Shortly before Christmas, I visit my aunt and uncle with my family to exchange Christmas presents.
My aunt and uncle have three daughters. The oldest is 24. She got married this year, her and her husband own their own home, and have just bought a puppy. The middle one is 21. She’s been going out with her boyfriend for 2 years and they have just had an offer on a flat accepted. The youngest is 14, and at this rate she’s going to get a boyfriend before I do. My parents got together in their second year of university and married at 23. My aunt and uncle got together in sixth form, and married at 22.
I log onto my laptop and check my OKCupid inbox. Mostly weird messages. I reply to the few who seem relatively normal and don’t have any immediate dealbreakers, even if they’re not someone I would have messaged first. I pick up my phone, and continue with my current Tinder message threads. The same questions over and over. Where do you live? Where do you work? What do you do? Some guys are downright weirdos. Some guys are nice enough, but a bit chavvy. But it hits me. There’s no-one on there that I really want to meet. I struggle to find the motivation to reply to the messages, let alone go on dates.
“Give it a break for a while”, my mother advises.
But what choice do I have? There aren’t any guys that are my type in my social circle. The last time I started liking a new guy was on my 22nd birthday.
I’m now 24. And next year, I’m going to be 25. No longer the little 22/ 23 year old I was when I started this blog. 25. The last year I can get discounted train fare. The last year I can audition as a “Girl” rather than an “Over” if I suddenly develop a singing talent and decide to audition for The X Factor. The year all the “young person” activities aimed at 16-24 year olds become unavailable to me. And the only boyfriend I’ve had bailed less than 2 weeks after the relationship became official. And sexual experience? Let’s not even go there.
Don’t get me wrong. I could easily get sex if I wanted to. But I don’t want sex. I want love. I could date someone I don’t like that much for the relationship experience. But I know I wouldn’t be able to go through with the sex.
I’m at the age where I’m starting to think, perhaps there’s something wrong with me? I’ve been described as “hot” before. So maybe it’s my personality. My friends say I’m “kind”. But no-one’s really attracted to kindness are they? They also say I’m “funny”. Funny men are considered a catch. David Walliams and Seth Rogan date supermodels. But funny women? Not so much. Rebel Wilson and Melissa McCarthy don’t quite have the same appeal.
Dating fatigue. Marathon Runners describe hitting a “wall” at some point during the marathon where they feel like they can’t go on. I feel that way about dating right now. I feel like I’m going on the same date over and over and over. I should probably create a stock “I had a great time but didn’t feel any chemistry” text to save myself time. Countless matches, countless conversations, countless dates. But they’re all just so uninspiring. Sometimes I fantasise about London being the next ISIS target and being gunned down by a jihadist on the way to work and being put out of my misery. I hope the papers play up my charity work and make me about to me some kind of blonde version of Mother Teresa. Maybe I’ll be like Plato, and this blog will achieve fame in my death.
But unlike marathon runners, there’s no clear end goal. I just have to keep running and running, hoping things will work out for the best.
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This post first appeared on Lara Loveless | UK Dating Blog | The Life And Love, please read the originial post: here