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Love Lessons Learned In 2015

It feels like only yesterday I was dancing around in a red wig after consuming a whole bottle of champagne, then proceeding the spend the rest of the evening throwing up and being put to bed. But that eventful new year’s eve was now a year (and three days!) ago, and 2016 has officially begun. Although my single status is yet to change, 2015 was an eventful year to say the least, and there were plenty of life and Love Lessons Learned along the way.

1. Women Are Shallow Too

I used to think I went for personality more than looks. If you lined up every guy I’ve ever fancied, there’s quite a variety in terms of looks, and you definitely couldn’t describe all of them as good looking, but they all have similar personalities. Confident, sociable, the kind of guy you’d go on a night out with and he’d know half the people there. But looking at the two I fell madly enough with, and just what I find attractive when meeting new guys, I think I’ve got a bit of a looks type going on too. And it looks a bit like this:

(Image courtesy of People Magazine)

I’m about the same build as Taylor. Take particular note of the height difference even in those platforms. Also, look who’s leading and who’s following.

Anyhow, the point is looks matter for women too. I’ve met guys who were exactly my type personality-wise, but were about the same height as me so not physically attractive to me. Even when I gave things a go, I never really felt any physical desire for them, and I think if I was in a Relationship with them there would always be a piece of the puzzle missing. You need someone who is the full package.

2. Don’t Go For People Who Are Taken

The Rules Revisited sums up The Foreign Flirt situation pretty well (if only I had discovered that site sooner):

Judging from the e-mails I get, it is fairly common for men in marriages to profess their Love to a mistress, but simultaneously claim that their hands are tied: “I would do anything for you, you know that – but I have a family; I can’t just leave them.” Getting involved with married men is a bad idea for many reasons, but this is an important one. He can continue to have the benefits of a secret relationship, always blaming his lack of intimacy on the fact that he is married and has and family, when the truth is that he wouldn’t enter a serious relationship with you even if he were single. More commonly, a guy with a girlfriend might flirt with you and get your hopes up, when the reality is that he wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend even if he were single; and it is precisely the knowledge that he can’t be your boyfriend that gives him the liberty to engage in flirting with you.

If you’re both out, you’re drunk, I think it’s fine to get with them, but in those kind of scenarios it’s best not to pursue it. From my own experience, the situations I can think of where someone left one partner for another, it happened straight away. If that’s not the case, you will likely end up disappointed even if the object of your affections were to become single.

3. There’s Never A Good Time

When I was at university, I was told that university wasn’t the place to have a relationship. After I graduated, I was about to go to Africa. When I was in Africa, I was only there for 5 months then I’d have to leave. When I came back, my main focus was looking for a job. When I got a job, I was working 12 hours a day due to the commute and didn’t really have time to date. But when I moved to London, I spent all my free time at the gym, blogging, or learning Swahili so I dated less than ever.

The truth is, there’s never a good time to look for a relationship, and there will always be outside circumstances working against you. So stop making excuses and put yourself out there.

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Let Go

Now that’s not to say you should let a petty squabble ruin an otherwise good relationship. But if someone’s treating you unfairly, the best policy is to let them go. Whether that’s a love interest who’s Just Not That Into You, a friend who’s creating unnecessary drama, or even a job that’s sucking the life out of you, sometimes it’s best to just cut your losses and move on.

5. “Giving Things A Go” Doesn’t Work

I got this comment on my “Dating Fatigue” post:

My wife never fancied me when we first met…or for the following 5 years. She also made a big point of the fact that her partner needed to be taller than her – she’s 5’10. Well I’m 5’9 and it’s never been close to an issue. She didn’t ‘settle’ for me. When I made it known that I fancied her, she opened herself up to the possibility of something and we started seeing a lot of each other. We’ve been together 7 years now and have a daughter.

This wouldn’t work for me. Whenever I’ve “given things a go with someone”, whether that me a tentative second online date, or someone IRL who’s taken a liking to me, I never end up fancying them. My future husband would have to be someone I really wanted and got. And I wouldn’t settle for anything less.

So here’s to seeing what 2016 has in store…

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This post first appeared on Lara Loveless | UK Dating Blog | The Life And Love, please read the originial post: here

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Love Lessons Learned In 2015


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