Start from the beginning….

Self-Pleasuring

Doing yourself regularly is the best way to understand your body. It’s how you can find all the nooks and crannies that can make you squeal with delight. And how to treat each one. Our latest eBook, Long Hot Tantric LoveMaking, details fifteen outside your jewels and ten pleasure spots inside.

Face it, you can’t depend on another person to know you and your body as well as you can. If you talk to highly Orgasmic women, you’ll find that they all have a long history of excelling at making themselves come by hand and vibe.

Women who are expert at going over the top also excel at coaching their playmates. To increase your orgasmic odds, it’s essential to diplomatically guide your lover. That starts with showing your passion with deep breathing, moving erotically, and lots of moans and shrieks. Then what’s working will be much more obvious.

With an observant partner who cares about your pleasure, should ensure you get more of what turns you on and less of what doesn’t. By the way, though it’s easier said than done, if I had a lover who wouldn’t do anything to help me come, I’d find another one.

I’m not encouraging you to transform into a sex-starved bitch who continually micro-manages what’s being done to you. Instead, be easy about it over the long haul. Ask for more of what you need and want. Give more positive feedback than negative. Use a word here and there like “harder, yum!” or “a little to the left, oh yeah!”

And let your non-verbal signals be the best teacher. If you don’t share your personal preferences, your orgasms will likely be hit and miss at best.

How To Hit The Right Spots

Though you’ve probably heard it many times, let me remind you that maybe you need more foreplay. It takes the average woman much longer to get an erection than a man.

Yes, you read that right, your jewels get erect, too.

Of course, yours is an innie and not as obvious to the untrained hand and eye as a guy’s hard-on. But much the same thing happens. Your tissues down there fill with blood, turn red, and get hotter. Your lips and the deep lobes of your Clio plump up. So instead of a boner, your erection is more like a puffy cuff.

Without a feminine erection, orgasm is a distant dream. And Jewel Union won’t feel very good either.

While it’s difficult to start jewel union with a soft male organ, you can endure penetration before your yoni gets fully engorged. But if you want to come, don’t let him enter you without being totally ready.

Then we have to consider the main act. Some studies quote that it takes a woman 20 minutes to orgasm, others say 40. Who knows, maybe you need more. Can your lover last that long?

Next, recognize that the strength of your PC muscles has a dramatic impact on how easy it will be for you to come. In fact, you may find that squeezing your pelvic floor muscles as you’re reaching a sexual peak does the trick. This is a technique female orgasm masters rave about.

Even if it lasts long enough, what happens during jewel union is critical. That’s why our latest book devotes so much attention to different strokes, different positions, different patterns, and different ways to hit your erogenous zones. If all you usually do is the missionary position, you might have better luck with doggy style. Or if your man’s stroking schemes don’t do it for you, maybe you should get on top in the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl position so you can take charge.

You can easily adjust the angle of penetration even in the old missionary position to target different sweet spots inside your yoni. Spreading your legs and wrapping them around your playmate’s butt or back will pull him in deeper. Crossing your legs or bending them on your sweetie’s chest will make entry tighter. Putting one or both legs up on your playmate’s shoulders aims shallow strokes to your G-spot and deep strokes to deeper orgasmic triggers. Putting your butt on a pillow or the edge of the bed can make it easier for him to reach all the way into your deepest pleasure zones.

This, of course, is just the tip of the iceberg about the art and science that the Kama Sutra made so popular that we cover in our new eBook.

But changing position all by itself won’t guarantee that his tool will always contact your orgasmic trigger spots the right way. If something’s not working, it will never change as long as you’re passive. That’s why you’ve got to know your body, ask for what it needs, and give lots of feedback.

The Energy Factor

I find making love more like an artistic experiment than following a proven formula. Female sexuality is a mysterious moving target. Like the tides, orgasmic energy comes and goes. You have focus on finding what’s working right now before it changes. If you’re not following the ebb and flow of your erotic charge, you’ll likely get off track quickly.

Unfortunately, guys like formulas they can follow over and over. That doesn’t work when your sexual response doesn’t follow old predictable patterns. But if you can inspire your lover to adopt an experimental approach, you can together find the strokes and rhythms that activate your orgasmic responses.

Orgasming is all about how much sexual energy you amass and concentrate. It takes this bioenergetics life-force to make you turned-on, erect, and rise to sexual peaks.

Without enough sexual energy, you won’t have enough power to go over the top. This takes time and skill to fill your “pleasure balloon.” That’s the bubble of energy that’s normally collapsed around your jewels. When your love play goes on long enough and hits the right spots, your pleasure balloon expands enough to launch you to orgasmic heights. But if it’s not very full, you won’t have the power to explode in a blaze of glory.

As a result, I suggest you devote yourself to enjoying yourself for as long as you can. If you have fun and it feels good, don’t worry about how close you get to the edge. Keep smelling the roses and enjoying the journey. I find that the longer you do this, the more turned-on you get and the more likely that the elusive explosion will find you.

Three Guidelines For Guys

Learning to delay ejaculation and last long enough was my entry pass to orgasmic sex for my partner. In addition, there are three vital guidelines that help men push women over the edge.

First, women get more excited early on with variety. Guys, keep changing what you’re doing. When a stroke or position stops producing a passionate reaction, switch to something else. In simpler terms, don’t keep jackhammering when it’s not working.

Drop your agendas, and follow where her energy leads you.

Second, when she’s getting close, trying to push her across the finish line with harder and faster pumping isn’t very reliable. Sure, that works at times but not often enough.

Instead, when her body language indicates that she’s approaching the edge, don’t change anything. Stay the course, remain present with all your attention on her, and just keep doing what you were doing that got her this close.

That definitely means don’t suddenly speed up or push harder.

Third, if she’s hovering on the precipice without letting go, you can slightly slow or soften your strokes. That makes her reach for orgasm on her own. Once she gets consumed with her climax, ride the wave with her by not changing anything.

The Anatomy Factor

Sex science has shown that 70% of women need clit stimulation to orgasm. If your clit isn’t close to the mouth of your yoni, it’s unlikely that a stroking male organ will contact it.

A recent study quoted in SheKnows determined how close a clio needs to be to get stimulated during jewel union. Researchers measured the distance from the clio to the urethral outlet at the top of the yoni’s mouth in women who could and couldn’t orgasm easily. The female research subjects had clio to the urethral outlet distance of 0.62 inches to 1.75 inches.

They found that a clio more than one inch away doesn’t get enough friction to push a woman over the top.

This fact certainly helps explain the orgasm gap of jewel union. The bad news is that only about 10% of women have a clio-yoni distance of less than one inch. If no other clio stimulation happens during jewel union, this explains why so few women orgasm while being penetrated.

The good news is that some sexual positions bridge the distant-clio gap — at least to some degree. If he moves his body up towards her head in the missionary position, his pubic area can massage her clio. In other positions, she can wrap her legs around his hips and ride her clio up and down his belly and pubic hair. When she’s on top, she can lean forward and rub her clio on his belly.

So it is possible to increase your chances of triggering female climax while your jewels are coupling. But why limit yourself when there are so many other ways to stimulate the clio? I’m talking about your fingers, his fingers, or a little vibrator that either of you can use. Our favorite is the venerable “pocket rocket.” But there are so many other choices that you can have a ball testing out.

Combining clio stimulation with jewel union creates a “hot link”. This is a nerve linkage and an energy channel between two or more erogenous zones. When you have more orgasmic energy flowing through more channels, it greatly enhances your chances of catapulting over the cliff.

The Bottom Line

In a nutshell, that’s the Tantric prescription for orgasmic sex. Take your time, enjoy yourself longer, and fill all of your pleasure circuits to the brim.

The bottom line is that the better your erotic foundation, the more turned-on you’ll get. The longer you go, the more sexual energy you’ll generate. The more energy filling your pleasure balloon, the more it will stream through your passion channels. And when these life-forces are making every nerve fire and every cell vibrate, the more easily you’ll find fireworks detonating and the earth moving.

Sure, all of this requires a learning curve. But won’t you want to keep practicing when the journey feels so good? And when the rewards are so stellar? With regular practice, you can and should come more easily and more often.

Good orgasmic luck! I look forward to your questions if there’s more I can do to help you reach your sexual potential.