Hello I was hoping to reach out to you in regards to some exciting new ideas I have. I have been wanting to branch out for a long time in regards to my own life. I want to be fully responsible for myself only…I no longer want to depend on anyone for anything. I understand that this is near impossible in this day and age. It is pretty impossible to be completely self-sufficient. Especially if you have grown up in the modern world, as I did. I do think I could do it, breakaway from it all and “live off the grid” as they say. I could do it for as long as I would deem it necessary. It’s not as if I dislike other people, well no more than anyone else does… I think deep down we all actually hate everyone. I think this is fine because it’s mutual and luckily humans seem to be capable of loving those whom we hate. Not to mention that we have evolved enough as a society that we are all very good at pretending that we don’t in fact hate each other…but I digress.
I would like the opportunity to not have to make it work anymore. I would just like to mealy exist for a little while. I want to go about my day and not have any thought or worry as to if I am doing enough for others, pissing others off, working hard enough for others so they pay me. Our lives, wellbeing and survival are so incredibly contingent upon our relationships with others. There are so many people that claim that they are in control of their own lives, destiny or whatever they call it. But that is simple not true. Everything we do, everyday has either something to do with someone else, or it’s Dictated by someone else. Even when we think we are doing something of our own free will, that’s actually not the case. When you wake up on your day off and feel like you have the Freedom to plan you day, you don’t because your plans are already being dictated by the fact that you only have that time of freedom because you spend the rest of your time at your job or school or other places you “have” to be. We are never fully free, or I’m not at least. I never have the luxury of purely existing.
So what I am asking is a break, a break from reality, responsibility and basically from being a human. I would like my actions to not matter to anyone and I would like to not have others actions affect me. I want to know how it feels to have nothing pulling or pushing my life. What would happen? Who would I be if there was no reason to be or do anything? Would that be the ultimate form of peace, or would I go crazy, lacking purpose? Whatever the outcome may be I’d like to try, at least just for a moment. I would like a tiny snippet in time where I essentially do not exist in society, only in physical form, to do nothing but just be me, whoever that may be.
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