These are worse than coal

Need to find a last minute gift for an Eagles fan in your life? Well, I can’t tell you what you should get, but I can help you with what not to get, which is just as important. Here are this year’s worst Eagles gifts, in no particular order.

The Eagles Ukulele

The Denny Ukulele is the Official Ukulele of the NFL™. $88.99 might seem steep for product with no obvious use, but it also comes with a case! The only seemingly decent use one could have for this would be to add a layer to a rendition of the Eagles fight song at a tailgate, but then that person will be “ukulele guy.” Don’t have your friend or loved one be Ukulele Guy or Gal.

Face mask

This is terrifying. Not because it looks scary, but because it is hideous. The face looks like it was molded from Lou Ferrigno after he stubbed his toe. What are you going to do with this? Wear it around the neighborhood? Apparently 191 people gave this a 5 star review.

House divided flag

This is insulting. An Eagles-Steelers couple is not a house divided. I know this first hand, my wife is a Steelers fan.And I have friends with a similar situation, she’s an Eagles fan, her husband is a Steelers fan. It’s not a rivalry, they’re not division rivals, or even conference rivals. In the past 30 years, they’ve played each other 9 times. Nine. During World War II they even merged to form one team to help keep the NFL going. If there’s an Eagles-Steelers house that’s divided, it ain’t because of the football.

Least interesting shirt

Ten years ago this might have been funny.

Star Wars flag

This one is topical(ish, Darth Vader died three episodes ago) and terrible. It doesn’t make any sense. Yes, it’s a generic template and they have one for every team. But there isn’t much of an audience for this, because nobody underestimates the Eagles, and that goes double for Eagles Fans. No other fanbase can reach the depths of self deprecation that Eagles fans can. It’s a badge of honor, and this flag is a badge of shame.

Steak Knives

Yeah, Steak Knives.

Sometimes a gift card isn’t a bad choice.