"Hindsight is 20-20" is a saying most of us know.... the idea that you can see so clearly when you're looking back on something in a way that you weren't able to see at the time.  Which brings me to my current hindsight.

I was going to Write a post about a Chinese medicine herb (and actually I'll write myself a note right now to get back to that) and I was trying to remember how long ago I'd first started taking it.  I knew it was from my first ever acupuncturist and I remember I'd not been before a certain boyfriend who'd trained in it (he was an interesting fellow, I assume he still is) so I wanted to see what year I'd dated him but I couldn't remember the blog-nickname I'd given him.

I knew we'd gone Camping, and it reminded me of an incident that had happened when we were camping that I don't know I ever wrote about (it made me really uncomfortable, will make a note to talk about that one too) so I searched the blog for "camping" and scrolled back before my first Burning Man trip and then I found the posts about the ex ("Smith") and started to read through some of them and I got completely distracted and forgot what I'd been searching for and why.

But man, reading over those posts about Smith (I only went through a few, one funny memory I'd completely forgotten and the rest about my uncertainty and then upset) I can easily look back from here and see it wasn't going to work out.

Now that's not really fair to myself (or to him I suppose) as you don't really know these things in advance.  I think it's important to try, and to give chances, but I wonder about the initial doubts I had and the fact that I ignored them.  Is that a good thing?  Yes?  But could also be argued that it is not and that one should always trust the gut.... I don't know.   Do I regret the relationship now?  Not particularly.  I probably regretted the pain and hurt and distress at the time.  

It's easy though to look back and see it all knowing how it turned out and say I KNEW IT!  Because of course I didn't know it.... I had hope.

I also seemed a lot happier and lighter and that made me a little sad.  I mean this was 2007 or so, a decade and a half ago.  But I'm sure that me is still in here.  The audience may not be, but hey that's ok... I changed, my writing changed, and really.... the internet changed.  Oh, and I stopped dating!  Or I dated a lot less.  And since Jason?  No, wait, since Max?  I haven't.  I didn't really pay attention to when my readership Dropped off, or more importantly when the commenting dropped off, but it did and that's ok, but does bum me out.  I'm sure there are many reasons for that.  As I've admitted myself, once I moved to other social media, my blog reading really dropped off.  I still read a few now and then but I hesitate to comment and I'm not sure why.

I guess I'm just saying that nothing is as simple as one thing or one reason or one factor.  Things are complicated and humans are evolving and life is life-y.

But yeah, I do hope that one day I end up starting to write about a romantic relationship that never ends, you know?