Frank: “Hello everybody, just a few questions today – as you might guess I’m not so in the mood.”
Young Irreverent Reporter: “Mr. de Boer, four games… that’s a short leash for anyone, and certainly for a man with your experience and track record. Were you harshly done by?”
Frank: “Yes well if we are being honest with ourselves I did not see it coming and I imagine you did not either. My intention was to bring beautiful football to Crystal Palace, and after years of football geared towards maintaining mid-table status that was never going to be a quick fix.”
Old Crotchety Reporter: “Frank, your assessment sits quite nicely with our view of the matter, is it possible that the management at Crystal Palace are too stupid to understand the genius of the system you were implementing?”
Frank: “Wow you guys are coming with hard hitting questions today. I don’t have anything bad to say about Crystal Palace. I am disappointed that this project did not work out, but I do not wish to say mean spirited things about my former employers. That said, when we are dealing with a club that has not employed a manager for longer than a year and a half since 2010, the blame cannot lie solely on my shoulders.”
Trusted Insider: “Frank, can you compare this experience to your experience at Inter?”
Frank: “The similarities are obvious. For both clubs the issue was patience. My style of football is one that requires full immersion. One month, three months, that is not long enough for a group of footballers to understand the brilliance of my schemes.
And still, at both clubs, we saw the potential for what could have been. We played beautifully against Ipswich Town earlier this month and I felt the same way after we beat Juve at Inter. All in all, it’s sad to see such short sighted management is prevalent across Europe.”
(This answer is received with head nods are murmuring agreement.)
Confused Intern: “Mr. de Boer, why does your microphone look like a hairbrush?”
Frank: “How the –“
Angry Wife: “FRANK!!! Stop hogging the bathroom for your stupid fake presser! Unlike you, I have work to go to today!”
Frank (sheepishly): “It seems that is all the time we have for questions today… I hope everyone will join me tomorrow, same place same time, and we can continue this lovely conversation.”
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