SPOILER: IT’S ALWAYS BEEN DEAD, AND THEREFORE CANNOT DIE
Happy Memphis—Houston Day! The Brisket-Pulled Pork Rivalry continues, or begins.
We’re unsure about the continuation or beginning because we just made that up. It feels so right, though: if two cities were ever just compatible enough to make a weird but lasting friendship, it’s Memphis and Houston.
To begin with, they share so much in common. Both cities periodically get flooded and rely on a steady diet of the richest food on the planet. They both produce some of the best episodes of The First 48, are hotter and more humid than a hippo’s mouth, and are both legendary hip-hop factories. Both have college football programs with erratic histories.
Both are the kind of cities where, at any point in the city, there might just be a dog confidently running around for no reason. (A friendly dog, in all likelihood, but still.)
That should be a delightful game tonight, especially if you like watching Memphis run a zillion plays and Riley Ferguson airing it out to Multiple Targets. Those multiple targets including a tight end named Joey Magnifico, who might be The Most Memphis Football Player of all time because:
- not a giant defensive tackle, but at least a big ol’ tight end
- sounds like a wrestler
- AN HARD-GRINDIN’ UNDERDOG JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE CITY BABY
- and by that we mean he had to walk on due to some lackluster grades in high school
- John Daly lived in his hometown of Cordova, Tennessee for a while
- has “MAGNIFICO” tattooed on the inside of his right arm
- in theory could wrestle under the name “THE CORDOVA CRIPPLER” or yanno, just “JOEY MAGNIFICO.”
- his finishing move has to be The Rib Smoker or The Cracker Barrel.
- both, let’s just go with both
And that’s just one thing we discuss on this week’s preview Fullcast, a very special episode for a lot of reasons. Jason’s audio completely crumbles to pieces for real this time, and he has to pull a Mack Brown and leave; by request, Spencer insults Nebraska for a solid three minutes, 57 minutes less than Ohio State took to fully insult them last week; Ryan mentions UVA twice, for some reason.
It’s crap, and it’s really good, is what we’re saying, even if Ryan and Spencer are very basic with their improv techniques. That’s fine, if that weren’t true we’d probably have to both admit to taking improv classes, which would be beyond embarrassing.
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