You-Can’t-Make-This-Up Name of the Year Award goes to Rush Limbaugh’s producer. Get ready for it? All ready? You’re certain? Okay, it’s Bo Snerdley.

Psycopathic Corporate Management Award of the Month goes to a group of management executives at the Tyson Foods Company after a wrongful death lawsuit claimed they bet on how many of their employees at meat processing plants would catch coronavirus. 

According to the Wall Street Journal, thousands of workers were infected. Eighty-six of the infected line workers died leaving behind grieving spouses and children. But hey, Biff and Chip in the Executive Suite just pocketed $500 each from the betting pool, so the news isn’t all bad, right?

Nation of Asswipes Award goes to nearly the entire poplation of the USA (a few of us excepted) for resuming the Great Toilet Paper Panic after a blessed pause. 

What is it with virus pandemics and toilet paper? Beats me, but, “We’re headed for a product shortage and consumer panic of unprecedented proportions,” according to Burt P. Flickinger III of the consulting firm Strategic Resource Group, quoted in the Orange County, CA Register. 

I don’t get it. There’s probably enough toilet paper already stashed in the closets, attics, and basements of America to burn down half of suburbia. Could we please start hoarding something else, folks? Q-tips for example? Maybe paperclips?

Bad Hair, go away, come back again some other administration 

 If "the eyes are the window to your soul,” as Shakespeare once asserted, then what the hell is bad hair? Show me a despot, or someone telling lies for a despot, or inventing mean and terrible things for his despot boss to do, and three times out of five I’ll show you bad hair. 

First and foremost there’s Donald Trump, with a comb-over that defies gravity (and probably a few other laws of nature.) More recently we’ve had Rudy Giuliani, with the only hair that, when he's under pressure, seems to bleed down his cheeks in rivulets. Then there’s Steve Miller, who tried to cover up his bald head with spray-on hair that looked like pig bristles imbedded in shoe polish. In Korea, Kim Jong-Un has a coif that defies…almost anything, from explanation to reason, to flattery. 

And then there was this guy. If you’re young and wondering who owns that face and hairdo, the answer is no, that’s not Borat. That’s Mummar al-Gaddafi, the late dictator of Libya, who was badly beaten and then shot to death by his loving subjects while pleading for his life and telling the angry crowd, "God forbids this!" (Trump family take note: people are terribly fickle. Tch tch!)