So my plan to self-improve during my dating hiatus didn’t exactly go to plan. I was ill with various illnesses for over a month, so had to cancel the majority of my planned gym classes. I was also off sick from work for over a week, so I don’t think my career prospects have particularly improved either. However, I did get some actual useful feedback from a friend I made from Bumble BFF. I was saying how I’d been disappeared on a few times by girls from the app, and joked about how I’m scaring them off.
“You come across as quiet at first…” she explained.
I was a bit taken aback as I don’t see myself as a particularly quiet person. I mean, I write an opinionated dating blog and travel alone to meet new people. But sometimes people come across as different to how they are. Like how some people are dickheads but come across as nice. I was talking to one of my flatmates, and she said she prefers drinks dates as she needs alcohol to relax, and would need to be drunk to talk to a guy at a party. I usually opt for diet coke on dates and happily talk to strangers in any situation. But she comes across as very outgoing, which I suppose is why she has a boyfriend and loads of close female friends, and I don’t.
So as I established that it’s my personality that’s the problem, I can save a fortune in plastic surgery, and I decided to get back out there while working on my personality.
So I set Tinder to a 5 mile radius, redid my bio, and started swiping, carefully trying to screen out the weirdos. Matched with one guy who was 6’8″. Nice. Even if he’s done the standard male exaggerating by a few inches, I could still wear heels. Hit him up with my standard seal GIF, and we were soon exchanging long messages.
I came down with a chest infection so bad that I had to go home for a week, but we agreed to meet when I came back.
Shot him a message when I got back to London, and got this reply:
Hi Lara. Everything is good thanks, glad to hear you’re on the mend! I’m afraid I won’t be able to meet up now, I’ve started seeing someone. Sorry!
Typical. Every guy I’ve been seeing has gone off with someone else under the rationalization that we weren’t going out. However this guy is now exclusive after one Tinder date. (OK, it may have been someone he knew before, but bear with me here…)
Went back to Tinder. Loads of conversations. No dates. Was swiping away in bed one Saturday morning and got chatting to one guy. 35, described himself as tall and into crossfit. Seemed interesting. Asked if I wanted to meet up for brunch at 11. I liked the direct approach, so I agreed.
Had a closer look at his profile, and he’d claimed to like “intense, passionate, imaginative sex”. Oh dear, possible red flag? Or maybe he’s just an oversharer.
It was boiling hot, so I wore a black midi dress I’d been wanting to wear for ages. As I walked into the cafe, I felt a bit like being on holiday in Spain. He was already there, and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.
We ordered avocado and eggs on toast, and made conversation. Wasn’t mentioned on his bio but he was actually Australian, and I liked the accent. We’re both into travel so we talked about Thailand a lot. He was a good conversationalist, which is rare to find on a dating app, as most guys on there tend to be a bit socially weird. So much so that I struggled to get a word in edgeways. I tried to speak up to avoid coming across as quiet, but then I got the impression he wanted to take the lead and me to shut the fuck up.
We finished eating quite quickly, so when he suggested going to a bar down the road I agreed. Had a couple of relatively reasonably priced cocktails. Conversation was still going well, although he did admit to using 3nder which could be another red flag (in all fairness though he said he hadn’t met anyone from the app).
He kissed me on the way back to the station. He then asked if I wanted to get a cab back to his. I said I don’t really do that kind of thing, but he seemed OK with it and suggested meeting up again. I wasn’t sure how much I really liked him, but could definitely be my type was willing to give things a go. And I mean come on, a guy’s always going to try.
I texted him when I got home saying I had a good time, and he responded saying thanks for the lovely conversation, and that he’s a “very non-judgemental guy”. I joked that it’s usually the people who claim to be non-judgemental that are the most judgemental. We joked around for a bit, then he was like:
“Anyway, that’s boring. What do you like sexually? You strike me as someone who likes a dominant guy.”
I told him I don’t do the casual sex thing, but I like dominant guys in general. He then proceeded to send me some rather… strange texts. Something about “pushing boundaries”. I got the impression he was some kind of wannabe Christian Grey. I had to tell him I don’t like having my boundaries pushed and I only sleep with boyfriends. He seemed fine about it, but I think I may have scared him off. Oops. But come on. He was 35. The whole point of dating older guys is to GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS WITH THEM.
Despaired over what is wrong with the modern dating world. Tried to cheer myself up by reminding myself that there are 6’8″ guys out there that go exclusive after one Tinder date.
The problem is… they go exclusive for someone else.
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This post first appeared on Lara Loveless | UK Dating Blog | The Life And Love, please read the originial post: here