My life is in shambles. I can't keep a girlfriend, maintain a job, or even get along with a group of friends. All i do is take, take, take, that's what they say, and it's come to the point i don't, and neither do they, have the willpower to keep on going. It's just not worth it anymore.
And just now, i ordered food. Silly me forgets to put on the ringtone, even though i raise the volume, Thinking to myself that it was going to either ring or the delivery guy would ring the bell. So some guy begins to yell outside, and of course, a normal person would look outside and see who needs help. I turn a blind eye, thinking that it can't be for me, but ITS FOR ME.
Of course, i proceed by being slightly stingy about what happened, and end up only giving the fair amount, during a ripe moment to practice generosity.
TL;DR i keep fumbling over my mistakes, seem to always cause problems at the most random moments, and just can't quite get a grip and go along with things.
I want to give it all up, and start anew, but not over the sorry excuse of not being able to ever handle myself, and deal with life as it comes. I'm full of myself, full of conceit, and i want to learn how to do better, and how to give, but its always just me, me, me.
I feel like renouncing would just be another way of doing "me" again.
from Buddhism https://ift.tt/2CZLNz4