How to Rekindle a Relationship
Okay gentlemen, buckle up! The ladies are going to tell it like it is in this article on how to Rekindle a relationship. Get ready to take some notes…
Years into a marriage, many once-loving couples hit the wall, and the daily grind takes a toll. If you are not careful, your marriage can degrade into simple cohabitation, with two individuals sharing a home, a bed, and the refrigerator.
I know because there have been countless times in my office over the years, as a couple sat on the couch across from my wife and me, that the stressful tears of frustration and raised voices abounded.
As a Christian man, it is always so helpful to get thoughtful high-quality input from the ladies on how to rekindle a relationship.
It helps us to see things from their perspective and to better understand and meet our wife’s needs. Perhaps you may even want to send this article to your wife.
So in this article, we are going to get some wise romantic advice from some terrific marriage bloggers.
Here is a quick reference guide on “How to Rekindle a Relationship”
Debi Walter from The Romantic Vineyard shares some practical and powerful advice on how to rekindle a relationship.
(There is a great section for the GUYS on her website, you can check it out here!)
She tells us that, “It’s tried and true that fires go out when there is no heat, no fuel, or no oxygen.
…the heat needed can be compared to the love you share. It is what started the fire in the first place.
…the fuel needed is the kind attention you give your spouse. This is easy at first until the responsibilities of growing a family and careers take priority. Our remarks towards one another become short demands, instead of loving communication.
…the oxygen needed is being intentional to romance your spouse every day, not just on special occasions.
The good news is even when romance has died down in marriage, it’s never too late to rekindle the flames.
What is the current state of romance in your marriage and what can you do about it?
- If the embers are still hot and simmering, it only takes some fresh romance (oxygen) to fan them into flames again. Set up a babysitter and plan a special date. Have fun together. Laughter does good like medicine, the Bible proclaims. Make room for laughter and watch the fire roar.
- If the fire has never burned well, you have some learning (fuel) to do. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them. You need to know, and the only way to find out is to ask. Plan a date where you can have extended time to talk. Ask good questions. Don’t assume you know what your spouse enjoys.
- If the fire was once hot and has grown cold (heat), it is imperative that you discover why. Is there unresolved conflict, bitterness or unconfessed sin? It could be neglect. You may need to seek outside help. Unpacking years of mistakes can be painful. Having someone help you with the mess, gives you the best chance of rebuilding what has been lost. One thing is sure, to do nothing means romance will die, leaving only charred reminders of what once was.
Marriage is a privilege. It speaks volumes to all who know us. We are a living example of Christ’s love for the church, a reflection of His character to a watching world.
I urge you to keep the home fires burning. Healthy marriages are a fragrant offering acceptable to the Lord, and He deserves nothing less than our best!”
Thank you, Debi, for your heartfelt and thoughtful contribution on how to rekindle a relationship.
Rebecca Rice from Rice Revelations tells us, “When it comes to your marriage one of the most important things you can do is to keep the flame burning. So often, you hear one spouse complaining about the other for lack of bedroom activities, or that they do not feel as if they are dating their spouse anymore.”
On how to rekindle a relationship, Rebecca says that “taking the time to rekindle your marriage will not only make you both happier but it will make your marriage stronger.”
Here are some of her suggestions.
“A great way to get back into things is to schedule a weekly date night. This doesn’t need to be at night, this does not need to be something you spend a large amount of money on, and it definitely should not be something you do often.
When you rekindle your marriage you want to add that special spark back and in order to do this, you need to switch things up a little! Take turns planning each week’s date and participate 100% in each other’s ideas.
Make sure you are having fun because when you are living in the moment and are being genuine with one another, you will be reminded of why you fell in love in the first place.
In a nutshell, take the time weekly to do something with one another that “scares” you to rebuild your initial feelings!”
Thank you, Rebecca, for sharing your ideas on how to rekindle a relationship.
Kim Pullen from Hope for Spouses shares some thoughts on intimacy and how to rekindle a relationship.
“In today’s economy, gym memberships are often the first items to get nixed from the family budget. But if regular exercise could improve your sex life, you might think twice before canceling.
More often though, our schedules are tighter than our wallets. How many of us—husbands and wives—can relate?
Sweaty is Sexy
Finances and legitimate family needs often cause us to put our physical health on a back burner. Before long, we feel self-conscious about our less-than-lean body parts which lead to even leaner physical intimacy with our spouse.
Let’s face it: Sex is physical. If we really want more romance and sexual intimacy, we gotta get (and stay) in shape. In Song of Songs, Solomon directly refers to his lover’s physical appearance four times as much as his bride does of his. In fact, men actually find a sweaty, slightly disheveled woman sexy (I know, ladies, I don’t get it either, but it’s true).
Couples Who Sweat Together
So, wives, if our husbands find our bending, stretching, and sweating so appealing, why, oh why, are we exercising separately? What a waste of foreplay!
Sure, women often prefer fitness classes like yoga or Zumba while men gravitate toward the free weights. But make a deal to come together and take turns doing both. Ladies, lift weights at the gym with your hubby, and guys, do a yoga class with your wife.
So what if you have to use the 5-pound dumb bells or can’t touch your toes. It tells your spouse you are interested in discovering what they like about their favorite exercise. And you may discover the health benefits and become a fan yourself.
Another advantage to working out together is actually based on research. Exercise releases happy hormones (endorphins and oxytocin) which relieve stress, promote relaxation and elevate mood. Who doesn’t need more of those in their marriage? Also, a healthy body means a stronger, more flexible body which easily translates into a more robust, adventurous sex life.
One last thing to note: Women actually become sexually aroused during vigorous exercise, but since this high only lasts for about 15 minutes after a workout, you and your spouse may want to stay home, move the hand weights into the bedroom, crank up the fitness music, and exercise together within close range of the bed.
Wives, you never know, spandex may become your new lingerie.”
Thank you, Kim, for sharing your creative ideas on intimacy, and how to rekindle a relationship.
Next up is Katherine Shorter, the author, and voice behind Being Yoked, a blog dedicated to preparing women for marriage.
Katherine shares with us that, “Valentine’s Day is often the time of year when spouses pull out all of the stops in an effort to be romantic.
People spend so much time trying to bring all of the romance back into their marriage during this one holiday but in order to bring the romance back into your marriage…and keep it there…you have to find ways to rekindle the romance and keep that flame burning year round.
Rekindling the romance should be about rediscovery and reinvention. People will grow and change in marriage and might be a different person from the day you married them…and that’s not always a bad thing!
What are some different ways that you can rekindle the romance in marriage? Think a bit outside of the box this year and rekindle the romance in some new ways:
- Reminisce about the past.
What was it that caused you to fall in love in the first place? We should grow as we age in numbers and wisdom but who we are at our core should never change. Remember the main reason why you fell with them and appreciate that.
2. Relearn your spouse’s love language.
When I first married, my love language was definitely the language of touch. As we’ve grown and added responsibilities to our lives, Acts of Service is quickly moving to the top of the list. When my husband helps me out around the house, it shows me that he loves me just as much as when he wants to get a little handsy. What is it now that they need from you, to show that you love and appreciate them?
3. Get out and share something new.
A big part of who we are as individuals is what gives us joy in life. It’s a wonderful feeling when you can share that part of your life with your spouse. Engage in their hobby with your spouse. If you really don’t enjoy their hobby, find a new one that you can both enjoy!
Rekindling the romance will take some effort but it’s not impossible. Going forward, make small changes that will have incredibly beautiful impacts on your marriage!”
Thanks Katherine for your thoughtful insights on how to rekindle a relationship by reminiscing, relearning, and trying something new.
The ladies gave us a lot to think about, didn’t they? What a valuable collection of romantic wisdom. It’s a smart thing for us to get input from the fairer gender.
I hope that this article on how to rekindle a relationship has been helpful and encouraging and that you will put these great ideas into practice in your own marriage.
Proverbs 30:18–19 “There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: 19 The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.”
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