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The Raiders

'Heey, Pam!'
'Sup, babe?'
'Good. Um, you good?'
'Yeah, what's up?'
'Oh, nothing. The building's 97% complete. Got it now 90% rented. So far so good.'
'Wow! That's great! Well done!'
'Thanks. Yeah,... I was thinkin'.'
'Bout what?'
'You know how I always come to your house? And then we chill and just cotch?'
'Yeah, I love it.'
'Exactly. Me, too. How would you... how would you like to move in together?'
'... Donnie, are you serious?'
'Yeah... I mean, I could put the down payment of a crib upfront. There's this nice place I saw in Kabeza. Just 10 mill and we could renovate it and make it look fly. Won't cost too much and it's in a fly area, too. Nice and quiet and away from the airport. I was thinkin' we coul'
'... yes?? Are you sure?'
'Yes, you Goofy! Stop being yourself again.'
'Right... oh, right!! Um,... cool! Haha... thank'
She hugs and kisses him.
'Mmm... God, I can never get enough of your lips. Anyway... wanna go check the place out? I don't have to be back at the site 'til evening so I could call the agent and tell him we're'
'Yes, Goofy!!'
'Haha... I'm being myself again, huh?'
'You can't help it.'
'Yeah, someone's gotta do it. Shall we?'
They go to Pam's ride and drive to a serene neighbourhood just outside downtown Kabeza and check a small 2 bedroom flat out. They tour the place in peace and have a lot of discussions about every part of it and compound.
'It's got room for one car parked inside and we could plant those big trees you love, outside along the wall. You know, the ones with the long, thin leaves.'

'I love those ones! Oh my God, they're so Heaven anytime I go through them! They're straight up right from God's backyard, man. No joke!'
'Yeah, they're pretty cool. I like it! Let's take it.'
The agent smiles and brings out the paperwork from his briefcase. Donnie signs the purchase agreement and firmly shakes the agent's hand. Everyone's happy.
Pam and Donnie drive back to the café and huddle over Pam's iPad.
'OK, babe, if we're gonna move in together, let's start pimping the place out. Why don't you start calling some workers from the home improvement stores in Remera and have them start replacing the plumbing and all that infrastructure stuff?'
'Haha... infrastructure stuff. Sure.'
She goes to HeHe.
'OK, what's the store that sells all that homely stuff again?'
'Umm.... Shema Shop!'
'That's the one! OK,... there. Right, first I want bedsheets and pillows. I want you to get a huge double bed for the master bedroom.'
'Master bedroom? There are only two bedrooms.'
'Yeah, well, I wanna be able to roll over twice and still be on the bed.'
'Huh... slumber champion.'
'35 year defending champion. Don't mess!'
'Haha... OK, done.'
'Oh hey, this is nice... check this out.'

'Umm... isn't it a bit girly? It says at the bottom it's ideal for girls and teenagers.'
'Do you love me?'
'Of course I do!'
'Then we're takin' it. You've suffered so much alone in your life. You need a woman to give you that feminine touch that makes your feminine side feel at home again.'
'So I have to be open to my girl's girly side to heal again?'
'OK... softness, here I come.'
'Whatever, you'll thank me later. OK,... added to cart. Alright, I want kitchen goods. Gimme, gimme kitchen stuff!'
'Here, this bread basket's nice.'

'What about these 2 pot sets? The one with the red sticker here and the majestic one. It'll be 10 pots in total.'
'Hell yeah, bring on the pots!'

'Champagne glasses. We need to party every now and then.'
'Right on!'

' glasses, while we're at it. We're so definitely Gonna have candlelight dinners with fine wine!'
'Donnie, my dear, you're scoring brownie points!'

'I like this coffe glass set.'
'Yeah, they're nice. They're gonna be good for cappuccinos. Get 'em.'

'Check out these glasses. Nice and big.'

'... ooh! Nice tea cups! They're nice and light, with soft colours... that bright up your day!'
'Hehe... that's why I'm dating you, babe.'

'Hey, this is nice... what do you think of this Asian bowl? Isn't it cute?'
'Yeah, it's happy... expresses your personality.'
'I'm taking it!'

'Woooh, this blender's dope!'
'Taking it!'

'Are you done? We're spending quite a bit.'
'Yeah, you're paying.'
'For real? I still have to get the painters and plumbers and'
'You wanna live unfurnished? I don't have to live with you!'
'OK, point taken. Let's pay.'
'I'm not done yet. I like this Asian bowl here. I wanna get dishes that match it, too, 'cause it brings out the food, in contrast.'
'Yeah, like this plate set here. They're proper trendy, edgy.'
'Yeah, I love 'em! Let's take 'em.'

'We should get a kettle, too. This one'll do.'

'Blue and white plates! Want!'

'Riight...yo, we should go on excursions! And when we do, we should get this huge flask. You know, pack coffee and stuff.'
'Pack... haha! Yeah.'

'Jesus, they've got a fridge?? We are SO taking it!'
Donnie gulps once... then quietly concurs, 
Pam looks at him and smiles.
'It's OK, Donnieboy, I'll pay for this one.'
'Thank God!! Whoa...'
'Haha... you're such a cheapskate!'
'Ehy,... I hate being broke!'
'What you call broke is actually always having a lot of money in your account but you never acknowledge that you're rich. You need to work on that!'
'Yeah... I suppose.'

'Play some music, will you?'
'Sure. What do you wanna listen to?'
'Timati featuring Snoop Dogg - Groove On.'
'Big tune!'
He switches on the deck and plays the track.
'Get me?! Oh hey, we haven't gotten a frying pan yet. Let's see... yeah, this one will do.'

'I make mean fried eggs!'
'Yeah, I heard. You make them with thyme and curry and fry them on both sides?'
'It's an art!'
'Yeah, you got skills but unfortunately that's all you can cook.'
'... very funny!'
'Haha... sensitive boy! OK, let's browse some more... aaah, I like this bowl right here! Yeaah, it fits to our happy go lucky dishes.'
'I agree, buy it!'
'Done... what else?'

'I wanna eat more fruits and salads, so we should definitely get this salad bowl right here.'
'Going vegan, huh?'
'I'm thinkin' about it. But I'm not tryna be a fruitcake and hang out in outdoor cafes and talk girl stuff, eatin' leaves all day!'
'Hahaha!! You're such a homophobe!'
'Could care less. F*ck 'em all!'
'Hehe... aw, you men crack me up. OK, I'll take it!'

'OK, we've got pots, now we need cutlery. Let's get some cooking spoons. How about these ones here?'
'They're cool, we'll take 'em.'
'Good, I like 'em, too... done!'

'Babe - have a look at this... I really wanna buy this for you. It expresses your style.'
She looks at the pic and smiles. Then nudges him against the arm,
'So, you've got taste? I knew we vibed on the same level. It's gorgeous! I'll take two sets of it. Thanks!'
'Sure thing, babe!'

'Yeah, this one's dope right here. What else?'
Donnie scrolls on, checking things out.
'... this beer glass is cool! They call it milk cup but it's all good.'
'Yeah, this is a milk drinking country, they don't have that beer abusing mentality here.'
'Unlike Nigeria.'
'Exactly. Let's get like six for the fellas.'
'That's my girl! I knew you'd be cool if I get them over and watch the games.'
'Sure, as long as you don't mind my rom-com, ladies' night sleepover with my BFFs.'
'... Jesus.'
'Haha! You friggin' sexist!'
'Nah, it's cool. I don't mind.'
'You better not... or you're not gettin' some for some time. K,... that's about it I wanna get. You think we should also get this soup cup, too? It's called tea cup.'
'Yeah, we could make chicken soup with mushrooms.'
'... what happened with the vegan tip?'
'Damn! I forgot!'
'Haha... nah, it's cool. I'll get like 6... done!'

'Yeah... that's it!'
'Jeez, that was cool! Look at all the cool stuff we got!'
'And we'll get 'em today because we're ordering before 2pm.'
'For real? Maan - I am so gonna recommend these guys!'
'I'm sure they'd love to hear that. Ask you to leave a testimonial and that.'
'I don't mind. To get all my shopping from one place with an assurance of quality, I'm happy to help HeHe. Let's confirm the order and switch the beats.'
'What track were you thinkin' of?'
'I feel like celebrating so I wanna play New Boyz - Better With The Lights Off!'
'OK, dancefloor, here we come.'
'It's on, baby!'
They meet in the middle of the café and start steppin' to each other. Memories of the wild day off they had in the bar come back to the mind... and Pam and Donnie start to grind again... to the bemusement of pedestrians outside, smiling, looking in.

Photo credit:

- Donald Chump
Real Estate Flipper, Kigali
(Sidney's Half Brother)

- Pamela Andurrsen
Coffee Shop Owner, Kigali

Shema Luxury


This post first appeared on HeHe, please read the originial post: here

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