Just when you thought 90 Day Fiance couldn’t get any more cringe-worthy, the gang has once again outdone themselves in this week’s episode…
Elizabeth & Andrei:
In Tampa, Elizabeth is so excited to begin her jail time, I mean life, with Andrei (you better be rolling that R heavily). As long as Elizabeth doesn’t mind 24/7 lockdown, I see no real issues with this relationship blossoming. At the airport, Elizabeth seemed to have forgotten her “Welcome to America” sign. Not even a balloon. The guy came from MOLDOVA- this is NOT the type of welcome reception I am sure he’s expecting… Once every single person exits the plane and what seems like 4 hours later, Andrei strolls right on into Elizabeth’s open arms. I would say that he looks disappointed in the lack of welcome signage, but I think that’s just his face. Andrei states that he plans to just “go with the flow” upon his arrival to the U S of A, yet criticizes Elizabeth’s driving because she is a woman, not because she seems to be turning those corners pretty sharply in the parking garage. Elizabeth confesses to the camera that she is “dreading” him meeting her father and brother, but that doesn’t stop her from bringing her Moldovian hunk back to their (empty) apartment. All I have to say is, move over Chip and Joanna. Make room for these two- the new home decorating duo!! And don’t worry- Elizabeth’s dad bought them a bed frame for their housewarming gift. The guy doesn’t even like Andrei, but he’s making sure they are nice and cozy in the same bed. Go figure.
Elizabeth just feels SO relieved to have Andrei here- her ball and chain, literally- but is super uncomfortable bringing Andrei to meet her dad and brother. The battle music playing in the background certainly sets the mood. Andrei addresses Elizabeth’s father as “Mr. Charles,” which I think is amazing. The crew settles in and the fun begins- grab the popcorn! “So, Moldova”- great convo starter, brother. Oh. My. Goodness. Elizabeth sits quietly and chugs her beer, because it is just so awkward as her dad grills Andrei about bills, money, and Elizabeth’s part-time job. Um, dad? Doesn’t your daughter work for YOU? How bout we make this part-time job a FULL-time job? Baffling. The bombshell is when Elizabeth announces that she will “gladly” live in Moldova and that she “loves it there.” Mic. Drop. “Mr. Charles” is very concerned about seeing his non-existent grandkids and shares his fear and concern with this relationship. How terrible of him! Not… He is being a dad and looking out for his daughter, but the “sink or swim” concept may not be the right approach, “Mr. Charles.”
David & Annie:
Saying goodbye is never easy, and it is certainly not easy for Annie to say goodbye to her family in Thailand. Annie has decided to stick it out with David, because #America. I can’t tell if Annie is crying because she is leaving her mom or because she is realizing that she is actually stuck marrying this shmuck, David. I think if you look really closely, she is pleading with her eyes to the camera to save her. Annie’s mom is worried for her daughter, like any good mom, but quickly shakes off any trepidation cuz she remembers her brand new water buffalo and water buffalo are awesome. The couple says goodbye to Annie’s village and sets off on their American adventure.
David and Annie arrive in LA after the long and “arduous” road of spending your best friend’s money. Thanks, Chris!! Of course Creepy friend Chris has a welcome to America greeting for Annie at the airport (take notes Elizabeth…) and David reveals that he hasn’t lived in America for over 4 years. Way to pick him, Annie!! David also lets the camera in on his thoughts on arriving on US soil: “welcome to the game!” This is one game I do not want to play. Upon the arrival to Creepy friend Chris’ house, there is a lovely little surprise party for David and Annie where the 5 guests take turns asking Annie 21 questions (heyo 50 Cent!) and adding to the overall discomfort of the evening. When asked about having kids, David retorts that he tries “every night” (GAG). Chris’ wife Nikki is appalled by the entire situation unraveling at her house and stands, arms folded as David discusses his secret engagement like an item to be returned. He states how he will “try it out” and if it doesn’t work we can return her…oh wait…. He clearly did not think this whole situation through by not telling his family and children. Can’t wait for the cameras to capture that Kodak moment.
Molly & Luis:
So, how is Luis gonna make every viewer super uncomfortable this time? It doesn’t take very long. Molly is less than pleased about Luis talking to Olivia about the “f” word, but goes ahead and packs up the crew and cruises over to the park. Molly has to make some phone calls whilst sitting on a bench in her 1980’s exercise wear, so therefore, step-daddy day care has to begin. Luis is having a legitimate argument with young Kensley as he pushes her in the swing, but it’s not until he puts her down on the ground do we realize who wins. Kensley and her American flag top speak volumes. I think we all know who the true winner here is… In the mean time, Luis is concerned with his step-dad duties and is saying that this is all so “rapido.” Ya know, not when he was flying from the DR or down on one knee proposing.
Molly is set on fixing the relationship with her older daughter, Olivia. She wants to have girl time/I’m sorry my new boyfriend is a total creep so let me buy you things time. Luis is called Molly’s “new obsession” (ouch) and Molly just explains that “love is universal” and that she is “unique.” I’ll say. They have a touching moment as they get their toe nails trimmed and Olivia realizes just how happy her mom really is with Luis. They bonded over this, but Olivia warns to not have any “PLAN-TINS” (aka plantains) at the wedding, because she won’t come.
Although Molly is still slightly sore at Luis, she wants to continue to push forward with this relationship. Molly, Olivia, and Molly’s mom roll up to a bridal salon in style in a yellow Colorado pick up truck. Molly is pumped up to find a dress that showcases her crazy style.
Dress One: Oh no. Oh boy. I don’t think changing out of the black panties and bra can save this dress. In the words of Olivia, “fugly.”
Dress Two: SOMEHOW, Molly gets thumbs up from her entourage. The lace is certainly beautiful, but holy boobs! Looks like Molly is gonna say yes to this dress!
While the ladies wedding gown shop, Molly’s brother Jess and Luis hit up the batting cages. These two are besties and I love it. I think they have best friend anklets on, but I’m not sure. I was terribly disappointed in Luis’ athletic ability, or lack thereof. But I was pleased to see how they got along. Luis shares his feelings about Molly’s kids with Uncle Jess (not to be confused with Uncle JessE from Full House) and contemplates moving back to the DR. WOWZA. Jess tries to explain to Luis that Molly can’t just up and move to the Dominican Republic. This bombshell statement can change EVERYTHING.
Evelyn & David:
Say it with me: Shut up, Evelyn… The future Mr. and Mrs. are out apartment hunting. David is still not 100% comfortable with his role in this relationship- ya know, the “sit there, don’t say anything, and let me pick out everything” role. Poor guy. I would say love is blind, but I haven’t seen one iota of love between David and Evelyn. Evelyn is so bad that even Lisa, the realtor, doesn’t want to be in the same apartment with her- she leaves a key so they can walk around the $1,200 a month apartment. Evelyn swoons over the “vintage” kitchen (OMG)- must be the rose patterned wall paper… David expresses some concern about the price and the overall look of the place, but he doesn’t stand a chance with Ev. She’s busy making executive decisions about where the REAL Christmas tree will go in this gnarly apartment. David, realizing that he should just remove his voice box cuz what difference does it make, is less than pleased about the proximity to the Partridge family, I mean Evelyn’s family. The man does have a point. I see nothing endearing about Claremont, either. Deal with it, Evelyn.
Later on, Evelyn is PUMPED to rock out in the recording studio. David feels so “blessed” to hear her music. I forget that Evelyn is 18…oh wait. No. I don’t. She is impossible to work with and is very selfish. Evelyn just feels like the couple should end up “wherever God calls us.” Claremont- here they come! David looks as awkward as I feel watching Evelyn howl out some new hot hits. Producer Mike stirs up the pot further by questioning a potential move to Virginia and the fighting between the love birds snowballs further. These two and their public fighting…
Nicole & Azan:
Day 22 in Morocco begins with Azan dragging Nicole to a gym. And I really mean dragging. Anyone catch him guiding her on the arm in a “don’t you dare try to run, girl” way? Azan tries to spin this as “I want you to get healthy, Nicole,” but any moron can see through that- even Nicole. They begin by playing a bad game of Simon Says and Nicole nearly gives herself a black eye due to her lack of proper support. Someone get this girl a sports bra! Nicole tries to say this working out business is “for herself” (insert eye roll here), but her face says otherwise. Nicole deserves a lot of credit for forcibly working out, and about halfway through the grueling regime she decides that she shouldn’t have to change for a man. Amen, sister. Nicole withstands the squats and the burning and looks like she is about to burn Azan when he pats her on the back and says “good girl.” Absolute torture. And so inappropriate. This whole situation only gets worse when the charmer Azan states that he likes Nicole “only about 55%” now. Listen Azan, you’re no Channing Tatum. How bout some real talk here? You think you’re gonna find another American woman to pay for you? Probably yes, but….still.
As hard as you try, Azan, Nicole is not interested in your idea of a healthy lifestyle and she realizes that a hike IS exercise, so don’t try and sugarcoat it. As Nicole huffs and puffs to the peak of Morocco, Azan carries May for added resistance. Getting swoll. The hike ends with discussion of broken promises and broken hearts. While Nicole thought that her and Azan would have a relaxing evening sorting out feelings and watching movies, Azan lays it on her that he is going out with his buddies. Nicole shares how lonely she is in Morocco, especially because Azan goes out to see his friends often. Azan escapes from Nicole to meet with a friend where he chats about how hard it is to have May around and how mad he is cuz he can’t go to the gym. I’m sorry, Azan-didn’t realize you were like the Rock. I’m smelling what you’re cooking and I don’t like it. I feel like Azan is kicking his friend under the table so he agrees in front of the camera as he explains why he can’t kiss Nicole in public. So terrible. In the end, Azan and Nicole are very much NOT on the same page.
Josh & Aika:
After the failed modeling stint, Josh realizes that he better just drive Aika around town so as to show off his hot new arm candy. They wind up in a jewelry store where Aika searches for the classic elegance of a heart-shaped engagement ring. I totally understand her wanting to get rid of the sloppy-seconds ring Josh gave her. It’s his ex-wife’s and although I love a good family heirloom, that is just no bueno. Aika naturally pushes Josh’s budget and makes him super uncomfortable in front of the salesman. This leaves Josh no choice but to go with it. I say we put Aika and Evelyn into a ring and see who comes out as the winner. Boss ladies!
Later on at the restaurant, it appears as though Josh planned to sit at the perfect table, right in the middle of the restaurant, to you know, show off his lady. The wind gets knocked from his sails when Aika says sometimes she wants to go home. It’s either get the heart-shaped ring, or she is getting out. Aika claims she is “not materialistic,” but I am questioning that. She is alllllllll over the place- heart-ring, babies, give her all the things! Aika describes Josh as “lacking in action,” and I see that, too, GF. It’s time he steps up and at least gets a place of his own! Can’t bring a baby home to the frat house!
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