The unknown

I’m in the midst of yet another sacred experience; a new and different episode; a moment in time in which life feels to have aligned with an energy that inspires my creativity and my willingness to once again open my Heart to the unknown.

As my life feels like it’s coming full-circle after 17 years of searching, and with a journey towards self-discovery that’s still unfolding, I feel it’s somewhat safer to come up for air and breathe in my blessings.

I’ve been mindfully preparing for life and all of its blessings since age 17. I try to remain sensitive to the fear that may be present in the unprepared, without assuming that life will unfold how I want it to or that those I want surrounding me will be willing.

I can’t help but believe that the gift I’ve become has transcended into the most beautiful gifts for me to now receive. Every single connection my life has given me is a gift, and I want to honour all who’ve guided me.

I need to remind myself that the unknown of the future exists. That expectations are dangerous. That although the grass is already greener, winter will inevitably come again. That cautious and quiet actions speak louder than an impulsive sprint towards the finish line. That no matter what, I’m already a winner.

Let life cheer.

Exhilaration

As my heart pounds with rigour, my lungs catch on hot, humid air that I suck in with force, and my loose mouth pushes out a loud breath that brings my eyes back into a sharp focus, while surrounded by a drooping and brightly flushed face. As my skin dampens and the hair on my arms stands, the muscles in my legs spasm. Though I feel the need to collapse, I keep going.

After a quick spin into a perfected position, the ball is delicately placed with purpose in a corner where I alone stand. Pressure seats my nerves into a deep focus, a comfortable place that thrives with expectation and an exhilarating excitement that looks to impress. I make the ball bend effortlessly, and it finds another home in a different corner. I remain strong and sturdy as the net shakes.

The crowd rises from their seats, emptying the bleachers and bringing cheers that echo through the stadium, where the dispersed players race towards each other with a thrill that’s unforgettable. My exhaustion is forgotten as my strong legs prance with pride back into position, where yet another whistle begins a new chapter of the game.

I’ve scored in life.

Precision

My daily walk steps my one-track mind forward, and the familiarity of the dirt path surrounded by trees and water gives me anticipation of the clearing where the Bridge comes into view. A bridge that represents the transition from nature to city. A bridge that crosses open water, where kayaks roam beneath and bats wait under.

The bats congregate in masses where they hang, hidden inside the structure, only to suddenly and chaotically release themselves into the falling sun—which signals their nightly expeditions. My daily walks may not show me them, but I know they’re close.

As I reach the stairs leading up to the bridge, my goal-oriented mind finds a small sense of accomplishment in what the bridge signifies. Although this is just a minor milestone, the repetition within my days still creates a structure that moves me across boundaries. It keeps my one-track mind directed towards a fast-paced place that, each day, I prepare to reach. If only my tracks can be remembered.

My constant preparation of my solo expedition towards a bustling place full of new and unique faces continues at a pace that keeps my legs steady, my gaze undistracted and my spirit unaffected. My mission and purpose in life may be clouded, as are the tops of tall buildings, but my commitment to opening the door and climbing the stairs—where I’ll be shown a view I’ve never seen before—motivates my lack of fear.

What I do know is that my tracks leading up to an open and unknown sky aren’t alone. The footsteps may be at first muddy, but as I continue to work my way upwards, the staircase becomes clean and clear.

I step with precision.

Goodness

My drive was disrupted by a tap on the window, and my bleeding heart exchanged two quarters for a small and flimsy newspaper. A newspaper we in Seattle knew could be found on street corners and under bridges. A few cents well earned by the dirtied and desperate man.

My car sat beneath a bridge—a place I’d sat many times before, with the anticipation of the long wait for the green light that would signal my speed forward and leave behind this man, along with my memory of his service. Instead, I witnessed something beautiful unfold as one act of kindness carried on.

As my eyes found the rearview mirror and saw the man approach the car behind, my focus found the hand of the passenger reach out with two quarters. The driver received his newspaper, and my rush to push my foot to the pedal eased to the hope of remaining put.

The windows continued to domino down as the newspapers thinned in the hands of the spirited and ragged man, who graciously collected his payments and moved on to the next.

The goodness was contagious, and melted my heart into a pool of hope that was a reminder of the power of passing it on. I couldn’t help but believe those witnessing the effect of each act of generosity were excited for their turn to share and become a part of the lineage. The man’s hands became full of quarters and empty of newspapers. I assumed the cars who missed their chance of partaking were saddened.

I saw smiles build behind me, and as the light turned green, I slowly drove off to a place that wasn’t so distant from the swelling in my heart.

Goodness does exist.

A higher power

I’ve committed to a higher power that represents love, freedom and connection. These three aspects embody my life goals. With an initial grasp on the desire to obtain and reach my higher power, I chose to let go and surrender to these aspects, with the hope they’d find me instead. Each day, the ripple in my evolving soul moves outward and has finally found a home on a sandy beach where love, connection and freedom reside.

This is a beach where forever friends welcomed my broken spirit with open arms, relatable stories and a raw sense of humour that’s only found in a state of complete comfort, safety, honesty and authenticity. The power of connection brought me the gift of love, which opened my entire being to an exotic island of freedom where my vulnerability dances to a song sent to me, for me—by a higher power. The wind sings as it kisses the palm trees, and the coconuts knock the sand aside like a beat of my heart jolts my chest.

Laughter bounces from wave to wave, where it then rests on a colourful horizon, only to be pulled up by the sky where it once again shines throughout the day. A new cycle has entered my life—a cycle that sleeps with me in my dreams, and when awake, guides me throughout yet another beautiful day.

As the sun sets, my higher power is passed to the moon. There is always light to be shed, and we all play and rest beneath. The island chose me, but I chose my visitors.

Choose wisely.

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