PUMPERNICKEL EVERYTHING

The Cast

Date: 08 February 2020

FILLERBUSTER’S ELEVEN

BACKGROUND:  This started as a long-winded numbered blog.  It transformed into an organized long-winded category blog.  Now, it is a quick-hitter to ease your pain.  I lack time.  So, the preparation of the blog actually made me procrastinate from writing the thing.  Let’s see who makes the cut.  Barely edited as usual unfortunately, so please excuse any mistakes during my stream of consciousness.  I feel the need…the need for speed.  Let’s turn and burn.

SETTING: Lindsey is at a girl’s brunch, and blogging in front of basketball is more fun than housework.  I hope this Auburn-LSU game is a good one.  I need to compress this a little.  Again, lack of cadence and too much to say.  Let’s move.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes, I know the rest of my site is WAY behind. I need to take an afternoon and catch up the drop downs. For now, the blog IS the site, folks.

1. EVERGREEN:  This will be shorter than I wanted it to be, but I always write my evergreen hook last, and I had to compress this blog.  Anyway, let’s get to it.  Hate basketball.  Hate college sports.  Hate the ACC.  Hate Tobacco Road.  Hate anything you want.  You are wrong though, if you hate anything about Duke vs. North Carolina.  Whether you are a Blue Devil or Tar Heel or just someone looking in from the outside, it IS special.  It doesn’t matter who is on the rosters.  It doesn’t matter who is coaching the teams (although that remains pretty constant as it turns out).  It doesn’t matter if one team is good and the other is not that year.  The energy is unmatched, the history is long, and each game is a chapter in a wonderful book that you just can’t put down and ruins many afternoons reading.  It is up there in all time rivalries across ALL sports.  I hate both of them, being a UVA grad, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying the magic that happens a couple times a year.  If you have housework or movie time that you planned, blow it off.  Turn the game on.  It is always worth it, even when the game isn’t close, which happens less than it should over such a long sample size.  I was going to throw up all sorts of stats and google some stuff for you, but I ran out of time.  Let’s just keep it basic.  Just remember the number 7,746.  That is how many points each team has scored in the last 100 meetings since 1979.  They have each won 50 of those meetings.  That is absurd, awesome, and reason number 7,746 to watch this great rivalry.  PS.  I am taking the points and UNC today.  Got a feeling Cole Anthony will make up that big talent delta this year.  Enjoy.
2. NFL:  Lamar Jackson was a unanimous MVP.  I guess one person who vetoed Derek Jeter for the HOF is not in THIS voting mix.  A vote is coming to make the NFL season 17 games.  Don’t do it.  Sixteen games is just perfect.  Antonio Brown is tweeting apologies to the NFL and also the Steelers.  I guess that means next week is angry AB week, where he trashes everyone and doesn’t pay a mover or aquarium guy for services owed.  Dak Prescott was apparently offered 33 million and turned it down.  I have to commend him.  I have never seen a guy who hasn’t won anything in his career pretend so strongly that he has.  I would hate to play poker with Dak.  There is no Tom Brady resolution yet, except for commercial and social media teasers.  Just end it, and stay in New England, Croc.  I tried to take game notes for the Super Bowl.  I failed.  I was hosting a party.  This is as far as I got.

Watch that last link, folks.

• 3. COLLEGE BASKETBALL:  Continuing this absolutely CRAZY year of basketball.  I ask what is wrong with Auburn and what do they do?  They beat Kentucky.  OK.  A kid from Houston BIT another player, and I don’t even think he was alive when Mike Tyson did it.  We were buying into Butler earlier in the season, and Providence beat them.  Providence is TOUGH at home. We were buying into Wichita State earlier in the season, and they lose to TULSA.  At HOME.  Weird.  They also lost to Cincy on their usually flawless home court.  Wisconsin beat Michigan State, and I think that Michigan State just mails it in once every four games.  Like they are an NBA team.  There are people who FOLLOW college hoops who probably wouldn’t know Baylor was the #1 team if you asked them right now.  If you looked at the by half scores of the Florida-Georgia game last week, your jaw would drop.  41-26.  55-34 the OTHER way.  UVA continues to look like crap but somehow still is in the ACC mix.  Quietly being good and ugly.  They are like an ugly girl in high school that you are suddenly noticing walking down the street in college.  I just never take them minus the points. Ever.  They square off against Louisville today and there is NO way I am NOT taking the EIGHT points I am getting.  I am watching the Auburn-LSU game, and Auburn just came back from 8 down with a minute plus left to take it to OT.  I will try and remember to tell you who won.  If Purdue played everyone at home, they would be unbeaten.  Two different teams than the one on the road.  Road teams in the ACC are winning at a .470 clip, which is the highest percentage since 1955 (.473).  Xavier Simpson not only crashed a car registered by his AD, but then told the first cop on the scene that his name was different and that he “found” the car.  Before posting, Auburn hit a shot with .1 left in OT to win against LSU.  What a game.
• 4. NBA:  Steph Curry will be back in March, but do you even want to mess with a loss season and play him?  They just picked up Andrew Wiggins, who is having a season of revival, and fits in PERFECTLY at the 3 for that team when the troops come back. I hope everyone is enjoying themselves this year, because next year, they are going to be NASTY.  Ms. Jackson Nasty.  It is February 8^th, and Damian Lillard is still unconscious, and the only way you stop him is to not call goaltending on final plays.  I don’t have time to cover the All-Star Game today, but will remember I love my wife more when we are getting away next weekend and I am missing all of the dumb contests (but would still watch if not getting away).  Glad they added a “deep” three point shot to the contest, and I think the “draft” is just about getting the guys you are trying to form super teams with.  Go Joe Harris.  Wahoowa.  I think Houston is actually going to try and make a run with their 6’6” lineup and less this year, and the Capela trade just added to that notion.  The Nuggets smoked the Blazers, but more importantly, beat the Jazz at their unstoppable home court.  Nice win, and Malone is really sending the message that there are NO nights “off” for this special team.  I don’t understand their weird trade they did (by trading away Jokic’s best bud on the team), but they have enough moving parts that it is ok regardless.  Not sure why trading Iggy was covered so much, but he is in a good place now.  The Heat never rebuild, got rid of problem-child Dion Waiters, and are well positioned for a run in the weak East.  The Sixers are struggling, and that is the story right now, but I like the depth they added in Robinson and Burks.  Marcus Morris is now a Clipper, I like the move, and Morris is going to be one hell of a trivia question 10 years from now.  The Cavs got Andre Drummond, and if you think you figured out their long-term plan, then today you are more confused and questioning everything in life.  I nominate LeBron’s IN game dunk the winner of the dunk contest, everyone.
• 5. MLB:  Let’s skip the Astros intern, front office, and other cheating stories.  I just want to say two things.  Joc Pederson to the Angels means one thing.  If they stay healthy, and with Ohtani coming back this year, we WILL see the best player of our generation (Trout) in the playoffs this year, and it will be awesome.  If your team doesn’t make it, and if you aren’t rooting for Trout, then something is wrong with you.  Other thing.  Betts.  The Dodgers could not be the team of the 2020’s.  They were a trash can hit or two away from winning one already, but now they have the rotation and lineup to win now and in future years.  Betts is 27, folks.  This isn’t signing some aging guy for too much money in a long-term contract.  This is paying a guy in his PRIME to help win you a championship on a roster that is already World Series ready.  Dodgers fans will be more depressed than ever if they don’t win one in the next 2-3 years.
• 6. MISCELLANEOUS:  Djokovic not only won after my last blog, but it wasn’t in dominating fashion.  This win showed heart.  Comeback win in five sets.  Being hot in his play, being the most talented recently, and having heart should scare everyone else in 2020.  It doesn’t matter for the next Slam, since it is the Nadal Open, but nice start to the season for the guy.  I like Jon Jones tonight.  Not enough to put up 5:1 money on it, but I still like it.  He is an idiot out of the ring, but the dude sure can fight, and beat people in various ways.  I don’t like that he is already calling out his next possible opponent BEFORE this fight, but they are not being paid the big bucks to split the atom.  I THINK the XFL is on today.  Not tuning in, folks.  Watch that on your own time, and The Fillerbuster won’t be reporting much on it.  Rather watch hoops…
• 7. THIS AND THAT:  I noticed some people shoveling their walks today.  Why?  Today is typical Denver.  It snowed like a blizzard, and now is a heat wave and everything is melting.  I am waiting it out like a smart person.  We keep meaning to watch the last two episodes of Chernobyl, but it sounds so serious.  We instead keep getting led by The Outsider.  JJ Watt was really funny on SNL in skits, and when he wasn’t funny, his effort in trying to BE funny MADE him funny.  I noticed on SNL that Luke Combs doesn’t play guitar in his songs.  I thought ALL country singers played guitar.  Like a given in a proof.  The Coronavirus makes us nervous enough to a degree, but remember…the Olympics are coming in a few months too.  What the hell are they going to do for THAT?  They closed my Macau casinos.  For those of you who don’t know the extent of gambling in Macau, that is the equivalent of closing The Strip in Vegas six times over.  The groundhog Phil must live a great, great life.  One thing to do a year with cameras, and then just cozies up for 364 days in plush comfort to make sure he is around next year.  Did you enjoy the 2^nd of February like you should have?  It was the first full date palindrome in 909 years. 02022020.   Why are the words in Hansel and Gretel reversed for the movie?  What did the Janitor yell when he busted through the closet door?  “Supplies!”  Someone through a bottle of mayonnaise at me last week.  I said “What the Hellman?!”  Did you go to Midwestern Saloon as I recommended you to do?  No?  Well, too late.  It is now gone forever.  Lost in the fact that today in Denver is melting all of the snow is that fact that last week it was 70 on Sunday and THEN the snow came in.  The lip syncing on Drunk History is magical and almost TOO good for a low budget show like that.  It makes it for me.  Trump might lie a little, get confused, and pump his stats up a little, but you can’t deny that he can’t put on a show.  Great show at the State of the Union.  Pulling out the whole surprise military family man thing was brilliant.  He is acquitted of impeachment, Iowa can’t count Democratic votes, and suddenly we are concerned that he just might be our running joke for another four years.   We did the DiFranco’s seasonal tasting, and I highly recommend it.  Thirty people can get in with pre-bought tickets,  and you have the owner tell you stories about family and recipes before serving you the next part of the meal.  Pretty freaking cool.  All for $30.  It is on Broadway just south of downtown.    A big bag of drugs was found in Florida, and the bag had a sign on it.  It said “Big bag of drugs.”  Sand dunes can communicate and that is kind of cool.  Wendy’s is close to serving breakfast each morning, and I find them kind of aloof for joining the party this late.  Saw Brian Regan last night.  It was pretty epic.  My favorite bits were about OCD, him hating people at parties, and him responding to a heckler in the top row of the audience.  Going to celebrate a buddy’s birthday tonight by taking a party bus to The Floozies.  I never had heard of these guys, but you should check them out.  Groovy DJ music who play some instruments themselves, with a light show that will blow your mind.  Why are their tents by BOTH of my workplaces?  When did homeless people get all of these tents?  Was there a handout of tents, or are they quietly organizing their troops?  I don’t remember this being a thing in past years.  They are advancing.  Our work served muffins the other day at our company meeting.  I wanted to tear off the tops and go give the stumps to the tent people.  Seinfeld joke, all.  You can now get yarn made from human skin, and they might want to name it something a little catchier.  Robert Pattinson was named the most handsome man in the world, and I am confused on A) if this is different from sexiest man alive and B) if they (again) vote for these things three times a year.  I had to Google who he was.  There is a company testing red lights that stay red if you honk at them.  Finland gives new parents 164 days off per year from their job.  There is new STP music, and I am one of those old school people who don’t want to listen to STP, Alice in Chains, or any other 1992 Seattle band without their original singer.  Someone in India filled their town’s well with beer, and although beer coming out of all of the taps is kind of funny and cool, it is probably creating some logistical problems too.  We think Uber is going up and to the right on its graph, but they just reported an 8.5 billion dollar loss last year.  Yes, we all missed that time window to buy stock and be rich with them.  If you go the Paramount, get the Mezzanine section.  Easy access to the no-line bar and bathrooms.  One of my favorite bartenders in town is at Senor Bear.  Saw an ad for them.  His cool ass name is this.  Check this out.  Keegan Labrador.  That is so cool that it sounds made up.  He sounds like an old west gunslinger or superhero.  Go to the new downtown place, French 75.  GREAT happy hour deals in a fancy place.  I recommend the calamari and ham and cheese baguette.  They have absinthe too.  Finally, I miss Marlowe’s (it closed) but checked out its replacement, West of Surrender.  Not only does my old buddy, Rob, work there (meaning I will be back soon), but their menu is pretty dope.  I had a pumpernickel Reuben with mac and cheese.  It was fantastic.  For the 1000^th time, why is pumpernickel dissed?  Why do variety batches of bagels never have pumpernickel?  Why is it the ugly duckling of bagel flavors?  It is the BEST.  Hard to find, always in low supply, and the best flavor ever.  My parents got me into pumpernickel.  Thanks, ‘rents.  West of Surrender not only had pumpernickel on its dinner menu, but it was an EVERYTHING bagel TOO.  TWO awesome things.  Go get one tonight.  Say hi to Rob for me.  He is the hippy guy behind the bar.  War Pumpernickel (since Auburn is on, I thought that was a good word play). 
• 8. THE FILLERBUSTER:  Props to my fraternity brother, Lee, who lives in town.  He came over for the Super Bowl and he is one of the coolest cats I know.  My wife doesn’t know what the post-dinner activity is after dinner next week for the dumbest holiday on the calendar, but I did some research, it came together, and her mind will be blown.  I think I might have actually pulled off something thoughtful.  We just had a guy quite at work who started the process by texting my boss during early morning snow “I am not risking my life for this job.”  Dude.  You live in Colorado.  I might have mistakenly added a zero to a normal small stakes sports bet on Tuesday and made out insanely this week.  It WAS two hours of total stress though, but luckily Purdue won by 30 or so.  This is an inside joke, as I don’t comment to much on my job, but I might hate the sport of judo by the end of 2020.  At our company meeting, I made a huge mistake.  I had pole position for the sandwich line, swooped in, got my sandwich, and left before anyone else was even in line.  What mistake did I make?  It was gluten free.  You poor people.  I now sympathize when before I didn’t even know what gluten was.  It is needed evidently to make sandwiches really delicious.  I made two mistakes at my company meeting actually.  I always sit in the back right, way in the back.  When they took the company photo, they asked everyone to turn around, and somehow my incognito self got stuck in the FRONT row of our all company photo.  Dammit.  I was at the happy hour after the company meeting, and people were very confused.  There was free pizza.  I didn’t eat any so I could enjoy dinner with my wife.  Remember, although I have developed a “pizza stomach,” that extra stomach can only be used AFTER the primary stomach is used.  Flawed development.  When my wife is being a little sassy these days on a night out, I call her Black Crowes.  Although that nickname doesn’t really shorten anything or make sense, it is simply me telling her she is hard to handle.  Finally, as I watch Bob Knight return to Indiana at halftime of the game on presently, again I will say that my dad sort of looks like Bob Knight a little.
• 9. I don’t have time today, folks.  The Fillerbuster’s Eleven is Nine today.  Enjoy the 45 seconds you just saved in not reading this hook.
• 10. Like I said, compression.  Nine plus two placeholders.  Eleven.
• 11. TWEETS OF THE WEEK

ALTERNATE CATEGORIES THAT DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT:

1. THE BEST WORKOUT SONG EVER FOR THIS WEEK (because the best song this week IS the best song ever…for now):
2. QUOTE OF THE WEEK
3. LINKS TO SAVE YOU TIME IN LIFE
4. TRAVEL
5. THIS WEEK’S LIST
6. MY NUMBERS
7. GONE FISHING (the riddle for money):
8. PICS BY MY PIXEL (pictures from my phone):
9. LIFEGUARD ENTRY:
10. COLLEGE FOOTBALL
11. NHL

The theme?  Pumpernickel.  Had to be.

Two plus weeks until I go off the grid in Ecuador…

And our weekly reminder of the greatest sequel ever made coming out next summer… Top Gun 2.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFM3i-dQ6B8

MWTILMGBDEOASMGUWGEMCDFTWBIPMFBRMBWC

That’s it for today.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Remember two things.  First, feed yourself, feed your family, but always, always remember to…feed the wolf.  Second,  if you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.  Will I blog again?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, let’s get the flock out of here.

Bob knight back at Indiana for ceremony