Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. No, it is not an airplane cast. Sunday afternoon blog. Semi-speed version. Let’s turn and burn.
(There are very few of you who know how this blog started. Priceless.)
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DISCLAIMER: This blog is sarcastic and is intended as harmless fun only. This is not a blog for sensitive readers. Know that any seemingly derogatory or abrasive statements are NOT MEANT AT ANY LEVEL OF SERIOUSNESS. Read on ONLY after accepting the above statements.
No hook, line, and sinker. Just writing. Let’s clear the list.
- I get beaten in pool once a month or so. Tops. Beaten with a partner has an asterisk, but a promise is a promise. Not only did Greg FINALLY come out Friday, but he beat me at pool. Double whammy. Dude gets cooler every single day. As KGB once said, “He beat me. Pay that man his money.”
- And he actually did most of the legwork. Nothing BS about it.
- Don’t know about you, but I am sitting on my couch and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy football is back.
- Oh, and greetings and salutations and thanks for coming aboard (the boat).
- I wonder what would happen next year if I just bet $20 on every single underdog in the first week of the NFL season.
- My wife went to sleep early, so I did what I did for ten years of my life. I watched the last 22:41 of Rounders. Doesn’t everyone do that?
- I lost at Foos too Friday. Bad night in all respects. Sorry, Greg. I didn’t have my one offensive move locked on.
- Well, except for I went home early and someone I was hanging out with did get arrested. I remember when….never mind.
- Thought Jack Reacher was a good movie. Still not seeing why I would go back to see another one about him. This is not Indiana Jones we are talking about.
- Lousiville’s Lamar Jackson has 13 TD’s and plays FSU next week. Wait. Don’t skip past that sentence. THIRTEEN TD’s in two games.
- I am projected to win my fantasy game. You can read a book on Sunday and feed your Hummingbird feeder. I care about the fact that I am supposed to win in fantasy. Butterflies, karma, and flowers.
- Did Allen Iverson age like 15 years in the last two years? I will post a pic of when he was the man.
- Damn, I loved watching him play. Second favorite player of all time.
- I go to Vegas in three weeks. I remember when I thought that was exciting and special. Selling to casinos makes it almost a chore.
- But, taking a day off after and staying at Mandalay Bay (finally) the night after my work thing. A person who cherishes wave pools and lazy rivers like I do should be embarrassed I have not done that yet.
- I actually judge every location on whether they have a lazy river or not.
- The next 14 days at work might be my favorite 7 days…ever. Big time. Nothing like doing a year in a two weeks.
- If you missed the end of the Green Bay-Jacksonville game, then shame on you. This is nuts.
- Was supposed to hang out with my old school boy this weekend. Aaron. Sick kid. No dice. Raincheck.
- Yes, people. HE invented the term “shampoo effect.” Pitchers. Littleton. 1997. Wife continues to disagree with me. I just tell her she knew about it because 3 people heard our convo and then the Pay It Forward movie came into play.
- Ever watch that movie? Best feel good movie ever, and then the knife. I fell off the couch and might have cried.
- Pancho is such a great guitar player. Release party at Cervantes was awesome.
- I can’t believe my cat scratched my nose, I am a dog guy, and about to get a SECOND cat in less than a month. If you care, and I know I don’t, this is the cat we are getting.
- It looks like it has a big forehead, or is that me?
- I just used to read Where The Red Fern Grow every two weeks and cry like a baby.
- WHY do I bet on pro football again? I didn’t like ANYTHING yesterday for college, and should have just chilled today.
- We were at Tour de Fat yesterday, and I informed my wife of an important fact about me. I am about one month from being there, but once I am there, I am a festival shirtless guy. Once I get my washboard back, I just put the shirt in my belt and act like a meathead.
- I am hoping it goes better than when Elaine found out about Warburton being a face painter.
- Do you feel like you are searching something weird when Google doesn’t self populate?
- Gronk. You are killing me already.
- Thank you, Kyle Rudolph for the 8 pts.
- OU better beat Ohio State next week. Because the rest of the Big 12 aren’t doing them any favors. #tcu
- Pretty sure New Orleans gives Lance Stephenson PLENTY of ammo to get in trouble.
- So, I just had the happiest 5 minutes in my life. The Here I Go Again commercial was right before the NFL Home Sweet Home commercial. Wow.
- Wait. Why am I showing HIM? I should be showing HER.
- By the way, got in another convo today about my chick list. New #3.
- Of course, only #2 because she is getting old.
- So hot. But, #1 is secure for a long, long time.
- Irony exist everywhere. I wore a bee costume yesterday and I firmly believe I will die when the killer bees come to Denver.
- I am such a good photographer.
- My dive bar aside from Williams.
- Getting SO close to getting it back. Used to be a 20 under guy every day of the week.
- What would a blog be like if we didn’t have an Avery pic of her giving everyone the finger?
- Imagine how bad of day it would have been at Tour de Fat if there was one less bicycle?
- Some of the ladies of my life.
- This guy doesn’t talk much, but we have lots of conversations for some reason.
- Nah. Tour de Fat never gets anyone to go.
- This is the other photo I took Thursday. See you in the AFC playoffs, Broncos fans. And this is Rand.
- And this is my lady. Not sure how I got so lucky, and glad she discovered Lexington Avenue, which has $20 dresses that EVERYONE asks about.
- I pledge to you that NEXT Halloween I will FINALLY plan a costume instead of just seeing what is on top shelf of my closet. I am pretty clever. I would come up with something good.
- I have now informed my wife and her family that I plan on not acting like a dumbass all the time moving forward. I am waking up each day and acting like the pretty freaking smart guy I am. I just thought acting like I am an idiot was easier day to day. But I got tired of the jokes. Now it is go time.
- You know? When Greg beat my at pool, he made a run and I still had a chance at a reasonable shot to close out things, which I typically do. I didn’t, The more I think about it, the more I would want to remove a “partner asterisk.” He freaking beat me. DAMMIT.
- OOOHHHH. Wawrinka-Djokovic starts in a few minutes. Whoa. It will be a great tennis match but confused when they started playing the final on Sunday.
- I am pro Wawrinka without a doubt.
- I guess the only person who can talk shit to Lamar Jackson is the RB from ASU.
- Keep talking shit to me, people. Both games haven’t been gems, but Tennessee is still…2-0. They will be in the playoff.
- I see Rand everywhere socially. His place is Pub on Penn. John de John (owner) will STILL not allow me in there. Get over it, dude. With the amount of sales I am about to have this month, you probably want me in there.
- Funny thing is if he ever let’s me back in there, I will never go there…out of spite. Seinfeld.
- I just want to be allowed back in. I of course won’t GO. Come on.
- Lindsey’s dad actually asked me to come over and watch some video today. I told him that he was the funniest person in the entire world as it appears that the Dixon family runs on OU games, and not all football. It is the first weekend of NFL football. No one call me.
- The Chiefs just scored 23 “unanswered” points. I am down with that, considering my rule of unanswered points is 20.
- I was proud of UVA for being tied with Oregon 6-6. It just is going to get…much…much worse.
- Let’s get some hugs and not overreact to Kershaw looking rusty in his first start.
- Biggest Kershaw fan outside of LA. Me.
- Second biggest Kershaw fan outside of LA. Myself.
- Third biggest Kershaw fan outside of LA. I.
- Oh, and Oklahoma State lost. Not a help to the Sooners.
- I assume I won’t Instagram anything when in Norman next week.
- I think “Cal OL punches ref” was my favorite headline of the week.
- There is a Lethal Weapon SHOW? Are we seriously out of ideas? If I didn’t promise Greg he would be the theme, the below would be the theme.
- Landon Donovan, stop unretiring like every boxer from the 80’s.
- Listen. Deal with it. Ray Rice WILL return to the NFL. Too fast. Too big. And someone will roll the dice.
- I want to meet the marketing director from Geico. The Ice Tea-lemonade commercial is brilliant.
- If I started saying “you are SO good looking” instead of bless you at work, would HR have a problem?
- When I talk about Rand, I should have told you this. I love the Steelers. I hate all Steelers fans. Except for him. The ONE Steelers fan I would actually watch a game with. Everyone else sucks. I have been to the Denver Steelers bar. I wanted to punch everyone in the face.
- Pretty sure my wife would prefer that I NOT sing Hunger Strike every time I get really, really hungry.
- Believe it or not, I can not only be irritating, but think I can sing too. That is one scary combination.
- …even though I can do both the low AND high notes.
- I think I can grow to like Under the Snug. I just will stay far away from the Bengals fans.
- So, the ONE time I bet on the Falcons in their usual fast starts, they lose???
- I am going through a tomato soup phase.
- How exactly do we own a pig and be able to eat bacon every Saturday and Sunday???
- Have Keenan Allen in your FFL? Whoops. Shame. He treated me well in the past.
- That’s it for today. Late afternoon games are starting and I am tired of talking with you. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
FINANCES: Bryan S. owes me $40. Greg debt is paid technically, but pretty sure I will buy him a bar tab in the near future. Hoban and Greg are my two favorite new people.
VINCE’S SPANISH: Thank GOD Google has a translator.
STAKEHOLDERS: No new activity. Marty I believe I owe $4.
SOCIAL MEDIA: Back to 482 Twitter, 52 on Instagram.
PRIZES: No additional prizes today.
TIME: Greg, tough to tell. Maybe 1 hour? During football, so I am just kind of typing in between stuff.
DAILY $2 TRIVIA (sorry-Google is too powerful and you can look it up, so the daily prize has to be about…me): What was the first question Donald Sutherland asked me when I was his personal driver in the movie I worked on? Very simple. Very scary. I will pop it up to $5 for today.
WEEKEND SCHEDULE: Norman, Norman, Norman. Lindsey Street.
HOW MANY DAYS UNTIL I BECOME TWO CAT MARK: Considering my cat just scratched me last night, let’s not talk about getting a NEW cat.
This post first appeared on Shark Tank Products, please read the originial post: here