Do or diet

Schools are back. Hurrah. Hurrah. Bloody hurrah. The holiday has been long and tough and fraught with tantrums and tears… not all my own.

I’m celebrating by starting a Diet. Actually I already started last week. I’m Banting. To those of you who haven’t lived in South Africa and been through the virtual brainwashing that is Banting, it’s known in other circles as Low Carb High Fat. Devotees get to eat no carbs of any kind (even those in certain fruits and veg) and no sugar. A small amount of dairy and even less booze. Pretty much zero fun involved. This is my third attempt each time I’ve never managed more than two weeks. The reason for this is because from after about 3 days in I spend my time in perpetual fear of collapsing on the ground weak from exhaustion. I’m told that if you stick with it your Body starts taking its energy from fat. You eventually emerge from this tormentous cocoon with more energy, better fitness and thinner. This is the Nirvana I strive for but am yet to reach

I spent this morning stumbling around the gym like a drunk on his 2nd bottle of whisky wondering why on earth I’m doing this to myself. As I leave I’m thinking of writing a blog on my diet idiocy, when I check Facebook two separate posts on body image pop up. This post was fated to be.

Body truth vs body reality

At this juncture I’d like at this point to write something inspiring about how I’ve learned to love my body not despite but because of its changes. My wobbly belly delivered me three beautiful children. My thunder thighs helped carry them. My chunky arms lifted twins around for years. The truth is I, like a lot of women are not happy with my body. I have an image of how I want to look and until I get there I’ll not sure I’ll ever be happy with the way I look…. And lets face it at 42 and after 3 kids it’s probably never going to happen.

The thing is I’m not sure what the right body is supposed to look like nowadays.

The Perfect Body

I believe society has grown away from the Kate Moss waif look. Though I still look at those skinny models and marvel at how well their skeletal bodies carry the clothes.

I think we are probably supposed to like a massive ass and huge boobs. My boobs are none existent and my ass meaty but hardly plump I’m never going to get into that camp without some serious surgery.

I hear that big is beautiful but all the plus size models I see are smaller than me.

If there is a beauty ideal today then escapes me as to what it is. So without an idol to aim for why am I still struggling so hard with body self image.

I see a lot of posts like this one that also popped up on Facebook today.

I think what we are really supposed to feel today is happiness with who we are. ‘I’m a tiger who earned my stripes’. Nowadays we are supposed to be ok with our imperfections. As long as we are the best versions of ourselves that we can be we are all good. I’m down with this… for other people. I don’t judge people on whether they are fat or thin, brown or blonde, tall or short. I accept people for who they are regardless of what they look like. Yeah that’s alright for other people but it’s not alright for me.

See I want to be thin. I’m not even sure if thin is fashionable anymore but I’ve wanted to be thin since I was 18 and I’ll not settle until I’m there. I’m on this 25 year-long mission to get back to the weight I was when I was 16 and I’m not even sure why. It’s an absolutely bonkers way to think. I should probably go for therapy. I’m certain I’m certifiable. I’m sure need a bonk on the head and a large piece of bread.

When I analyse my feelings perhaps it’s not about thin vs fat. Big boobs or small boobs. What I really want is self-acceptance at any size. I am incredibly envious of all those amazing women who have won body confidence. I’m convinced that learning to love yourself is a challenge that needs to be won. I should concentrate more on loving the skin I’m in and less on how to get through the week without donuts.

I’m not going to dash out and stock up on biscuits right now. I’m not there yet, but maybe after this blog I’ll Google how to achieve self-acceptance rather than how to make zero carb /zero sugar desserts.  So if any of you out there are feeling the post Easter fatness and considering a diet here’s what I found.

Onwards and upwards dudes.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Focus on what you have the power to change

Dress as if you’re where you want to be.

Practice self-care.

Build a support system – hang out with nice people.

Treat yourself as you do others.

The post Loving the skin I’m in – the diet diaries appeared first on The Expat Mummy.