It's already past 3AM and I have yet to prepare to sleep. I'm just not sleepy. Or maybe because my mind is very much preoccupied with so many things that I'm overthinking again.
I've been trying to blog about all these things that are bothering me but I'm also trying to stop myself from letting the whole world know how I ended up having a life that feels like a mess. But then again, I realized that I'm putting too much burden to myself. Why do I have to care about how the others may think of me when I'm such a loser to begin with?
Earlier, I was browsing my Facebook newsfeed when I stumbled on one of my friends' posts. She posted a Bible quote that reads:
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I opened my Bible to look for that verse and found this commentary:
Why are you so worried? After worrying much because we do not have money, or because we are having a hard time, or because our work is being delayed, we are ashamed at meeting simple persons who share the little they possess with others poorer than they, without feeling sad or thinking they have done something great. Liberation is the work of God throughout history, and we, shall we have enough faith to free ourselves from so many worries?
This obviously struck me. Money, work, every aspects of my life is seemed to be problematic. It's as if all my past decisions were so bad that I have to endure this present life.
I envy my friends who are around my age but are already enjoying the best of their lives. They seemed to have a good career and some of them are already settling down. I know I should stop using Facebook because it's not doing me any good but I'm still deciding if I really should deactivate it for the nth time.
Anyway, I think I'm not learning my lessons here. I've been here several times yet I still find myself at lost. I still don't know which way to go.
Shall we have enough faith to free ourselves from so many worries?
I wish I could be that Christian that have enough faith to free myself from all these worries.
I know you're there watching over me. You know all my struggles and worries. I know that you have already fixed these and that all I should do is to trust You with all my heart. To have faith in You.
I know I still have doubts. I have doubts on my capabilities to overcome these. But beyond all my strengths, help me, Lord, to entrust everything to You.