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The Unglamorous Side of Motherhood

... As if there actually were a glamorous side to it. Bahhahahahahaaaa

David showed me this picture this evening. He had taken it a few days ago... And I have no recollection of it. At all. I'm THAT exhausted. When I looked at it, I said WTF I LOOK LIKE SHIT.

This is me passed out with baby. I really shouldn't have this kind of arrangement, what if I crush her?! But I was just holding her one moment and the next moment... this.

So... Baby has colic and she has been keeping me up from 11pm till 2.30am... Like clockwork. Multiple feeds, diaper changes, swaddling, tummy rubs and mostly carrying and rocking her trying to take her mind off that painful wind in her tummy.

I am a light sleeper and I don't mind getting up multiple times in the night for feeds and pumping. But this colic thing is really knocking the wind out of me. The exhaustion is scary! Like I find myself in the middle of the night, carrying her and telling myself aloud - DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES. FOCUS. FOCUS.

Because I know I'm so tired that of I take an extended blink (used to take extended blinks when I was at my uni lectures and then find myself waking up towards the end of it!). A couple of times a week ago, I found myself suddenly waking up and I was seated on the sofa still carrying Myla. Scared the shit out of me because I was really FAST ASLEEP and did not realise it. Thank goodness I never let go of the baby. So from then on, I have to force myself to not take a long blink, no matter how tempting it is to just rest my eyes for a few seconds.

While I'm carrying her and pacing around (this stops her crying and does soothe her)... I also find myself counting... Like I'll start counting one two three four five... Because I don't know... In my head it's always good idea .. But I'll get to a certain number and have to snap myself out of the count because COUNTING MAKES ME SLEEPY. Even though counting also gives me something to focus on. Bahaha I still do this every night while pacing and carrying her and bouncing in a soothing rhythm ... go figure.

So it's just after midnight now, the wind in her tummy not so bad... Well, she's not crying hysterically like her usual. So she's lying on the spare room bed, after her burps. I'm just about to pump and then hopefully she will be fast asleep and I can carry her back to her crib in our bedroom. I usually take her to the spare room so she won't wake David with her crying. But getting her back to her crib once she's asleep is tricky, she's woken up so many times the minute I place her back in her crib. Or worse still, before I can even reach her crib lol. So we end up sleeping in he spare room. For now it's ok, but soon in a few months once she starts rolling, we cannot do this. Too dangerous on this bed. But hopefully the colic will be gone by then (they say it goes by 3 months of age?).

For now... This is the new 'normal' for me.

This post first appeared on A Thing (or Two) About Holly Jean, please read the originial post: here

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The Unglamorous Side of Motherhood


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