Day two in Barcelona was getting lost day. By no intentions I wandered to the beach and looking at the map for the next nearest attraction I spotted on the map the f*cking Casino of Barcelona. “Oh Shit” I cursed and I knew there was no avoiding it. I was almost out of cash as well at that time with only 25 Euro left so I thought why not have a look. 2 euro texas holdem, 2 euro black jack …. I was really f*ck this time fore there was no avoiding it. I still had four days in Barcelona. Lost 20 euro on that first hours and I had no money left and luckily there was no atm close by or rather atm that does not charge me a hefty commission.
|The Fish Casino - Barcelona|
I got out later that evening and wandered around the city walking zig zagging everywhere and somehow manage to make a loop and I was close by to the casino again. This is crazy! I did not even intent to go there today and was planning to take it slow but since I am so near the bloody place and already had a restock of money form the atm machine a few hours ago I figured why not. 4 hours later from 5pm to 9pm I walked out of the casino a total of 170 poorer for that day.Why do I even bother really. 3rd day in Barcelona and the day I am writing this shit …. On my way far far away to the furthest mountain in the city Tibidabo with a stunning view and I am determined to avoid that casino but have a feeling when night falls and I finally got bored I will be there gambling on 2 euro poker.
So I am going to write this down … the limit of loss shall be the money I carry now without withdrawing further from the atm …. ( about 150 euro ) and if I ever hit the winning limit of 500 euro I shall stand down and will also commit to not gamble at Monte Carlo the most famous casino in Monaco. A pledge to myself if my devil guardian will accept the wager.Fouth day in Barcelona I went walking to the castle top made my way around the winding street, tried to be distracted nicely everwhere and in every little thing I could find but I guess the devil in me won in the end as I find my way zipping across town towards the casino. Even getting off the wrong metro stop did not turn me back from my crusade.
I lost a total of 250 euro in Barcelona. Not something I am proud off really. I feel the control on self for gambling or even any other thing seem to be slipping by slowly and slowly. The justification and reasoning that was my logic for doing something sinful now just seems like an excuse. What happen to the confident guy that could walk into the casino knowing he would be the winner in the end. The gamblers pitfall is when he starts to believe in luck and that he is curse ….. just one big win he will keep telling himself. I guess I am a bit better to realized what is happening but somehow I still can’t stop myself when I need to. I use to be able to do that. Control. I guess I still have it but it’s weakening, I can feel it.