: misled by critics.
It won’t spoil anyone… Read More
2022-11-06 16:18
The Great Exorcism Swindle is alive and well thanks to director Daniel Stamm, whose erroneously titled The Last Exorcism was immediately followed by the Damien Chazelle-penned The Last Exorc… Read More
2022-11-03 10:30
An arms dealer, a communist and an influencer walk onto a yacht, is the joke setup of Ruben Östlund‘s Palme d’Or-winning Triangle of Sadness.
The film itself is a lot… Read More
2022-10-31 14:49
Wong Kar-wai’s fifth feature reunites the Hong Kong filmmaker with cinematographer Christopher Doyle, for another dose of slo-mo fast living.
This is two stories in one: the fir… Read More
2022-10-24 15:01
A psychotic gangster and restaurant owner’s (Michael Gambon) nightly gorges leave his long-suffering wife (Helen Mirren) well and truly fed up.
Set in a gourmet restaurant over… Read More
2022-10-22 16:09
Martin McDonagh, Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson are reunited on a craggy island during the Irish Civil War. Still, at least they’re not in fucking Bruges.
A similarly purgat… Read More
2022-10-16 14:02
Michael Myers transfers his evil powers to a babysitter (Rohan Campbell) who accidentally killed a child in Halloween Ends, AKA Jamie Lee Curtains.
“Stop or I’ll shoot more H… Read More
2022-10-14 17:42
A sex worker sits shiva in 2020 comedy Shiva Baby, or to use its gentile title, Newborn at the Jew Mourn.
Largely set in one location over 75 minutes in close to real-time, Shiva Baby… Read More
2022-10-13 16:04
Alice (Florence Pugh) is living every woman’s fantasy of being married to Harry Styles in a 1950s idyll, but like Meghan Markle before her, soon finds that marrying Harry comes with a… Read More
2022-09-28 23:34
Kevin Bacon’s daughter Smoky (Sosie but close enough) plays a psychiatrist who witnessed her own mother’s suicide. With a bad horror history running through the family, Bacon fit… Read More
2022-09-25 17:58
When a pageant mom (Sophia Heikkilä) breaks a bird’s neck, what’s inside the egg it leaves behind comes as a surprise to her kinder.
A frightening fable from Finl… Read More
2022-09-18 20:57
The past eight years mark the longest ever gap between David Cronenberg films, the delicious irony being that is partially due to a global pandemic.
Loosely based on Cronenberg’s 1… Read More
2022-09-16 18:23
Universal has re-released Jaws (the film, not the shark) at the IMAX, marking the first time there has been a great shark movie in cinemas since 1975.
“You’re gonna need a big… Read More
2022-09-15 15:19
Looking at the news this past week, you would think the Queen was the only London institution that took up residence in 1952 to entertain tourists with its ritual, scandal and child abuse. B… Read More
2022-09-09 23:58
Search Party meets Murder Party in A24’s new dark comedy about a group of friends searching for a murderer at a party.
“Friends” in this case is a bit of a stretch giv… Read More
2022-08-31 00:26
After being found adrift in the desert, Travis Henderson (Harry Dean Stanton) is reunited with the son (Hunter Carson) he abandoned four years earlier.
Almost 40 years since its Palme d&r&hell…Read More
2022-08-28 22:32
From one Candy Land to another, this Christmas-set slasher follows a group of truck stop sex workers (Eden Brolin, Owen Campbell, Sam Quartin and Virginia Rand) whose lives are rear-ended by… Read More
2022-08-27 01:02
For their gang initiation, 4 teenagers (Teon Kelley, Belle Guillory, A-F-R-O and Kelsey Caesar) are sent to rob a house only to find it inhabited by Bitch Ass (Tunde Laleye), a masked board… Read More
2022-08-19 14:44
After a spidery sabbatical, Sam Raimi returns to the horror genre in 2009 to do for bank branches what The Evil Dead did for tree branches.
Drag Me to Hell has an ingeniously simple premi… Read More
2022-08-17 18:33
A Hollywood horse wrangler (Daniel Kaluuya) and his showbiz sister (Keke Palmer) encounter a UFO above their ranch in Nope, or Nay if you’re a horse.
Ket Out.Turning his back on th… Read More
2022-08-08 21:39
Tomb Raider and Expendables 2 director Simon West indulges his love of women running in tank tops and dredging up relics in this 2006 remake.
“What are you wearing? No seriously, wh… Read More
2022-08-01 11:25
A babysitter (Carol Kane) is stalked by a child-killer (Tony Beckley) in Fred Walton’s 1979 thriller adapted from his short film The Sitter, itself based on an urban legend about a bab… Read More
2022-07-09 18:03
A god killer (Christian Bale) steals the children of New Asgard in Thor: Beyond Love and Thunderdome.
As would happen to anyone stuck for three years on a spaceship with Chris Pratt, Tho… Read More
2022-07-07 08:13
A widow (Jessie Buckley) heads for a recuperative holiday in the English countryside, and soon finds that being a woman isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Rambling in the M… Read More
2022-07-06 19:19
Maverick (Tom Cruise) is back in the movie that should have been called Top Gun: Cruise Control, if Speed 2 hadn’t beaten him to it on an ocean liner.
Tom’s Thumb: MaverickThi… Read More
2022-07-03 09:30
Evelyn (Michelle Yeoh) lives a life of laundry and taxes with her meek husband (Ke Huy Quan) and rebellious daughter (Stephanie Hsu). But when she’s suddenly yanked from her dreary exi… Read More
2022-06-30 16:38
New horror movie The Black Phone reunites Sinister‘s Ethan Hawke with director Scott Derrickson, Halloween Kills‘ Troy Rudeseal with producer Jason Blum, and Lost‘s Jeremy… Read More
2022-06-26 08:23
Three years after our heroes released a horde of rampaging dinosaurs, the prehistoric pests have ballooned into a problem only King Kong could solve. They’ve come back 65million years… Read More
2022-06-19 14:40
Grace Jones goes from Nightclubbing to mine flooding in Roger Moore’s final Bond film, the story of a Silicon Valley industrialist (Christopher Walken) in bed with the Russians. Some t… Read More
2022-06-06 08:06
It hardly seems worth recapping the story of the world’s second-most famous glitter-based paedophile (Robert Pattinson). What is surprising is how little happens in the course of this… Read More
2022-05-20 17:25
The original Rodgers and Hammerstein musical is revamped at the Young Vic in all its bucking glory. But this is no corny production or cowboy operation; Daniel Fish and Jordan Fein… Read More
2022-05-12 18:59
In 2007 artist Ai WeiWei took 1,001 Chinese people to the small German town of Kessel as part of a bewildering art installation. This is the story of how he did it.
As a record of an a… Read More
2022-05-07 11:24
Decades after helping to kickstart the modern superhero genre (and I’m not talking about Darkman), Sam Raimi returns to Marvel to juggle scripture, magic and a whole lot of people call… Read More
2022-05-05 17:28
When the Northboy’s (Oscar Novak) uncle (Claes Bang) kills his father (Ethan Hawke) and abducts his mother (Nicole Kidman), he goes on to live a peaceful wandering life where he devote… Read More
2022-05-04 16:46
In the futuristic year 2019, Tokyo has been destroyed and a new metropolis built on artificial islands now rife with violence, protest and gang warfare. During a skirmish the young biker Tet… Read More
2022-04-27 17:58
Nondescript white man David (Hayden Christensen) discovers he has the power to teleport at will, but he knits off more than he can chew when he’s hunted down by a generic villain with… Read More
2022-04-15 11:54
A website asked me to review the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album then told me it was too harsh, which I’m not sure is possible. So I’m putting it here instead.
The best that… Read More
2022-04-12 16:26
Having referenced Theatre of Blood yesterday as an example of homicidal gimmickry, lend me your ears as we revive this comedy of terrors.
Shakespearean actor Edward Lionheart (Vincent Pr… Read More
2022-04-11 12:36
It is rare to see a film where Gwyneth Paltrow is the least problematic cast member, but next to Kevin Spacey and Morgan Freeman, 1995 thriller SE7EN (pronounced as 2 syllables as opposed to… Read More
2022-04-03 12:17
Kenneth Branagh writes, directs and produces this Oscar-losing drama about a boy named Buddy (Jude Hill) navigating a fraught home and warring community in Belfast, 1969. Let’s call it… Read More
2022-03-31 14:07
Until today I didn’t have a Crusoe what happened in Cast Away, the story of a loyal FedEx employee who is neither delivered nor returned to sender when his plane crash lands in the Pac… Read More
2022-03-29 08:00
Loosely based on the case of an extortionist murderer who lured his victims via lonely hearts ads, The Night of the Hunter follows a predatory preacher (Robert Mitchum) infiltrating a father… Read More
2022-03-28 21:39
Please put your hands and faces together for the Goblin Awards, the more in-touch and less violent antidote to the Oscars.
“That’s for Spiral: From the Book of Saw!”The… Read More
2022-03-26 11:48
Since we’re covering the classics it is about time I reviewed one of my all-time favourites, the movie I reference more than any other; the film that did for sleep as Jaws did for the… Read More
2022-03-25 13:39
As I reference the seminal cannibal flick in every other post it is probably time I reviewed it. This is usually where I would retitle a film some variation on The Texas Chain Saw Massacre s… Read More
2022-03-23 23:41
Another farm-based horror moovie from A24 (Lamb, The Witch), X follows a film crew (Jenna Ortega, Kid Cudi, Martin Henderson, Brittany Snow, Owen Campbell and Mia Goth) to Texas to shoot the… Read More
2022-03-22 12:25
Continuing our accidental series of devil movies (and avoiding such titles as Devil’s Breath and The Devil’s Candy), The Devil Wears Prada follows a fresh-faced journalist (Anne… Read More
2022-03-21 15:35
Even in the wild filmography of Australian director George Miller (helmsman of the Mad Max, Babe and Happy Feet franchises), his 1987 comedy The Witches of Eastwick is something of an outlie… Read More
2022-03-07 12:58
Yoshifumi Kondō’s only directorial effort before his tragic death in 1998, Whisper of the Heart follows 14-year-old Shizuku (Yōko Honna) whose studies are stymied by trips to… Read More
2022-03-04 13:12
Michael Myers is back despite being beheaded in Halloween H20, after it turns out Laurie Strode accidentally decapitated a different guy in a Michael Myers mask. He is a master of disguise t… Read More
2022-03-01 18:57
This aborted sequel to Tobe Hooper’s Toolbox Murders was shut down when it turned out the producers never actually had the rights to the property. It was completed as a separate entity… Read More
2022-02-27 16:38
A Japanese brother and sister (Tsutomu Tatsumi and Ayano Shiraishi) struggle to survive the end of World War II in Studio Ghibli’s only 12A-rated feature.
Isao Takahata’s… Read More
2022-02-26 16:40
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind is a pre-Ghibli Hayao Miyazaki movie set in a post-apocalyptic kingdom bordering a toxic jungle.
Though watching the dubbed version is less than id… Read More
2022-02-25 12:55
A stinking rich young woman, Linda (Joan Fontaine) falls for the charming-but-cheap Johnnie (Cary Grant) after they encounter each other on a train. But will someone become suspicious of som… Read More
2022-02-14 09:00
Bradley Cooper stars in this remake about a carnival drifter turned psychic grifter who cons the wealthy elite into a baffling Best Picture nomination.
Muriel’s Decking.Watching a… Read More
2022-02-03 22:37
People who know Romola Garai from her appearances in period dramas such as Atonement and The Hour (and fundamentally misunderstand the concept of acting) will be shocked by her directorial d… Read More
2022-02-02 15:27
Noomi had a little lamb in this Icelandic folk horror tale of a farming couple (Noomi Rapace and Hilmir Snær Guðnason) raising a sheep as their own.
That’s why mums go to… Read More
2022-01-14 21:42
It has been 25 years since Wes Craven cut through the slasher landfill with the ring of a landline. A decade on from Scre4m, Ghostface is back to terrorise a new generation of horror-savvy t… Read More
2022-01-10 13:28
This week saw the passing of Peter Bogdanovich, whose 1971 masterpiece The Last Picture Show is one of many reference points in Paul Thomas Anderson‘s Licorice Pizza. Just to explain… Read More
2022-01-02 09:07
Immediately after the events of Spider-Man: Far From Home, and some time after the events of Spider-Man 3 and The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Spidey’s (Tom Holland) secret identity is leaked… Read More
2021-12-31 09:41
Twenty-to-sixty years after Neo and Trinity (Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss) saved the human race from cyber-imprisonment, the Matrix is still everywhere, the human race is still enslaved… Read More
2021-12-26 23:43
After absentee patriarch Royal Tenenbaum (Gene Hackman) announces he has just six weeks to live, his dysfunctional family of former child prodigies and washed-up overachievers reconnects aga… Read More
2021-12-24 21:21
Just when we had abandoned all hope of getting a decent slasher flick this year, our last-minute saviour comes along in the most unexpected of places: a South African-produced SyFy Channel r… Read More
2021-12-21 09:31
Ben Affleck’s first attempt at his as yet unrealised goal of helming a franchise, Daredevil sees the eponymous hero blinded in a freak skateboarding accident.
“And you’… Read More
2021-12-20 14:54
Bill Shatner blasts off in this documentary about his most recent trip to space.
Star Trek Generations (1994)Unsurprisingly this Amazon Studios production lionises Jeff Bezos for what we… Read More
2021-12-13 13:42
The Slumber Party Massacre is one of those horror movies whose title is also its synopsis, alongside Night of the Bloody Apes and Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.
On the Sly.The 1982 film c… Read More
2021-12-12 18:50
In Clive Barker’s Nightbreed, Boone (Craig Sheffer) dreams of and ultimately discovers the lost city of Midian, where monsters dwell beneath a graveyard.
The film’s editorial… Read More
2021-12-07 23:28
Bill Condon goes from Chicago to Detroit in this Oscar-winning musical about a Motown-type girl group (Jennifer Hudson, Anika Noni Rose and Beyoncé).
Few genres are as homogen… Read More
2021-12-06 17:37
Seattle’s smartest seasonal drag queens are back on the road with their festive extravaganza, relegated to the studio last year due to the apocalypse.
Now into the North American le… Read More
2021-12-05 13:15
Unless you haven’t been living under a rock these last two years, you will have spent at least some of that time lamenting the absence of a new Resident Evil movie. “It’s b… Read More
2021-11-28 22:42
In a departure from his usual sleazebag roles, Michael Douglas plays a scumbag in Joel Schumacher’s hit comedy about racist violence and cot death.
As with many 80s/90s films, a ma… Read More
2021-11-21 22:57
Say what you like about the Ben Affleck movie Daredevil (not out loud, obviously) – it did well enough to get a spin-off centred around the hero’s love interest (Jennifer Garner)… Read More
2021-11-14 12:55
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason was still in cinemas when Christopher Smith debuted a much more realistic film about London, cocaine and imprisonment.
Run Begonia RunIn a premise worthy… Read More
2021-11-13 10:27
At the French outpost of a small Kansas newspaper, its menagerie of writers recount their most notable stories before the printers stop rolling for good.
As with most anthology films… Read More
2021-11-11 17:48
Now playing at London’s Ambassadors Theatre, The Shark is Broken finds the cast of Jaws (Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss) stuck on a boat while the notoriously defective… Read More
2021-11-10 18:03
Lately it seems as though musical producers are working their way through the alphabet for films to ruin, starting with Amélie and Back to the Future before moving on to Cronenberg&rs&hell…Read More
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