Go to Oxford st
Some might say that this is a great piece of advice to be followed all year round but even those who enjoy Europe’s busiest shopping street, find the weeks leading up to Christmas just plain hell! It’s like Black Friday every day here with thousands of angry shoppers stampeding from Primark to H&M looking for the best deal on a 3 pack of pants for Uncle David. One word……. Amazon.
Become an umbrella wielding psychopath
That old umbrella from last winter with the metal spike poking through is cool to use again right? WRONG, if it blows inside out when the person behind you sneezes then you need a new umbrella! It’s dangerous and just plain rude. Don’t be the bringer of death and destruction this christmas, buy a new one today.
Go to Winter Wonderland
Quite simply, don’t go to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, unless you’ve never been before. There are far better places to pay £10 for a beer and don’t even think about ice skating here when you could go to Somerset House, it’s just wrong.
Step on a loose paving stone
When it rains you should be watching like a hawk for these sneaky little bastards, lying in wait for their next unsuspecting victim, hatching evil plans whilst remaining perfectly camouflaged in their natural surroundings. The loose paving stone is London’s secret assassin, squirting ice cold water up your trousers, soaking your socks and generally pissing off Londoners on a daily basis. Avoid them at all costs this Christmas.
Make a fool of yourself at the work Christmas party
What’s that? It’s perfectly fine to have a cheeky snog with a co-worker in a quiet hidden corner of the Work Christmas party, no one will know you say………WRONG you’ve been drinking for 6 solid hours and what you thought was a quiet, hidden away place is actually the middle of the dance floor, your whole workplace has seen you getting it on with “insert name here” from marketing who turns out to be married and everything is now posted to facebook for the world to see. Best be updating your LinkedIn profile.
Walk slowly past a puddle on the side of the road
You might be thinking that there are no cars or busses coming whilst casually strolling past the large pool of water on the side of the road, but you’re wrong again. There’s always a bus waiting for you to lower your guard. You might be thinking “I’ll just have a quick look at my phone to check if Adele’s new album is available on Spotify yet” and WHOOSH, SPLASH – you’ve been covered in a shower of wet, brown mess and your favourite Christmas Jumper is now hanging below your knees. Sprint past these puddles like you’re Usain Bolt and you’ll stay dry this Christmas.
Have a Christmas tree disaster
Sure that will fit in our flat, won’t it? NO, it won’t. Buy the smaller tree, the excitement of Christmas has somehow impaired your ability to remember how high your ceiling is. This is not the only error you can make when buying the tree, remember you have to get it home, I will only say this once – DO NOT take a Christmas tree on the tube. Another handy tip is not to place the tree near a radiator, and then go interailing around Eastern Europe, those little needles will be turning up in your living room for years to come.
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