Every Marriage has its problems, which can arise at any time. The important thing is to learn to deal gently and before they destroy the relationship. Here are the best tips and advice for a happy and lasting marriage.
How to have a happy marriage: the best tips and advice
Whether you are an older couple or newly married, there are basic rules to follow. It is not always easy to put into practice, but it is important to do so. If you respect them, your wedding will be even stronger and even more you appreciate the good sides of life together - fun, sex, trust, affection.
1. Find the balance in love.
Boredom, frustration and daily irritations can extinguish the flame between you and it is not by multiplying the raviverez you. By cons, you will succeed if you focus on the positives of your relationship. Here's how:
It takes an average of twenty positive remarks to offset the harm resulting from a single negative comment, hard look or a "um" impatient. Therefore, reinforce the positive and moderate the negative. Compliment your wife for her new shoes, your husband for his new blue shirt. Thank him for his participation in housework. Call her to his office to tell him that you think about it (especially avoid discussing chores or bad grades children).
Make sure your compliments and thanks are sincere and specific: "I know I can always count on you for that my car is safe and in perfect working order." "This table is very pretty. You find always a way to make our home a nice place. "Look your partner in the eyes when you smile or compliment him. Accompany a tender gesture of a happy little sigh.
When we adopt this attitude, we realize that, in addition to how to irritate their partner, we know how to please him. After all, that is how the relationship started. We also discover that it is still time to express his affection. When you return in the evening, tighten your arms and kiss the bear know you are happy to see him. Rainy Sunday morning, surprise her by bringing her coffee in bed (and stay to talk with her). Appreciate his qualities and ignore its flaws. To let him know how happy you are to be with her, use her your best smile when you wear the recycling bin on the curb. Resolve to kiss you long every night before going to bed You make lots of little things for your children; why not for your spouse?
2. Touch Each other
Touch helps release endorphins "pure happiness" in the giver as to the receiver. Walk arm in arm on the way to the grocery store. When you kiss the morning caress her cheek with his fingertips. Relive those small gestures of your first moments together: little kiss behind the ear, went hand in hair, etc. Touch is a complex language and you win to build your vocabulary.
Over time, these small physical gestures will cement your love. But a united couple can wipe all storms (and more easily avoid infidelity). To strengthen this relationship, not start supporting your soulmate. When external conflicts arise, wherever possible take advantage for him or her. Keep secrets for you even if your colleagues are spreading confidences. Except in an emergency, do not let anyone interrupt the moments you spend together. This is what used to voicemail and the latch of the bedroom.
Also, resolve to spend 30 minutes a day together to talk about things of everyday life, your goals and your dreams; avoid discussing domestic chores or ask about the meaning of your relationship. See this half hour as a time to consolidate your friendship. Study results indicate that the friendly ties reinforce the love and sexual union. Make time for intimacy, even include them in your calendar. What? Plan sex? If necessary, certainly. Spontaneity is good, but if you need affection or physical love, do not wait for the ideal moment arises.
Do not wait any more than the opportunity arises to celebrate your successes. Super Bowl winners, champions of the World Series, gold medal winners all have one thing in common: when they win, they party. Even small victories are worth noting. If your marriage is going well, this is in itself a reason to celebrate. Go out to dinner where you made your marriage proposal or planning a trip off-season in Paris. You've earned it.
3. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect.
It is sometimes tempting to focus his spouse responsibility feelings of anger, disappointment, boredom or stress we experience vis-à-vis his marriage. From there to think that to improve your relationship, it is he who has to change, it is only a step.
It is a mistake. When you try to change a spouse, it is put on the defensive and we find ourselves in the role of the detestable character. The result: neither changes nor takes responsibility for his actions, and both are unhappy. Besides, turning your spouse ugly, you know everything there is good in him and that is the essence of the person.
The solution is to change yourself. When one recognizes his own faults and pays attention to the qualities of the other, the magic appears. Optimism returns. The partner what feels better because he knows more appreciated and less criticized. And both members of the couple found the motivation to change so as to give rise to even more joy.
Something that might help you to think that way: adopt Japanese philosophy of wabi sabi, that is to say the acceptance of imperfection. The next time your spouse does something that displeases you, take a deep breath and repeat quietly wabi sabi by saying that his intentions are good even if he does it wrong. Know also recognize its qualities and name, for example: "My wife is caring" or "my husband of humor." And associate with that statement a specific example: "She removed the snow on my windshield last week" or "when I am sad, he can make me laugh."
Finally, make peace with your imperfections. We sometimes assumes no responsibility for what val wrong in the couple. At high doses, guilt paralyzes. Know your qualities, name them and illustrate them with examples: "I am loving and kind; Yesterday, I gave up the last biscuit to let my wife "" I'm honest. I tell her what I really think. "
4. Put some of the enthusiasm.
Here is the classic advice that experts give to singles looking for the ideal partner, yourself are the ideal partner and the one you want will come to you. It's the same for marriage. Happier you are, the more your wedding will be and the better you'll manage conflicts. If 15 minutes of morning yoga, the switch to decaf or a new hobby make you feel good, it will reflect on your relationship, which will be all the richer and happier.
Meanwhile, admit it: once you take care of your hair and were still looking for the article of the sexiest lingerie city, but today you simply stained tracksuit and an old deformed shirt. It is time to revamp just your appearance. Paint your mane, brush your teeth and put on a new dress. You will like what you see in the mirror, your eyes shine more in your eyes and ignite your husband. You know what you have to do next!
5. Be loyal to your disputes.
In a marriage, conflict is normal and even healthy. This is the way to manage that account. In a study conducted in Florida, 70% of longtime couples who were satisfied with their relationship felt that joint problem solving was a key factor; only 33% of dissatisfied couples mastered this approach. With the right attitude and the right tools, conflict set the stage for greater privacy: the opportunity to be seen and loved for what one is, to accept, in all its beauty, vulnerability spouse and strengthen the bonds of marriage, out of resentment and despair.
Above all, avoid criticism, confrontation and animosity, which act as gas on the fire. Having followed 79 couples for over 10 years, the California University researchers found that those who divorced earlier fought long and loudly and were always ready to go on the attack or to defend. However, the happy couples avoided the criticism, climbing and words such as "never" and "always."
If a dispute arises, try to change the subject, to inject a dose of humor to show sympathy or show your spouse that you appreciate. If it is a waste, get you a moment to calm down.
6. Choose the right time and the right place.
Avoid difficult topics when you are tired or hungry, situations that can lead to unpleasant or black thoughts remarks. For the same reason, do not take alcohol during an argument. Book it rather to celebrate the return of peace.
Never discuss your marital problems if you are busy with something else. Turn off the TV or the computer, hang up the phone and close your magazine. If you are distracted or have to go out, pick another time to discuss. We can resolve conflict while doing something else.
Also keep in mind that the way you handle these situations does not touch you. If the discussion could go wrong, put an end to it and resume it when the kids are not around. When they are, stay respectful and effective. It has been shown in studies that children thrive and develop good interpersonal skills when parents solve problems constructively. Conversely, the shouting and cries of helplessness cause either of insecurity and behavioral disorders.
7. Open your ears.
The best thing you can do to strengthen your relationship is to talk less and listen more. Reproaches, insults, criticism and bullying can only lead to rupture or, at least, to a hellish life. When conservation takes the form of a battle, leave the possibility your partner to express his feelings. There will be time to propose a solution or defend you. Nod your head, rephrase one of his sentences or report him simply with a "yes-yes" delicate that you recognize the emotions behind his words. Sometimes all you need to get closer to the other is to pay attention to what he really has to say.
for more advice visit ===>www.datingadviceexperts.com