Relationships With a Narcissist appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise
Relationships with a narcissist are a one way street, with all roads leading back to them. A narcissist has a huge ego that needs to be inflated constantly, often at your expense. You will always be below your narcissist partner in a relationship because they will always believe they are above you and everyone else.
When it comes to rules, a narcissist will believe that the rules of society and of relationships do not apply to them. Everyone else must follow the rules, but not them. They always have an excuse, and they never feel guilt or remorse. It will be very difficult, if not impossible, to have a relationship with healthy boundaries because a narcissist will constantly and continually break them.
They are inconsiderate, lack empathy, and again, show no guilt or remorse for their actions or words. Their promises mean nothing, and they will constantly blame you or others when they break them. It is never their fault. Your feelings, and anyone else’s, are not their concern. Neither is your property and your possessions. They will borrow your new garden tools and either never return them or leave them out in the rain to rot.
Your thoughts and opinions don’t really count either. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist it will be hard to have an actual conversation with them. They will constantly try to turn the conversations back to their favorite subject, which of course is them. You are there to listen to them talk, yet they are uninterested in anything you have to say. When you try to express yourself they will shut you down and pull the conversation right back to where they want it.
A narcissist won’t ask you what you think about what they are saying to you. What they are saying to you is how they want you to think. Narcissists want everything on the outside to project themselves at a higher level than they are actually at. They will often embellish, quite heavily, details about their education, intelligence, accomplishments, background and social status. They do this because they want everyone to see just how wonderful and above them they are.
With this also comes a sense of entitlement that narcissists are famous for. People in relationships with a narcissist will feel like a servant that must jump to meet the needs and desires of the narcissist. Their wants and needs must be tended to immediately. Your thoughts and needs are your own problem, not theirs. Forget about being appreciated or being thanked for tending so well to their wants and needs because you will never get it.
A narcissist will expect you to tolerate their constant criticism and negative talk and behavior towards you. They will want to keep you insecure by making you feel as though you are always a disappointment to them. They do this in an effort to make you chase the carrot of approval from them that you will never catch. This method also keeps you constantly trying to please them to prove yourself worthy of them, which you won’t ever be able to do.
Keep in mind they have no problem dishing out criticism to you and others, but won’t tolerate one iota of it thrown back at them. If you or anyone tries, expect a temper tantrum that will rival any three-year old’s. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist please understand that you will be the only one required to make sacrifices. If you don’t make these sacrifices then they will let you know what a bad person you are, and how you don’t give enough to the relationship, and don’t know how to show love. Never mind that they don’t give anything to the relationship or show love to you. Again, that doesn’t matter.
The only things that matter are for them, not you. Narcissists often do not show their true colors right form the get go. In the early stages of a relationship they can seem very attentive, kind, and charming. But again, this isn’t about you. It is, to them, about getting you. They are doing it for them. Once they have you, they most likely will lose the interest they showed in you because they got what they wanted. They will either move on to another person, or begin to train you to accept the kind of one-sided relationship that they seek.
If you are in a relationship with a true narcissist, you need to understand that you are fighting a losing battle. They are not going to change. The kind of relationship they will have with you will never change. It will be up to you to accept that they are not the right person for you and for you to move forward without them.
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