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Heathen Chinee Blog Posts

The Curmudgeon · 11:40 15 Oct 2023
Voracious Heathen Chinee crustaceans are depleting the racial purity of Britain's native fauna. The mitten crab, whose Fu Manchu fingernails are insidiously cloaked in a silken covering, has… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 02:19 25 Aug 2023
It appears that the effects of the climate catastrophe have become so unsubtle as to be noticeable even by a minority of American Republicans. In a televised debate between candidates hoping… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 14:42 18 Aug 2023
Although the climate catastrophe offers extensive business opportunities, especially and coincidentally to those trying hard not to prevent it, there are apparently one or two dangers as wel… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 19:57 07 Aug 2023
A former British diplomat now working as head of public affairs at a former drug cartel has issued a standard non-apology for "any offence caused" by his implication that Global Britain migh… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 14:26 16 Jul 2023
Is there no limit to the insidous, treacherous cunning of the Heathen Chinee? A bank set up by the general secretary of the Chinese Communist Party has been found, amid the consternation of… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 16:49 19 Feb 2023
Will those Heathen Chinee never learn their proper place? After the failure of their insidious plot to balloon America into submission, the announcement of a possible peace plan for the Russ… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 16:19 02 Jan 2023
Such is the sinister cunning of the Heathen Chinee that they may not even scruple at militarising space or stealing the Great American Moon. A fundraising effort to that effect has been deli… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 18:22 18 Oct 2022
With typically subtle and insidious cunning, the Heathen Chinee are offering former RAF pilots large sums of money to train their own personnel. This fiendish Oriental perversion of the fre… Read More
Download Latest Hip … · 19:17 01 Jun 2022
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The Curmudgeon · 14:59 29 Apr 2022
Among the more endearing traits of the master race is its habit of dispensing helpful advice to the lesser breeds on how they might best overcome their moral shortcomings. The Heathen Chinee… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 20:01 11 Feb 2022
In the market of national morals, aside from the pragmatic entrepreneurialism of John Bull and the insidious subtlety of the Heathen Chinee, the cynicism of the Russian Bear surely has few r… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 14:58 05 Nov 2021
The ability of Britons to disguise their natural ugliness has been noticeably on the wane for several years, but until now the trend has for the most part been confined to the merely ethical… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 22:50 13 Oct 2021
Pragmatic moderation has joined with sensible decency at the dynamic centre of the plinth of entrepreneurial practicality with just a naughty touch of jingo, as the shadow minister for busin… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 16:57 30 Jul 2021
Doubtless to the relief of lesser breeds, Her Majesty's Government has announced that it has no immediate plans to start a war with the Heathen Chinee. The Royal Navy is leading a colonial f… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 13:44 16 Apr 2021
In the past five weeks Beijing has been hit by three major sandstorms, which have caused deterioration in the city's air quality beyond even Boris Johnson's law-busting achievements in Londo… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 20:57 12 Nov 2020
Her Majesty's most Britannic Minister for Wogs, Beads and Trinkets has dealt the Heathen Chinee a jolly old dressing-down for treating Hong Kong like a colony full of lesser breeds. The peri… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 16:46 01 Aug 2020
As Her Majesty's Government liberates the realm from the burdens of green red tape, it is only natural that the market's benevolent hand should consistently place waste incinerators among th… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 15:14 11 Apr 2020
Despite the best environmental efforts of Her Majesty's Government, foreign students continue to dilute the fiscal Britishness of our comfortably padded seats of learning. A third of univers… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 11:46 24 Aug 2019
Menopausal women are getting a teaser trailer for the epic of entrepreneurial stoicism which will soon engulf the rest of us in its passport-blue folds. There is a shortage of hormone replac… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 19:46 17 Oct 2018
Rumours are afoot among the Heathen Chinee about plans to illuminate the city of Chengdu at night by means of an artificial satellite rather than conventional streetlights. The speculation a… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 12:57 28 Aug 2017
Those Heathen Chinee, with their slanted sense of humour, have surely gone too far this time. Although the city of Houston is naturally prone to flooding, the unprecedented extent of the dam… Read More
The Curmudgeon · 19:46 29 Mar 2016
The Conservative Party's token filly for business, Anna Soubry, has pledged that the Government is determined that steel will continue to be made at Port Talbot, despite the incompetence of… Read More
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