The doctor called to tell mother that her little daughter was no more a Virgin. The father came under suspicion but luckily he worked in a coalfield away from home: back on some weekends. Since most members of the family were home on weekends, it became doubtful if the father was the predator. The young girl later told her mum she started dipping a finger in and later increased it to all fingers, dipped in at once. Fingering is a type of sex, even if done to others!

Though the mother trusted her husband, especially when it comes to his children, the doctor was doubtful and wondered if any of the daughter’s brothers penetrated her. The social workers got involved as a mandated reportable offense for investigation. It could destroyed any family but for the trust and bond that existed within this particular family. Some women have been unfairly accused of protecting their men at the expense of the children.

There are enough problems within families these days around infidelity. If you have a husband that is a philanderer, it increases the suspicion on him. Indeed, parents have gone after one another and used all types of smears to damage the reputation of their partners. A woman went as far as reporting the affair of her husband with a subordinate in the Navy. It not only destroyed the husband’s career and pension, but also forfeited the children’s scholarships.

Fortunately, children are now trained to speak out early to avoid and stop sexual abuse within the families and friends of the family. Usually this form of abuse has been kept secret in many communities for fear of destroying reputation. The therapy needed to overcome past, historical and secret abuses of children take its toll later in life. In the case of this girl, we cannot say she abused herself but she certainly got the family into trouble.

Lately sexual abuses have been taken seriously as more women, even in later part of their lives come out with unbelievable stories. We have been warned that we should not let a few that abuse the process color our judgment, otherwise abuse of children by even the most revere clergies, powerful politicians and respected stars would not have come to light. It is also true that some are treated differently from others. A few abusers are even empowered!

Does any form of masturbation qualify as sex? It also depends on whether it is administered to oneself or to another person. If masturbation does not disqualify a young lady as a virgin, Oral Sex, another form of masturbation should not. When a famous person claimed he “never had sex” with that woman, he meant there was no sexual contact between the two private parts. Since it was deemed a sexual act anyway, it means a virgin even if intact, could not be a virgin!

Actually many girls satisfy themselves with foreplay to avoid getting pregnant and many more satisfy their boyfriends that way saving the real thing for the big day, whenever that is! It could vary from the day they get married to the day the lady is sure that the man is hers. It is called saving each other for the “D” day, nothing to do with war.

Abstinence cannot be practiced with oral sex because oral sex can spread Sexually Transmitted Diseases as syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV (HIV causes AIDS), HPV, genital herpes and chlamydia. Condoms have been shown to reduce the risk of some sexually transmitted diseases during vaginal sex. Many believe they are protected for oral sex as well, but effectiveness is doubtful.

Many couples engage in more satisfying oral contacts without touching the genitals. They may engage in kissing different parts of the head and chest until they climax without breaking the golden rule of exchanging genital fluids. After this act, it is debatable if each partner remains a virgin. As long as there was no penile penetration, if the relationship broke, they could start a new relationship and claim to be virgins.

Mutual masturbation between two partners without penile penetration can also save virginity. Self-masturbation can be kept secret to oneself but since mutual masturbation involved more than one person, it is debatable if one can claim to be a virgin if a disaffected jilted lover claims the friend is no more a virgin. They both have inside information on one another. As long as there is no penile penetration, a new friend may accept her as a virgin.

How absorbed! Virginity is no more a prerequisite for marriage these days like it used to be. However, a lady that can prove that she is a virgin may command more gold, diamond and respect from the husband than one that gave oral sex. It can be proved medically that she is intact and still remain a virgin, saving it for the future husband. It becomes an emotional bond of trust transferred to another partner or bond that may not be as strong with a new partner.

Here the bond is not the issue. People are capable of developing a stronger bond with someone they have never had sex with than with one they have had sex. It brings into question if sex increases emotional bond to a partner as we usually claim or if sex is just a physical exercise that may or may not enhance emotional feelings. Funny, men may love the sex so much that they fall in love with a prostitute with otherwise good character, asking her for marriage.

There are some young men that would not get married until they see the first early signs of pregnancy. Indeed, some women may not find it easy to get pregnant and the guy may have to wait for a long time if he is really in love. The irony of that is the fault may also be with the guy. But it is the ladies that always get the blame.

There were stories of young women willing to sell their virginity to the highest bidder. These women had to be certified medically that they were actually virgins. But some medical surgeons also specialize in reconstructive surgery as virginal designers. These young ladies could make enough money from men obsessed with virgins, after getting multiple reconstructive surgeries.

There are also spiritual, a trust and a religious experiences of sex. The spiritual is not necessarily the religious experience. The spiritual is the ecstasy you feel in seventh heaven and religious is the guilt without permission or blessing thereof. Trust is between partners.

Written by Farouk Martins Aresa