Why is it that two group of parents can use exactly the identical Outcome but nevertheless get very different outcomes? Can it be because the kid that learns from your outcome is good natured while another kid that becomes resentful is only a bad egg? Does it all depend on the character of the child or does exactly the way the parents employ the consequences have some effect over their potency?
I’m reminded of mom whose initial response when her kid did something improper was to state with frustration and anger “do not you dare do this again.” Her next response was to endanger by stating, “If you do this again you are going home.” Obviously, this kid lasted the bad behaviours and as soon as the mother eventually implemented the consequence by suddenly leaving the shop, she also threw in a couple of choice shaming phrases like, “I will not take you everywhere,” and “Today we must leave for you.” Consequently, instead of learning how to act at the shop, this child instead learned how to get even with mother by becoming her frazzled and defeated at people.
What a miserable, nevertheless frequent situation for most parents. On the other hand, how some parents employ consequences leaves the children feeling mad at their parents instead of mad in their own bad decisions.
Love and Logic instructs that when anger, frustration, and risks are involved in implementing effects, the consequences shed their efficacy. Also, here are a few more typical ways parents undermine the outcomes that they provide their children:
1. As soon as we use a lot of words when employing impacts we lose our children focus. A glistening appearance falls throughout their faces and they have dropped in the message we’re trying to ship. Using too many words also sends the message which the kid is not smart enough to find out why throwing a metallic automobile at his sister’s mind is a lousy idea.
2. Using sarcasm. As soon as we use sarcasm with our children we instruct them to be amusing with others and us. What’s more, when parents have been amusing it gets into the way of these with compassion that’s the basis of implementing consequences efficiently.
3. Telling the kid what the outcome will be ahead. Many parents have a problem with the concept of not telling the kid what the outcome will be before implementing it. They believe that it isn’t reasonable for a child to find a outcome without first understanding what the outcome is going to be for your own misbehavior. Truthfully, some children can manage knowing what the outcome will be ahead and it really deters the misbehavior. However, for the vast majority of intelligent children, telling them exactly what the outcome will be ahead comes across as providing a threat or hard the kid. Whenever these children are aware of what the outcome will be ahead for a specific behaviour, they perpetrate a small variant of the banned behavior so that they can say, “But you never believed I could not do it like that.” We’re then stuck between trying to be honest and seeking to maintain our children accountable. As an instance, if Jimmy hears exactly what the outcome is going to be to hitting his brother, then he can perform a cost-benefit investigation and determine that the payoff outweighs the adverse outcome. He concludes that it’d be well worth it to visit his room for an hour when it means he has to strike on his brother on the road there.
So if those are the strategies to ruin the potency of outcomes, how do we employ consequences efficiently? Love and Logic instructs how to employ consequences effectively would be to show forth compassion and sadness before implementing consequences. A fantastic example of this occurred the other night. Approximately ten minutes after I’d set my little girl to bed she came from her room and explained that she had been hungry. Having a sad and tender voice that I said something like, “Oh sweetheart, you did not complete your dinner and now you are hungry. I will see you at the morning.
The potency of consequences might be affected by the character of a child, but more powerful is how parents employ the consequences.