I COULDN'T RESIST HIS DULCET TONES AND THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE MY VIEWING EXPERIENCE.
1. Holy moly, look at the taut, youthful Chris Fowler coming into your living rooms and pitching you on the virtues of pay-per-view college football. If someone tried to pitch me with this today I'd probably look at them like they were speaking in tongues, but you know, I'm going to hear Fowler out.
2. The march of Technological Progress has made this video feel like it was made in the 50s rather than the 90s. Today, there are so many ways to get football games to fans, it's almost impossible to find games that aren't either on TV or online. True degenerates can easily chase the dragon and tune in for Hawaii games on a terrible stream in the middle of the dark night. SOON, ROBERT!
TIME AGAIN FOR @RKekaula pic.twitter.com/skA9HdcwrB— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) November 15, 2015
But it wasn't so long ago that people could reasonably turn to PPV as a viable option to watch games. You could call a 900 number for THE MOST DEPENDABLE, IRONCLAD PICKS AGAINST THE SPREAD too. The march of technological progress is swift, unrelenting, and also brought us this vile internet, but sometimes it's good.
3. It's not like you even had much of a selection on PPV. All this meant was you could get one of three other games from other regions of the country instead of the main ABC game in your area. You couldn't just order, like, Colorado State vs. Air Force, if that was what your heart desired. So really, this is garbage.
4. At this point, I would be more interested in a service where I could pay my cable provider to block a certain team's games from appearing on my television.
Are you a Florida alum that doesn't need to watch the Gators completely ass up your Saturday? For a reasonable fee, you can have every possible way to watch the game blocked from view!
5. My conception of how PPV worked in the 90s is basically one of those old-timey switchboard operators that furiously moves plugs around to connect people, so it's pretty easy to envision a scenario where you ordered, say, Auburn vs. Georgia, and you somehow ended up with the Mike Tyson vs. Peter "Hurricane" McNeeley fight. Annoying? Sure. But it's over in less than two minutes, and you really didn't need to write letters to your congressman, the governor, and Yella Fella about it.