Since I moved out to the remote island where I live, I’ve kept a lot to myself. To a big extent this has been a personal choice as I was tired of the shallowness of the world. It became apparent to me how many of my relationships had been there just to pass time, or just to be nice to one or the other without little basis for a genuine Friendship, or how much time spent together had been mostly about being validated or even just someone to throw your gunk on when you’re having a shitty day.
On occasions I would miss having someone to hang out with, but then I would imagine them to be someone like me, someone who reads a lot of books and someone to discuss Philosophy with, or someone who are deeply spiritual, someone smart, someone into environmental issues, someone super healthy, someone who like the same music as I to whom I could play all my gazillion records and someone who would appreciate my home decoration and who has the same cultural references as I do.
Now, who were running away from shallow relationships?
Sometimes it really is ironic how good we are at pointing our fingers at others without seeing the errors of our own ways. The one to teach me a major lesson in this respect is someone nothing like my list of demands. In fact, he is the complete opposite, and yet our friendship has grown to a really deep one.
My friend does not speak the same language as I and he really isn’t very good in English. We have no common language to communicate by. And even if we did, we wouldn’t be discussing philosophy because this guy hasn’t read a book in his life. He is far from book smart and his dyslexia keeps him from ever being so. Not that I think he would care about it if even if he could, cause he’s into other things. He likes to build cars, he likes monster trucks. He’s even been to prison for violence and he nearly died once because he was on steroids. He is the sort of guy that I would never ever imagine myself to be friends with. Muscles and trucks? Really?
Now, who’s shallow?
Luckily, he isn’t as judgmental as I, and I am very thankful for this. Despite our differences we had an immediate connection. It was strange how we from the start could sit in each others energy and just revel in it. We don’t even have to talk. It is like whenever we hang out together, there is a peace settling over both of us. There is no reason to try to impress the other person or to show off anything. There is nothing to do. And it’s probably even our differences that enables this, because since we are so different from one another, it wouldn’t make sense. When there is no common ground, nothing to grab a hold of, all that is left is the acceptance of the other. He is a human being, like I. It is one of the most profound experiences of my life.
I don’t even think we are all that different. Our differences are revolving around the personalities we’ve made for ourselves, the image we project to the world, and I think the reason we enjoy each others company so much, is that with the lack of words and opinions, we allow the inside to shine through. He is extremely genuine and honest. He is able to be vulnerable in a way that is deeply inspiring. He is trustworthy and kind. He is very open-minded and non-judgmental. I mean, what else do you need from someone?
I could have gotten a friend who was into all the same things as I and I would have learned something new about philosophy or science perhaps, which would have been great. It’s not like anything is better or worse than the other. With this person though, I am Learning something new about myself, I am learning something about life, …and I am learning something about unconditional love.
by Agathe Molvik.