Problem: You’re talking to a new girl, and you don’t want her to think you’re too available (and therefore desperate.)
Solution: You take a long time to respond to all types of communication.
Artificially waiting to reply only encourages the same kind of behavior from women. It makes you look like you’re not that interested. And they aren’t excited to go on a date with you because you haven’t created a strong enough connection.
In turn, women delay messaging you back because they don’t want put themselves out there to someone who’s not that into them.
This all results in frustrating, dead-end conversations. And no dates.
If you get a message from your friends, do you even think twice about replying? Of course not. So why should texting women be any different? It shouldn’t be. And pretending to be too busy to respond shows how much you’re seeking approval.
If you’re having engaging conversation (which is a different topic in itself), a woman isn’t going to be turned off by you responding to her in a timely fashion
So, to return to our original problem — you may be too available with women, but not in the ways that you think. It has to do more with how you prioritize a woman you barely know and how much you value your time.
1. Suggesting more than one day at a time to meet up
Things are going great with a girl you’re texting. She seems interested and now you’re ready to invite her out. You want to make it as easy as possible for her to say yes. So naturally you believe the best course of action is to give her multiple days when you would be down to hang out.
Then you’re surprised when she doesn’t pick any of them. She tells you she’s not sure of her schedule, she might be busy this week, and that’ll she get back to you.
All you’re showing her is that you’ve got nothing going on and you’ll work your schedule around her. A woman wants a guy who’s social, has hobbies, and does things for himself. She wants to feel like she’s winning you over and that you’re not just desperately prioritizing a girl you barely know.
By choosing one specific day, you’re showing her that your time is valuable and that she has to invest in you, too. If that time doesn’t work for her, she can always suggest a better day when she’s more available.
Either way, she has to meet you halfway.
2. Leaving plans too open-ended
Sometimes you don’t want to seem too pushy or desperate when making plans, so you leave things open-ended to seem aloof. Rather than making a concrete suggestion, guys say, “Cool, well just let me know when you’re free to grab a drink.” or “Let me know whenever works for you.”
By doing this, you’re reinforcing that you have no life outside of her and that you will be available whenever she wants. And you’re making her take charge of contacting you to plan a meetup. Women don’t usually prefer to do that — they want a guy who confidently leads with what he wants.
So make solid plans and be willing to give another day you’re around if that time doesn’t work for her. That’s not desperate; that’s being a man who doesn’t want to waste his time.
3. Giving out your phone number without getting hers
Maybe you met a girl when you were out and had the courage to ask for her number. But then she hesitated and said, “How about you give me yours and I’ll text you?” It’s not what you wanted to hear…but it’s better than nothing, right?
So you gave her your number and now you’ve been waiting…and waiting…and waiting. Days go by, you hear nothing from her, and you’re wondering why she even took your number in the first place.
Many times when a girl responds by asking for your number, it’s because she’s on the fence about you. What ends up happening is that by the time she gets home, she’s out of the moment. She doesn’t feel those same emotions that made her consider meeting up with a new guy. It’s easier to talk herself out of messaging you because that requires vulnerability and can make her anxious.
In fact, I’ve rarely ever seen a girl take a guy’s number and actually message him. Women just don’t do it.
If you’re in a situation where a girl asks for your number, lightheartedly assert your boundaries that you wants hers, too. “Please, I’ve heard that before. Let’s exchange numbers and if you decide you don’t want to talk, just ignore my text. I’ll only be heartbroken, no big deal.” or “That’s no fun! I wanna text you something that’ll make you laugh your ass off when you least expect it.”
4. Saying you’ll cancel on plans or other friends to hang out with her
Sometimes, a woman’s schedule and yours for the week aren’t going to align. You’re both busy people with work, responsibilities, and social activities. You have to accept that.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen a guy tell a girl way too many times, “Well, I had plans to go rock climbing with my friend but I’ll just cancel.” Right there you’re showing her how you’d ditch your friends and do anything to be with her. This can come off intense and needy to a girl who’s never met you or spent little time with you.
A confident guy cares deeply about his existing friendships and standing by his word. He’s willing to risk losing a girl he doesn’t even know because she’s not the most important thing in his life at that point. If she doesn’t understand that or isn’t willing to stick around for a couple days, then he knows it wasn’t worth his time in the first place.
When a girl is truly interested in a guy, she’ll be willing to wait to make plans for the next week. She’s not going to give up an opportunity to see a guy she likes.
5. Telling her you’ve got nothing going on
When a girl asks you what your plans are, saying “nothing really” or “nm, pretty bored” are the worst responses ever. Why would she want to be with a guy doesn’t do anything.
Anything else is a better response. You’re always doing something. Even if it’s something mundane, you can always make it sound more exciting. “Trying to change the world with this new project I’m working on.” You don’t have to say that you’re sitting around in your boxers developing a new iOS app.
You could even sidestep the question and be playful with her. “Thinking about making the most epic grilled cheese. I might share some if you ask nicely.” You don’t have to literally state what you’re physically doing. It could be thoughts, ideas, or reminiscing about something.
This leads to the bigger topic that you shouldn’t have to say “nothing” or feel like you need to lie. If you’re always sitting around binging on Netflix, maybe you should be trying to cultivate fulfilling experiences and connections more often. Work out, go out, hang with friends, pursue a hobby, take a class, or create something. Then you’ll naturally always have a good answer to “what are you up to?”
Stop pretending like you’re too busy and instead actually be busy. Put your own fulfillment and growth first. Then you’ll naturally give women the appropriate amount of time when you have it.