People-pleasers put the needs of others above their own. When you do this, you are affirming that you are less than and not as important as others. You will most likely find that very few of the people that you are trying to please will show you Respect. They will probably take advantage of your “niceness.” People-pleasing is based on fears of abandonment, rejection, and unworthiness.
Balance in life is the key – balancing our needs and feelings with the needs and feelings or others. What is healthy is mutual respect and consideration.
Below are 15 signs of people-pleasing:
1. You have a hard time saying “no” to others and say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
2. You believe you will be accepted and Loved when you do things for others.
3. You fear others getting angry if you don’t do what they want or ask.
4. You want to please strangers but may neglect loved ones.
5. While you like helping others, you are uncomfortable asking or receiving help yourself.
6. You don’t like to voice your Opinion and go along with others to avoid upsetting them.
7. Other people’s opinion of you is very important and you want them to like you.
8. You have a tendency to give too much (time, money, etc.) to others even when detrimental to yourself.
9. You find yourself taking on too much responsibility for other people’s happiness and well-being.
10. You frequently apologize to others; sometimes without even knowing what for.
11. You fear letting people down and feel guilty if you believe you have “failed” them.
12. You believe you owe other people explanations for your actions.
13. You feel taken advantage of.
14. You avoid conflicts or confrontations.
15. You work very hard for praise and compliments.
The results of people pleasing can include self-neglect, resentments, depression, and stress.
Here are some great quotes that may help you break this “habit:”
“If you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection.”
“I rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I’m not.”
“Don’t worry about other people’s opinion of you. God never told you to impress people; only to love them.”
You may also find helpful our blog articles “How to Love Yourself” and “What to do When You Think You Are Not Good Enough.”
Written by Mylene C. Hallaran, MS, LPC. Visit us at www.lifeworkscounseling.org for a free offer!