“Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope.
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. ” Psalm 119:49-50
These are words I recite back to the Lord everyday. Flashbacks of the vision I saw 12 years ago consume my daily life. Lying in bed that night, I gazed into the skylight above our bed and could only see one bright star…
“I am that bright star,” God whispered to my heart. At that moment dark
clouds came across the skylight and completely covered the star. The sky
was totally dark. “Your trials are going to be as thick as these clouds,
making it impossible to see me, BUT I AM STILL THERE.” The clouds then
rolled away and I could see the star again. He then told me, “Just as these
clouds dissipated, yours will too.”
I haven’t posted on this blog for a long time, but like I stated about my memoir…
“In my spirit, I strongly believe I am to publish Volume One, Volume Two, Volume Three, etc… Because when the healing comes, people will see how I persevered through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And God will receive much glory!”
Oh my friends, there has been much death in my life. I’m not sharing this so you can feel pity and sorrow towards me, but I have to be transparent. I have to be real. I have been stripped of so much that I held dear. I am a mere shadow of the girl I used to be on the outside. It has been a very lonely journey. Everything in my life has been shaken. Over time and only with God’s grace and wisdom, I see that whatever has remained is part of His plan for my new life. Here are some of my losses, some of the the bad and ugly facts…
- I have no career left. I was forced to quit my job 15 years ago because of my disease
- Out of sixteen years of marriage, I was only allowed the first year to travel and visit many places with my husband. THEN MY DISEASE HIT and ever since then, traveling or really doing much of anything requiring athletics (or just walking) is pretty much out of the question with the exception of a day trip. I know many people travel and do all sorts of things with their disability, but to me it’s a huge hassle
- I lost my friends.
- I lost my family.
- I don’t attend church. I don’t have fellowship, physical fellowship, with my brothers and sisters. But this is where it gets good… The Holy Spirit is the greatest teacher of all. He has certainly guided me into all truth. Over the years He has taught me much. He used the internet to impart many of His treasures to me, and all the while, has given me the best seat in the house – my computer screen! In His goodness, He has given me many dear brothers and sisters online around the world.
- There’s more, but I think you get the idea.
Even so. I remember Jesus’ words… Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. I somewhat take comfort in that. Another thing He said was to take up your cross and follow Him. Taking up your cross means dying to ourselves, dying to our attitudes, dying to any rights or entitlements we think we have or deserve. We have no rights. Every born again believer was bought with a high price and now is a slave to Jesus Christ.
But let me tell you about the Hope. Hope is the best of things we have here on earth…
” And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, HOPE. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
My Muscle disease – my tribulation – has undeniably been the means of my growth and maturity; it has greatly been used by God as one virtue was built upon another as time passed. Learning to demonstrate godly character comes through perseverance, and perseverance only comes through tribulation. Many of us wish for godly character and more hope without the tribulation, but that isn’t God’s pattern and plan.
*** A Side Note: I so clearly remember the day my husband sat me down in front of the computer (this was many years ago and I was pretty much computer illiterate). He set me up with a new blog on Blogger and asked me what I wanted to call it. Without hesitation, “Name it PERSEVERE,” I said. Well, we all know that God is amazing. Let me show you what He’s done. Here’s a screenshot of where the visitors of this blog come from…
No matter how hopeless your situation may appear…it may look like there is no way you’re going to make it…you’re situation may be screaming at you to give up…there’s no logical sense to be made. Your future may look bleak and barren because your present is so bitter. I understand what it’s like to feel like you’ve had the wind knocked out of you. I understand what it’s like to be depressed. I understand what it feels like when life seems awful and hopeless. Then Look up! Change begins with making a choice; if you trust God to reshape you, and get rid of the things holding you back, you’ll discover that He will use the very thing getting under your skin to move you from the ordinary to the extraordinary!