Hearing about Jay's health has been really hard for me.  

I've reached out on social media, but we're not connected so he may not see it.  Today I mailed off letters to him and his partner sending my love and thanking him for the memories we made together.  Jay Loved fully - a very full feeling love.  I can only imagine how much his partner will miss that loss, and I wanted her to know I knew a small amount of what she was losing.

Because while there is always the hope of medical miracles, this really isn't something that's survived. 

I like to think that Jay's taking it in stride, but in the last photo of them that was posted I see such sadness and tears in his eyes. Which breaks my heart all over again.

At work yesterday I asked a Coworker about their dog.  They had mentioned last week that their dog wasn't feeling well and had some masses in their belly.  They hoped it had just eaten something bad/silly.

So I asked how the dog was doing.  "She died," responded my co-worker.  And I started crying.

Now, yes, the death of a loved animal is a sad thing but I don't know this co-worker very well(they started with us a month ago) and I've never even seen a photo of the dog, and I knew in my heart that my tears were about Jay and death and death taking away beings that we loved.

I think I surprised my co-worker with my sudden emotion.  We hugged.  I didn't explain myself, no need.

But right now I am feeling so raw and vulnerable.  When thoughts of Jay spring into my mind I can't hold back the tears.  And that's ok.  I loved him.  We had some good times together.  He is dying.  Tears are natural.

And loss hurts.  Always.